I'm not going to pass judgment on Dr. Laura's advice to the unwed
mother, as I certainly don't have enough information.  (It sounds
like Dr. Laura didn't either, but I have to wonder if they pre-screen
the calls and get background info that Dr. Laura can see, but which
the listeners don't know about.)  But I'll throw in my 2 cents worth
on a couple of points.

First, many adoptions these days are "open".  In other words, the
birth parents and adoptive parents know each other, the birth parents
maintain contact with the child, and the child is raised knowing the
situation from a young age.  Of course, how much they know is geared
towards their ability to understand.  I've heard many good reports
from people in such situations - birth parents, adoptive parents and
the children involved.  It may well be that this is the sort of
arrangement Dr. Laura's caller had made for her child, so the question
of whether he'll "find out" and how honest the parents would be if
he did, may be a moot point.

As for whether it's better to grow up with a single birth parent, or
in a two-family adoptive home, I can only give some tangentally related
thoughts.  Like Phil, I lost a parent (in my case, my mother) when I
was a child.  She had a massive stroke when I was 7, so I don't have
too many memories of her.  My father did his best to be both father
and mother, but he could only do so much.  The one period of normalcy
in my childhood was a summer I spent in Ohio with my aunt, uncle and
cousins.  Granted, my uncle wasn't around much, as his job was in
Pennsylvania, and he only came home on weekends.  Still, that was the
only time I felt like a normal kid in a normal family.  I found out,
years later, that my aunt wanted me to stay and go to school out there
for a year (not an unknown practice in my family, as 2 of my cousins
had done the same - one with my aunt, and his sister with my grandmother),
but my father was afraid I wouldn't ever want to come home.  And, you
know what?  He was right.  He sincerely thought he was doing what was
best for me, but I have to suspect I'd have been a lot better adjusted
if he had let me stay.  He eventually remarried, so I had a "mother
figure", but my stepmother was never anything like a mother to me.  My
aunt, on the other hand, still is.  She's even slipped a few times and
introduced me as her daughter, and I sometimes call her "Mom" even
though we both know she's not my mother.  Not by virtue of having given
birth to me, anyway.  As far as the role she played in my life (and
still does, sometimes) she's as much my Mom as my mother was.  So I have
to side with the camp that says parenthood is a lot more than biology,
and maybe it will be best for the child if he's adopted by his aunt and
uncle.  Ultimately, of course, his mother will decide.  She's a legal
adult, and they can't force her to give the baby up.  Even if he's with
the aunt and uncle already, there's a period of time where the birth
mother can legally change her mind and take the baby back.  Sadly, the
fear of that happening is a major reason why a lot of couples are hesitant
to adopt, and a lot of children who really shouldn't be raised by their
birth mothers (who may be abusive, neglectful, drug-addicted, etc) get
stuck in the foster care system for years and years.

We could probably debate this situation till the Lord returns, and never
reach an agreement.  And it's highly unlikely we'll ever know how the
situation turns out, or what the mother's ultimate decision will be.  Maybe
it'd be best to just be thankful that Phil heard her call to Dr. Laura, so
we can know of a situation in need of the Lord's help, and then uphold the
whole family in prayer, trusting in the Lord who has the wisdom to really
know what's best for all concerned?

Roberta