Unconnected Linked Memories


By Phil Scovell



 I have at least three enfant memories of which only one 
was confirmed by my mother.  I won't recollect all three memories 
except for the one related to the topic of linked memories which 
are seemingly unconnected.

 I was literally an enfant when this first of three memories 
occurred.  I told my mother about it many years ago, before she 
passed away, but she had no memory of it herself so she couldn't 
confirm the reality of the memory I had.

 The memory was when I must have been about two or three 
months of age.  It is a snapshot type picture, that is, a single frame 
with no other things involved except myself, the room, and the crib 
I was in.  I was in the basement of a church.  No, I have no idea 
how I know this but when I see the memory in my thoughts even 
yet today, I know I am in the basement of a church.  There is some 
sunlight still coming through the windows but it is nearly sundown 
because I remember the light was turning to dusk.  I also somehow 
knew it was in a church, a small country church, or a church in a 
small town, where my father was preaching.  He often drove 50 to 
60 miles on Sunday mornings, or evenings, to country churches 
without pastors and preached, at sometimes, every Sunday for 
several months until the church was able to afford a full time 
pastor.  On Sunday evenings, sometimes morning services, too, the 
family went with him.  In this case, as I said, I could tell by the 
light slanting through the basement windows, evening was fast 
approaching.  It was also warm so I new it was summer type 
weather outside.  I wasn't hot, or uncomfortable, but it felt just 
right to me.  I was lying on my back.  A baby bottle was lying on 
top of me but the nipple had slipped out of my mouth.  I was alone 
but I was aware someone wasn't far away, my mother perhaps, or 
some lady in the church watching me while mom played the piano 
for the service upstairs or while she sang a duet with my father.  
No, neither one of them could sing very well and mom had a high 
squeaky voice but I learned a long time ago, it didn't make any 
difference in smaller churches such as we attended when dad was 
preaching.  Normally nobody could play the piano or sing very 
well in the church anyhow.  Dad could play the harmonica very 
well, however, and as kids, we used to always beg him into playing 
at home because, Corky, my fox terrier dog, hated the sound of 
that instrument.  He would howl, bark, and carry on something 
terrible when dad began to play.  The piano never bothered Corky 
but boy did he hate the harmonica.  So, back to my memory.

 As I said, I was the only person in the memory event.  The 
most memorable part of the actual memory picture, however, was 
the safety I felt.  No fear, no worry, and absolutely nothing 
frightened me about being alone.  I just felt perfectly content.  
There is no more, nor less, to this memory.  That was it; plain and 
simple.  So, what does such a memory have to do with anything?

 First, let me tell you that I heard, on Focus on the Family, 
many years ago, Doctor Dobson, and two guest child 
psychologists, on the radio.  They had written a book and recorded 
some tapes about this very issue of tiny children, even babies, 
having memories.  My mom actually heard the program and 
ordered the tapes for me because she knew of my enfant memories.  
Doctor Dobson actually confessed that he, too, had a few of 
incredibly early enfant memories so I guess I'm not so crazy after 
all.  The child psychologists affirmed that children with very early 
memories of this nature are generally highly creative people.

        In English class during my senior year of high school, we 
had been given a reading assignment.  I had met with my teacher at 
least once because I had given her one of my short stories and she 
wanted to talk to me about it.  She was one, of two, high school 
English teachers that strongly suggested, as a 17 year old high 
school student, to consider becoming a professional writer.  I 
thought they both were joking at the time.
        
        In this lady's English class, after we had conducted 
the reading literature assignment, which had some poetry 
we were required to read, she was asking student's opinion 
about the poetry.  I generally am not a fan of most poetry, 
especially the classical type, but one of the poems caught 
my interest.  I still have it on my computer to this day.  
Believe it or not, it was written by the husband, Percy 
Shelley, whose wife wrote Frankenstein, Mary Shelly, in 
the early 1800's.  If you wish to read "The Cloud, click on 
the link at the bottom of this article.  By the way, the only 
classic I read in high school that I truly liked was 
Frankenstein and not because it was scary, like I figured 
from seeing the movie, but because of the immensity of 
Christian truism the story carried.  I only read it once, it 
was too boring to read more than once, but I remember it 
well.
        
