Here are some jokes. Some I have heard before.
text of forwarded message follows:
>~~~
> The Pastor vs The Choir Director
>
> There was a feud between the Pastor and
> the Choir Director of the Hicksville Southern
> Baptist Church.. It seems the first hint of
> trouble came when the Pastor preached on
> 'Dedicating Yourselves to Service' and the
> Choir Director chose to sing: 'I Shall Not Be
> Moved'. Trying to believe it was a coincidence,
> the Pastor put the incident behind him.
>
> The next Sunday he preached on
> 'Giving.' Afterwards, the choir squirmed as the
> director led them in the hymn: 'Jesus Paid It
> All'. By this time, the Pastor was losing his temper.
>
> Sunday morning attendance swelled as
> the tension between the two built. A large
> crowd showed up the next week to hear his
> sermon on 'The Sin of Gossiping.' Would you
> believe the Choir Director selected the song: 'I Love T o Tell The Story'.
>
> There was no turning back. The
> following week the Pastor told the congregation
> that unless something changed, he was
> considering resignation. The entire church
> gasped when the Choir Director led them in: 'Why Not Tonight'?
>
> Truthfully, no one was surprised when
> the Pastor resigned a week later, explaining
> that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was
> leading him away. The Choir Director could not
> resist: 'What A Friend We Have In Jesus.'
>
> JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH
>
> Attending a wedding
> for the first time, a little girl whispered to
> her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
> The mother replied,
> 'Because white is the color of happiness, and
> today is the happiest day of her life.'
> The child thought
> about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> A little girl,
> dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast
> as she could, trying not to be late for Bible
> class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord,
> please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!'
> While she was running
> and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell,
> getting her clothes dirty and tearing her
> dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and
> started running again! As she ran she once
> again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't
> let me be late...But please don't shove me either!'
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Three boys are in the
> school yard bragging about their fathers. The
> first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words
> on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
> The second boy says,
> 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words
> on piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100.'
> The third boy says,
> 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few
> words on a piece of paper, he calls it a
> sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> An elderly woman died
> last month. Having never married, she requested
> no male pallbearers. In her handwritten
> instructions for her memorial service, she
> wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was
> alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> A police recruit was
> asked during the exam, 'What would you do if
> you had to arrest your own mother?' He answered, 'Call for backup.'
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> A Sunday school
> teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary
> took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small
> child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> A Sunday school
> teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
> with her five and six year olds. After
> explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father
> and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a
> commandment that teaches us how to treat our
> brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat,
> one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> At Sunday School they
> were teaching how God created everything,
> including human beings.. Little Johnny seemed
> especially intent when they told him how Eve
> was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
> Later in the week his
> mother noticed him lying down as though he was
> ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the
> matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain
> in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
> ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~
>
> Two boys were walking
> home from Sunday school after hearing a strong
> preaching on the devil. One said to the other,
> 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?'
> The other boy
> replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned
> out. It's probably just your Dad.'
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> You don't stop
> laughing because you grow old. You grow old
> because you stop laughing! Take heed and pass
> these along to people who need a laugh. I
> thought you would enjoy this....times are tough
> right now...for all of us....so we need
> something to make the day a happy place. 'They'
> haven't found a way to tax you for laughing yet.
>
>In our neck of the woods in Silver Springs,
>Florida Partly Cloudy, 75°F Wind:NNW-330° at 9mph
>Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
>Anna
text of forwarded message ends:
John
Currently in Ocala, Florida Partly Cloudy, 91°F
Wind:WNW-290° at 12mph gusting to 20mph
Bald Guys never have a bad hair day.
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