I'm relieved to read your post.  We too are in that gray area.  We avoid and
try to educate people that there is hidden dairy in everything.  I feel for
those that are anaphylactic because we can't keep track of all the trace
diary.

 The double edge sword to that is if someone knows we eat something clearly
dairy but refuse something else they are skeptical.  We save up for an
occasional treat.  Not ice cream or something blatant but maybe some cookies
that are borderline.  It;s our choice to save up for that treat and work very
hard for it only to be put down by a viewer.

My daughters class is have a field trip to Pizza Hut to make their own pizza.
It's a big deal and instead of miss it we are going to save up and go for it.
We will be criticized that " how can we eat pizza if we are allergic to
cheese."

Again , we are just thankful that we've learned more about the whole thing.
For the most part due to this web site.  We are also thankful to not be
anaphylactic.

And a final note, now that I'm pregnant with my third and last, I've noticed
my tolerance has changed.  I can no longer 'cheat' as much as I used to.  The
reactions are stronger and last longer.

suz