Hi Jeremy,

I want to share with you what The Lord has shone me over time.  I 
also have a tendency to doubt my salvation, especially when I do 
rotten stuff inside myself.  I've tried/didn't try to make myself 
truly say yes to Him, but I'm afraid it's so hard that I wouldn't be 
willing to go through my inner withdrawal not yielding to the 
urges.  But do you know what?  The Lord is showing me that it is He 
who works in us to will and to do according to His good 
pleasure.  You can find this in Philippians chapter 2, I 
believe.  Yes, the previous verse says we must work out our salvation 
with fear and trembling, but please please don't ignore the very next 
verse.  It is just as important as the other.  In  Ephesians where it 
says that we are saved by grace through faith, not by works lest no 
one can boast, etc.  But it seems we fail to look at the very next 
verse, which tells us that for we are God's workmenship, created in 
Christ Jesus to do good works, that God has prepared in advance for 
us to do.  Please read those verses to get the full meaning, as I'm 
not sure if I'm giving the correct context.  If this is hard for you 
to grasp right now, I think I can understand; it's hard for me to 
listen to the positive too.  I also feel like I still need to keep 
myself from yielding, so I want God to show me exactly what I need to 
do to prevent this.  One thing I notice is that the temptations come 
more often when I have anxiety about it, so maybe part of the 
solution is to find a way out of this stressful situation or to make 
more effort to believe the positive for myself.  Please also remember 
that when you realize that you're not worthy to stand in the 
judgement, that's exactly what God wants you to be aware of, and 
that's when you can ask God to do the fixing, because without Him 
doing it, you'll never be ready or even worthy.  He knows your heart 
even when your heart condemns you.  the fact that you are so deeply 
concerned about this is a good sign, so please just ask God to show 
you His truth and any lies that have been planted in you, so that you 
can be set free, free indeed!    Dear Lord, please show Jeremy what 
he needs to know, and help him to calm down and listen and accept 
what you say from Your word.  In The Name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Sharon