In a message dated 97-12-20 00:02:55 EST, [log in to unmask] writes:

> Discourse for the sake of
>  truth seeking, on the other hand, is quite a different thing.

I would add: discourse for the sake of developing human relationships. I find
truth to be elusive, fickle, and too often influenced by things outside of my
ability to comprehend. I agree that seeking truth is a good thing, but finding
it is as intangible as finding the Holy Grail, confirmation of UFO's, or the
pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

Words, and communication, were too much for me to handle without my going off
as a hermit-poet into a dreamy ozone. I found refuge from truth seeking in
doing stonework. Pounding on a stone all day with a hammer, seeking
exhaustion, leaves small room for questions. I always felt good when I was
able to make a stubborn stone do what I wanted it to do. I no longer do this,
and have not for many years. I no longer have the edge, or the passion, to
play with setting stone.

For the last twelve years I have spent my employed time estimating the value
of work. This is not, for me, a simple task. It involves thinking about money,
numbers, imagining the movement of physical labor in time, undertanding the
behaviour of people and organizations, and predicting the future based on a
fabricated perception of the world.

If off the estimate is either too high and the result is no work for the
company, or too low -- plenty of work, but loss and hassle, bad nerves, bad
feelings and poor project relationships. When you have used all the technical
tools of estimating you end up feeling your gut and throwing a dart at the
wall (or, as it is actually said, "Keep throwing shit at the wall until
something happens."). If "right-on" then you either have alignment with the
market, or the market is missaligned. The goal is to be centered and in
alignment with the market (a market that does not reveal it's secrets
voluntarily and cannot be found in a book.) This can either be accomplished by
improving skills as an estimator, or by altering the conditions of the market
environment. Unfortunately, after twelve years I am burnt out on estimating (I
cannot handle doing an extensive take-off from a complex set of prints - akin
to a computer programmer losing their edge), and have no recourse but to
explore the options of altering the conditions of the market environment.

As a result, discourse, negotiation, and relationship building are the skill I
am seeking... just as once I sought to lay a concrete block straight and true.

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