I picked this up on another list.  Author is unknown but it sure is funny.

People are all the time asking how to unsubscribe from an email
list so here's how.  To unsubscribe from this service you must
first purchase a Craft-O-  Matic Adjustable Subscription
Cancellation Unit. The unit can be  obtained from most hardware
stores and dental clinics. Be sure to  obtain the proper permits
to operate the unit from the Nuclear  Regulatory Commission and
the Food and Drug Administration in  Washington D.C. USA.  Be
sure to carefully unpack the kit and place each component in its
accompanying mesh safety bag. Mount the Pershing DF4 mesinator on
top  of the perforated Gerring Mach 77 refibulator and attach them
using the  eight-millimeter torque fork. Be sure that the
refibulator is mounted  at a 66 degree angle and properly
dispersed so that it is flush with  the curved section of the
Pyrex thistle tube. Place the four sections  of the triangular
separation gear into the posture cylinder and lock  them into
place using the band aid adhesive strip. Insert the wiggling  pin
into the wobbling hole, making sure that it seated correctly.
Place  the D cell battery and the eleven 9 volt batteries in the
power  chamber.  The device should be calibrated before operation
using the optional  digital corkscrew accessory pack prior to
operation. Insert the digital  corkscrew through the electronic
combustion service chamber using  caution not to touch the
reinforced tungsten igniter control module and  quickly turn the
invertor drive to 28.6 degrees. Turn the Craft-O-Matic
Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit upside down and hit the
bottom  plate with a 48-ounce ball-peen hammer while shaking the
unit  vigorously. Force open the door to the incineration valve
compartment  and set the pressure gauge to 719 psi. Close the door
and seal it shut  with duct tape. The unit should now be properly
calibrated and ready to  use.Before activating the Craft-O-Matic
Adjustable Subscription  Cancellation Unit, you must first elevate
it to a height of 229 feet  above sea level to insure that the
unit receives the proper oxygen  level and barometric pressure.
Point the aerial to 17 degrees north by  northeast to within the
parameters of the Telstar GS-2 weather  satellite and apply
pressure to the wing shaft on the southern most  section of the
modular accelerator. Using the special ratchet adapter  supplied
with the unit, rotate the heater core to the "on" position.The
"on" position has been obtained when the green light begins to
flash, signifying that the red light is about to go off. Once the
red  light is off, flip the toggle switch labeled "ON/OFF" to the
"ON"  position and count to 47 before logging on to the
system.Logon using your username and password and wait for the
prompt. Once  prompted you must check the box with the appropriate
action you wish to  take and then press the pressure release
button and turn off the  compressor while turning the hand crank
at 231 meters per minute. Next,  press control, alt, delete, caps
lock, shift, number lock, escape and  tab simultaneously. Press
enter.You will have one second to complete the procedure. If you
fail to  respond in the time limit allowed, simply purchase a new
Craft-O-Matic  Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit and start
from the beginning.  Please remember that this is the only way we
will accept for you to  unsubscribe from this service. We have
made every attempt to simplify  the procedure for your
convenience. Failure to comply with the  unsubscribe policy will
result in immediate termination of your  subscription so please
follow the above directions closely.