howdy kendall,
Yep, it's hard to know when and what to tell people. and nothing is guaranteed to stay the same!
well, in case everybody who isn't on facebook, want to know my news; I adopted a little dog! her namy is lamby because she's got a lot of poodle/labrador in her so has the soft curly hair. still working out how to clean up the poop but my helpers helping me w/it.
Thanks,
Tamar
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Tamar Mag Raine
To see my newest articles:
http://www.submityourarticle.com/articles/Tamar%20Mag-Raine-6019/
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Retired Commissioner, MCPD
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________________________________
From: Kendall D. Corbett <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: Wed, December 2, 2009 9:57:07 AM
Subject: Fwd: FW: [HYCEPH-L] denial i.e. relationships
Sorry for the cross post, but this topic came up on another list, and it seemed really pertinent herre too.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Hydrocephalus Info & Support [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Kendall David Corbett
> Sent: Wednesday, December 02, 2009 10:27 AM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: [HYCEPH-L] denial ie relationships
> Christopher, Ingrid, Chris and StacyAnn,
> After my reply to Stacy I went back and read the thread. Everything that Ingrid and Chris said is so true. My first serious relationship was with a girl who had Hodgkin's disease, a form of lymphatic cancer. After I found out that she had it, even though she was in remission, I broke off our relationship. Even though I was 15 at the time, I was as honest with her as I could be. I told Kay that I wasn't ready to get involved with someone who might die. My biggest mistake was trusting my own ability to research information on a disease/condition, which I'd started to do for hydro. I looked up Hodgkin's disease in my Dad's med school text books, which were 20 years out of date, and used that information to base my decision on. When I started asking for info on hydro, Dad had sent me to the hospital library, as he knew his texts were out of date. Kay was healthy at the time (1975), but I looked at those 1950's text books, that said survival rates were
around 15% and panicked. I regret to this day doing that. Shortly afterwards, she moved about as far from Wyoming as you can get and stay in the US. I often thought about her, and tried to contact her to apologise. About 25 years ago, I ran into her, and we talked briefly. I wish I'd had the courage to talk to her then or get her phone number so we could have talked.
> Fast forward another ten years (1995) to when Janet and I got together. Janet has CP, as I do, and so I was determined not to let our disabilities get in the way of our relationship. At 35, we both got around fairly well, but both of our physical capabilities have declined in the intervening years. I've gone from a manual wheelchair to a power chair, and Janet's in the process of transitioning to a chair. Our house is set up well for this but we both need help with ADL's (activities of daily living) that we didn't before. Things get tense from time to time when I can't help her with something I used to, or she can't help me in a similar situation. We're learning how to deal with that but it's a painful process (sometimes physically, as well as emotionally). When you do find someone to develop a relationship with, I hope that she is as patient with you as Janet is with me..
> Kendall
> 49 year old trilobite diagnosed in November 1960, shunted in April 1961, diagnosed with spastic diplegic cerebral palsy in 1963, intraoperative stroke during a shunt revision in 1977, resulting in left hemiplegia. Shunt free since 1978 (fenestrated cerebello-pontine angle cyst) - the "silver lining" to the stroke and an infection in 1977. I've worked in the disabilities field for the last 20 years, and have been married to Janet, IMHO, the most wonderful woman in the world, since 1997.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Hydrocephalus Info & Support [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Ingrid Exner
> Sent: Wednesday, December 02, 2009 8:00 AM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: [HYCEPH-L] denial ie relationships
> Hi Christopher,
> Back in university, I had a boyfriend who I was very compatible with. He was
> fun loving, spontaneous, caring etc. We dated for some time and had great
> times. Then, my shunt broke.
> He was as supportive the best that he could be given his age, background
> etc. But, the revision was complicated and I ended up with multiple
> infections. It was hard on him; I was told by friends that he would go for
> walks in the evening, cry, scream etc. His mother was a registered nurse and
> knew more bad stories than good about hydrocephalus. Needless to say, we
> broke up when I got better. And, I was bitter for a while (but it didn't
> stop me from dating others.) It took a while to get over the bitterness and
> for me to realize that it was probably the best thing that could have
> happened to me. For a while, I still dated people who probably couldn't
> accept me and the hydrocephalus- it is a big, complex and mysterious
> package! And, in fact, the true test, I think is when the shunt fails and
> must be revised (my current husband hasn't been through this.) I don't know
> how he will react. What I ca say ad do know is that he accepts that I have
> limitations and that this entity called hydrocephalus ca at times cause m
> great distress. However, saying that, the hydrocephalus has made me the
> sensitive person that I am. Had I not had the experiences that I have had, I
> would not be the person that he currently is and wants to be with. So, how
> can he deny that?
> I hope some part of my rambling resonates. I do think that people have to be
> accepting/ inquisitive and wanting to learn of the hydrocephalus if they
> want to be accepting of us (especially for more romantic/ long term
> relationships). Is it difficult when I am rejected because of the
> hydrocephalus- absolutely and do I get bitter? Yes. But, I also think that
> there is a time and purpose for everything. Not everyone is meant to fully
> understand or get it, and that's okay too. These people may just be casual
> friends- nothing more.
> I hope this helps.
> [PS: I may have also chewed out that person (unless her sole intent was to
> reconnect to apologize) or atleast I would have made it really clear to her
> the affect she had on me in the past and the need for acceptance moving
> forward.)
> Ingrid
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Hydrocephalus Info & Support [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of Christopher Range
> Sent: Tuesday, December 01, 2009 10:03 PM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: [HYCEPH-L] denial ie relationships
> Has anyone ever encountered someone, be it, either someone they wanted
> to be romantically involved with or, someone they were involved with,
> that expressed fear about your health as, being a reason to either, end
> a relationship, not get in a relationship or, as an excuse for a poor
> reaction, when your health took a turn for the worse?
> I know I am being ambiguous. But there is a reason.
> Back in 1998, a year after my (ex)wife left(separated) me, she told me
> that, she had wished for a long time, that my health problems would
> 'just go away'. I found that to be egregiously ignorant on her part,
> since she had all the info about my health, before we got
> married(1992). When she told me that, that is when I finally decided
> to divorce(2000) her. In 1995, I had a seizure in bed and, she just
> stared at me.
> Then, Today, I got an IM(Instant Message) request from a woman I had met
> online back in 2001, via a Christian dating website. When I told her
> back in 2001, about my health problems, she said right from the start,
> that she couldn't deal with them. Today, I approved her, only for the
> purpose of chewing her out. She accused me of lecturing her. I told
> her, I had held the hurt in for a long time. I got off my chest, how
> she hurt my feelings.
> Christopher
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