I guess the question of when to tell the severely allergic child depends on
the child' s development and also the personality. Many children do have a
surprising ability to adjust to frightening information. But some cannot
help but be obsessed by it. I think that we told Josh early on that his
allergies were very serious and that he might get so sick that he might not
recover. It helped for him to have reactions, feel how awful they were, and
see us worriedly rush him to the ER. He got the point quite clearly. We
didn't use the "d" word until later, when he was able to understand a bit
more and when we thought he had to take more responsibility for keeping his
own diet free of dangerous foods - that was in first grade, when his lunch
time was no longer directly supervised by his teacher since his class ate
in the lunchroom.

In general, we have spoken to him openly and freely. He understands and
appreciates his limitations, and his teachers and the school nurse
appreciate his level of understanding and responsibility. We believe that
our tone and our willingness to discuss and answer all questions honestly
and caringly has helped him to trust us and to know how to take
responsibility. But it also helps that he is a sensible, grounded, and
intelligent boy. Had he been extremely nervous or easily frightened, we
might have handled it slightly differently.





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Mark Feblowitz