Diane,
 
How I sympathize with what you are going through. I also have a 6 year old
daughter who is extremely allergic to milk (among other things). She is so
sensitive that we carry epi-pens with us and have one on hand as well as the
Benadryl at home.
It is very difficult to explain to someone "dying" but we have always
brought her up to never, ever take any food from anyone without asking us
first if it was ok and never eat anything in the house without also asking.
But as we find
out they don't always listen and they favorite thing is "I forgot". I have
always put it plainly that if she does eat one thing that has milk in it
with her being so sensitive that she would die which means that I would
forever miss
her. And that we want her to be around for a long, long time. Also, with us
going through 2 trips to the ER with very severe reactions I think that has
helped her to understand that IT IS  real. I remind her that if she does eat
something she shouldn't that she would end up with the hives and breathing
shutting down and the doctors and nurses picking her to try to get the IV in
her. It may sound cruel to the average person on the street but it stops her
and makes her realize that she doesn't want to go through that again.
Also, with her missing out on so many things I try to find out what cookies she
likes to eat and I make sure she helps with making them as it makes them taste
even better if she has her two hands in on it. I also tend to overspoil her
with
the sweets I find she can have. Make it special in any way so she doesn't
think that she is missing out-just getting her own special treat.
School is hard. I made sure last year that the teachers understood the
severity of her allergies. Most schools are good at co-operating these days.
And when there was a special day I made the cake and decorated it for the
whole class. It
made her feel included as she could have it also. I made all the cakes and
treats the class needed but as I say the extra work is worth it if I don't
have to be working and worry that she might get some crumb or touch of icing
she
shouldn't.
I wish you all the best and thanks for letting me actually see that there is
someone out there with the same experiences. Sometimes you can feel pretty
alone.
 
Chris Horne