Andrew,

All of us who are blind on echurch know exactly what you are describing.  I 
remember one of the very first times I felt these feelings was when I was 
about 14.  We lived only three blocks from the church we attended so we 
almost always walked.  One day, on the way home, my mom said, some of the 
ladies at church recommended I take you to a psychologist.  What do you 
think about that."  What I thought was, to be honest, was, "Damn.  They 
think I'm crazy just because I'm blind," but of course I didn't quite 
express it that way to my mother because she was just trying to help.  There 
are two sources you don't want to seek encouragement and direction from 
concerning blindness.  First, your own family because they never understand, 
and secondly, other blind people because 9 times out of ten, they are 
feeling the same emotions and are just as screwed up as all the rest of us, 
haha.  For example, we attend a church now, and are members going on one 
year, and it is similar to what you have experienced.  It is very difficult 
for us because Sandy and I have always been involved wherever we attended. 
Sandy sings, plays the drums and the piano, not at the same time, smile, and 
everywhere we've been, they needed more musicians.  I can hardly sing any 
longer due to some problem with my vocal cords that I will be going to find 
out about next week but they think it is the side effects of a cholesterol 
medication I've been taking for several years.  I stopped conducting and 
scheduling regular prayer sessions two years ago largely because of my 
voice.  Our pastor, for example, is very friendly and a good teacher.  He 
says hello and talks briefly most times we are there, "Hi, how are you?  Is 
your back better, etc."  When they stop between songs, they suggest you 
shake hands with folks around you, and maybe one or two out of a hundred 
people shake my hand.  "Hi, how are you," all over again.  Honestly, pastors 
need to take lessons on being friendly and continue through by preaching and 
teaching on what they have learned.  Well, shoot.  I knew I'd get carried 
away on this topic but here is another example.  I published in booklet 
form, my testimony on my website called I Flew Kites With Jesus.  I gave it 
to the pastor one day and while I was in the hospital back last January for 
3 days with my back surgeries, he came to visit me.  It was nice but he said 
he has so many hospital visit, he can't hardly keep up with those alone. 
I've heard pastors complain about hospital visits before so I wasn't 
impressed.  He shook my hand just before leaving and said, "Good luck with 
your church ministry."  If I didn't know better, I'd wonder if he even read 
the booklet.  In short, Andrew, it was the pastor's way of saying, "thanks 
but no thanks; we don't need anything like that in our church."  These types 
of experiences trigger events in our lives that are already painful and they 
surface.  My blindness and the death of my father has rippled through my 
entire life and triggered some horrible emotions which, as you've seen from 
my website, I've had to deal with.  Through prayer has been the only way I 
have been able to address my feelings but you've likely seen those articles 
that go into details so I won't belabor the problem now.  The truth is, 
Andrew, the Enemy is notorious about planting bad seed from prior events. 
Then those damaged emotions are triggered by current events and the pain and 
hurt comes out like a gully washer, which for you Canadians means, like a 
flood, haha.  It isn't just hear either, Andrew, or just in Canada.  I have 
blind friends in other countries that describe all the same things related 
to church relationships and we are just getting started on the topic.  As 
with others, we can talk on the phone and address some of these issues and 
what God can do about them if you like.  If you get a chance, and you 
haven't read it yet, do a search on my website for Church On The Move.  That 
is an experience about a church I went to a few times that was many years 
ago.  It is still here and still the exact same size, about 40 people, to 
this day so it hasn't moved much since I was there.  Living in the country 
is great but like you said, sometimes you feel a long ways away from 
civilization.  You know what, Andrew.  You can feel that way living with 2 
million people all around you, too.  It is sad and Jesus doesn't like it 
either.


Phil.
Living His Name
WWW.SafePlaceFellowship.COM





----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Andrew" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, May 23, 2014 9:57 AM
Subject: just really struggling with things blindness


> Hi phil and all
>
> I first off want to say phil that i been reading your articles and   i
> really love what you have to say.
> Anyway how this ties in with me is this.  allot of feelings  expressed
> in the articles  you wrote i truly am feeling them allot.   My
> blindness has been a real struggle and  i get pushed aside. what i
> experience is this i  have expressed myself to few other blind list
> and christian list actually as well and to me  it is like they  accuse
> me of complaining when actually  i am not   the thing i feel is this
> that yes there are very successful  blind people out there but  there
> are some that simply need a helping hand in the fighting for things
> and stuff.
> I have been having quite a few of the feelings that  have been mentioned.
> I was told in a previous church that i couldn't do sound for example
> and have not received much  and hardly any help with blindness stuff.
> i been getting people who have just say hi and then by and never talk
> to me  and i have experienced allot of doubt  from others and things.
> even now  i am experiencing allot of hurt from the miss treatment the
> world has been throwing at me.  I  been finding things a emotional
> roller coaster it seems.  i do get very angry and it is just very
> difficault for me to even get out to do things as i live in a rural
> area and in a rural area for a blind person can be very very
> difficault if you can't get a driver to take you to the thin all the
> things you want to go when it is needed.  i just experience as i  said
> a roller coaster of emotions and things. i do get angry because of the
> hurts that i have experienced or am experiencing.  I  even get tears
> in my eyes and  can get as far as crying and things. I don't like to
> cry as i feel ashamed of it sometimes.
> I live in canada and it almost seems like the blind does not have a
> whole lot like canada does not  have the nfb centers like you do
> sometimes i wonder if god truly wants me in canada but i just don't
> know.
> I  find it a struggle on a daily bases.  and to me  the artucle you
> wrote on throw away christians describes as well what has done to me.
> i not sure what to do I really  struggle with coaping and let me say
> this to i have had feelings sometimes when i am blind like god is
> punishing  me by allowing me to be blind i have had people tell me
> that god wants to heal you and all this mixed bag of stuff and some
> have gone as far as saying the devil was the one that stole my sight.
> and it is like some people don't truly want to hear how i feel.  I
> feel very strongly that satan is just out to kill and destroy and does
> not want nobody to succeed. or have a life. and i am not saying it is
> but it almost seems like satan has his and in allot of things that are
> happening these days i am not saying this to give him credit but it
> sure seems like it.
>
> for me it is very hard to  have patence.  like when i sit still i have
> a hard time sitting still and i get very figgity and it is very
> difficault.  sometimes i feel like i am afraid of people sometimes in
> a sence when it comes to trusting as i been hurt so much in the past
> and things.
> Phil and all i just wanted to post for your thoughts and  things like
> that  we may not have all the answers but it is god that has to give
> the answers. Anyway hope you all are well.
>