Dear Diane:
 
I felt like crying for you and your poor little girl when I read your
letter.  I have celiac disease (gluten intolerance) and my granddaughter who
has just turned 6 and is also in kindergarten has it also.  I was an adult
when diagnosed and I know how hard that is--people who don't understand
pressuring you to "just take a little--how can a little bit hurt" etc.  But
for a child, all this denial of what everyone takes for granted is so hard.
You tell the child and try to explain, but sometimes the temptation is too
much, though I know adults who don't handle it well and are very angry and
resentful.
 
There are other allergic children in a family who live near my granddaughter
and she sees they are on special diets also.  We felt that and my also being
on the diet has helped her.  Maybe it goes back to "misery loves company".
Is there a support group near by, or perhaps another child at school who is
also on a
restricted diet?  That might provide support for both of you--goodness knows
you will need it too.  While you don't want your child to define herself in
terms of her "problem" that might make her feel less different.
 
You are right--children can be very unkind, but I would expect the teacher
to attempt to correct some of this.  When my youngest was in school, her
best friend was undergoing chemo for leukemia and lost all her hair for many
months.
When this first happened, the teacher spoke to the class, explained how the
child's appearance was different and why.  There was only one incident and
this child went happily to school each day (without the hat her mother had
purchased to hide her baldness).  She was accepted for the way she was.
Could you perhaps enlist the help of the teacher or even talk to the class
yourself--explaining that your daughter is sad and hurt when treated
differently.  I believe most children will be compassionate when they
understand something.
 
I am new to the "no-milk" list because I am increasingly lactose intolerant
and much of the allergy aspect of it is new to me and not fully understood.
I have been copying things for someone at work with a milk-allergic child.
One of the things I copied seemed to say that unsweetened cocoa was safe.
If this is so, could you make your daughter hot chocolate using cocoa, sugar
and water or make an icing with cocoa and conf. sugar?  She would then have
the taste of chocolate which she was seeking.  Perhaps this is not an
option, however.
 
I am sorry for your little girl and for the worry you must experience each
time she is out of your care.  Please tell her she is not alone, there are
many other children unable to eat foods that they see others enjoy.  I think
your problem is compounded by the immediate and very serious results of her
eating something accidently or on purpose.  It must take a lot of strength
and even humor to cope with that.
 
As an aside, assuming you do not know the cause of the rash--has your
daughter been blood tested for antibodies to celiac disease?  Many people
have a form of that called DH (dermatitis herpetiformis) which manifests
itself as itchy, skin blisters--usually presenting in a symmetrical rash.
The skin (when broken out) can be biopsied from scrapings by a
dermatologist--if he is familiar with the disease.  Some have just never
seen it and don't know.....worth a shot anyway.
 
Good Luck,
Coralie
NJ, USA