Hello all,
I thought I would share the following humorous computer article with the
list.
For those of you living in the Pittsburgh area who would like to get
involved with the Three Rivers Freenet please refer to the contact info at
the End of this message.
Jim Vaglia
Start of article
REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made
by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that
it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of
America for an undisclosed sum.
"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said
Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive arrangement
for everyone".
Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of the
White House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the
press that changes will be "minimal". The United States will be managed as a
wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is
planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be
profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft president
Steve Ballmer.
In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly
and enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with
Microsoft, and will continue to manage the United States government, reporting
directly to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of
executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a
relief". He went on to say that Gates has a "proven track record", and
that U.S. citizens should offer Gates their "full support and confidence".
Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually
he has earned as U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft.
Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond
as "silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions for
the U.S. government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters. Gates
went on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be abolished.
"Microsoft isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look how well we're
doing".
When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was
proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking
place". Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United
States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in
government services and discounts on all Microsoft products.
About Microsoft
---------------
Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in
software for personal computers, and democratic government. The company
offers a wide range of products and services for public, business and
personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and
more enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal
computing and free society every day.
About the United States
-----------------------
Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful
nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy and
opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C., the
United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation.
End of article
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DENNIS R. HASCH -- Community Network Specialist
Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh, Three Rivers Free-Net, EIN
412.622.6263 * [log in to unmask] * 4400 Forbes Ave.Pgh.PA 15213
"When you're swimmin' in a creek, And an
eel bites your cheek, That's a moray!"
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End of original message
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