When my son (now 9yo) first started going to parties, one of us went
with him - not unusual for a 4 yo!  We always took his own cake and
food, and made sure the hostess understood that it was a medical
problem, we weren't being rude!  I got some laminated cards that
listed all the names under which milk appeared and he carried one
with him at all times, along with his epipen, benadryl, inhaler, and
instructions for use.  He's so responsible now that he reads labels
for me (my eyes are getting bad, and there's times I can't read with
either part of the bifocals) and tells me whether he can have it or
not!

psam
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From: Debbie Benstein <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Milk-free etiquette and pre-schooler parties
Date: Sunday, December 14, 1997 12:36 PM

The posts on milk-free etiquette have really been interesting. We
have
recently hit the 4-year-old birthday circuit with our anaphylactic to
milk and peanuts daughter.

Almost all the parties have had suppers based around milk products
with
pizza and macaroni and cheese being the party favorites so far.
Avigayil's allergies are well known in our neighborhood and parents
are
very willing to accommodate us. Like others on the list, I've found
that
the host/ess really wants everyone to enjoy themselves, and if that
means some work-around solutions to foods then it's no problem at
all.

Depending on the party (ie how much the parents involved know about
our
particular needs) I have send Avigayils' supper with her, or arranged
a
substitute like maccaroni with ketchup instead of cheese. So far,
although it's scary to send her to parties on her own, I've been firm
about letting her be like any other 4-year-old and not staying at the
party to watch over her. She's very aware of her food limitations and
I
think it's important to let her start taking some responsibility for
herself.

In any event, I am never too far away, always reachable by phone, and
always leave an epipen at the party with a designated parent just in
case. At first I was worried about asking another parent to handle
the
responsibility of the epipen, but so far no one has refused and the
word
is getting out that inviting Avigayil means inviting her epipen too.
Does anyone else have experience with this with preschoolers? I'd be
interested to hear more views on what you do for playdates etc.

Debbie Benstein
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