I'm a little behind in emails.  First, what everyone else said, take that
advice.  Also, counseling is important.  Sounds like your wife is tired and
so is Daniel.  Does his wheelchair have a recline function and how often
does he get out of it?  A speech therapist friend of mind reminds me that
the lips start at the hips.  If you don't have good trunk control, it's hard
to have good oral motor control.  He can learn to at least wipe up after
himself.  Maybe a towel or something on his wheelchair tray.  

Beth t the OT 

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Cerebral Palsy List [mailto:[log in to unmask]] 
> On Behalf Of Allan Olive
> Sent: Friday, March 20, 2009 12:51 PM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Where to get answer, counseling for families of a 
> child with CP.
> 
> Hello All,
> 
> I just signed up because I am looking for some help and I am 
> having the=20=
> 
> hardest time finding what I need.
> 
> I live in Columbia County Georgia and I have a 12 year old 
> son with moder= ate=20 CP.  He has impaired speech and motor 
> skills.  He is in a wheelchair but = can=20 crawl.  He can 
> speak basic words with effort.  He is toilet trained.
> 
> To get right to it, I know that the divorce rate is high for 
> families wit= h children=20 of disabilities.  My wife and I 
> divorced when my son was around 6 or 7.  = I have=20 split 
> custody so I have him 15 days out of the month.  I am 
> remarried, an= d=20 that is where my problem is.
> 
> My wife loves my son Daniel.  But lately she is growing more 
> and more=20 annoyed and aggravated with him.  It shows in how 
> she talk to him and tre= ats=20 him.  She is almost always 
> angry when he is over.  She has not always bee= n=20 this way 
> with him, but it is getting worse and worse.  You can almost 
> cut=  the=20 tension in the air when it is his time to be there.
> 
> He tends to slump in his chair and hang his head to one side 
> and to keep = one=20 of his hands clenched in a fist.  If you 
> look at him and tell him to sit = up he=20 will .  He will 
> self correct all of those things.  He will sit there with=  
> his mouth=20 open and watch tv or play and he tends to drool 
> if he forgets to swallow.=
>   If=20
> you tell him to close his mouth and swallow he will with no 
> problems.  Bu= t after=20 a few minutes he reverts back and 
> may start to drool again.
> 
> This is a huge issue for my wife.  She does not understand 
> why he has to=20=
> 
> constantly be reminded.  If you look at him he will 
> immediately close his=  mouth=20 and swallow because he knows 
> he should be doing that.  But for some reaso= n=20 it really 
> upsets my wife that he constantly has to be reminded and does 
> n= ot=20 do it on his own.  She thinks he knows he should and 
> just chooses not too= .  I=20 disagree.  I don't like to see 
> it either, but when I do, I try to lovingl= y remind=20 him 
> to do it.  She says I am babying him.  Am I?  I don't know.  
> I expect=  him=20 to do it, but I don't get angry with him if 
> he fails to.
> 
> What should I do here?  I am at a total loss.  This has 
> really become a=20=
> 
> problem between my wife and I.  Is there a medical 
> explanation as to why = he=20 constantly does that?  Can he 
> not be expected to remember to do those=20 things on his own?
> 
> Are their support groups for families that struggle with 
> these issues?  I= s=20 counseling available from people who 
> have been there and understand?  Are= =20 their on-line 
> resources available that may help me?
> 
> Thanks in advance for any response.
> 
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