         During the class discussion, of which I 
rarely participated, when the topic of the poem by  
Shelley called The Cloud came up, most students who 
replied, said they didn't like the poem at all.  I raised my 
hand, to the teacher's amazement, and when she 
acknowledged me, I told her the poem was one of the best I 
had ever read and that I rarely cared for old poetry of any 
type back then.  She then asked me why, along with some 
other related questions, and then she paused and said, "You 
know something, Phil.  Knowing you as I do, I'm not at all 
surprised you like The Cloud by Shelley because you are an 
abstract thinker."  I knew it was a compliment but it was 
years later before I understood what she meant.

 My so-called abstract thinking, as it were, according to my 
long ago English teacher, turns out to be a spiritual asset once the 
Lord called me to be an intercessor years ago in 1985 when I was 
about 33 years young.  It has been in recent years, about the time I 
turned 50 years of age, before I had a spiritual understanding of the 
abstract thinking concept.  In prayer sessions, I find myself 
thinking in ways that assists the person in thinking about 
possibilities on unraveling confusing and confounding memories, 
concepts, dreams, and personal experiences.  No, it isn't a skill, a 
learned technique, or spiritual, or mystical, methodology I obtained 
by being smart.  That's something I ain't, smart, that is.  I'm just a 
common old western boy, more farmish than city sophisticated, 
who wears a cowboy hat and cowboy boots, no horse yet, and lives 
a basically simple life.  I'm not rich, highly educated, I only have a 
3-year Bible seminary degree in theology, so I can't even qualify 
as a Bible scholar, theologian, a Scriptural expert, or certainly I am 
no Bible answer man.  If labeled anything, I'm just a layman who 
thinks Jesus is the only thing worth talking about overall. So, now 
let me return to the topic of unconnected memories which are 
linked to show you how Jesus can heal things we cannot even 
comprehend.

 The second memory is older, that is, I was a young man in 
my earliest of twenties.  It isn't important to describe the second 
memory in detail but it is related to confusion, rejection, and even 
anger and resentment.  It occurred, as is so often the case, just by 
an experience was forced old wounds to the surface which I didn't 
even know at the time I had.  Now, in my late fifties, and after 
literally decades of perpetual recollections of the second memory, 
a connection between the two, totally unrelated memories was 
made by the Holy Spirit.  It isn't as complicated as you might 
think.  In fact, it is so simple; you'll wonder why I didn't 
psychologically make the connection of the two memories myself.  
I didn't, because I couldn't, and only the Holy Spirit could by 
making the connection between two wounded areas of my life.  
Besides, it was spiritual in nature, and not psychological, in the 
first place.  The first memory I described, had no pain or 
woundedness associated with it at all.  In fact, it is a good and 
pleasant and comforting memory, and whenever it surfaces, even 
to this day, I have a pleasant, fuzzy, warm and secure feeling 
associated with the enfant memory.  So how could two totally 
different memories, one good and one spiritually injurious, be 
linked, or associated, when it comes to being healed?  Good 
question and here is the answer.

 During the literally years the second, unpleasant, and 
painful, memory surfaced in my thoughts and emotions, I 
continually, and this is an automatic thing, that is, I don't have to 
practice it, it just happens because of what I know prayer to be, 
focused on the memory event and spiritually examined all the 
emotional painful elements of the memory as I tried hearing God's 
voice related to the pain.  As already mentioned, I felt some 
emotional pain, rejection, resentment, anger, loneliness, that's one 
I hadn't mentioned yet, and just plain frustration.  I attributed the 
whole thing to my youthfulness, I think I was just 19 at the time, in 
fact, I know I was just 19 at the time now that I think about it, and 
figured it meant nothing.  Nothing, that is, until I was in my fifties.  
Then it really started appearing frequently in my thoughts and 
emotions and the more it did, the more spiritually frustrated I 
became.  Why?  Because, the truth of the memory was not 
forthcoming.  I often gave up trying to figure it out and just turned 
it over to the Lord to some day show me.  Fortunately, he finally 
did.

 As I have said for many years, painful memories, and 
wounded experiences from confusion and personal uncertainty are 
used by the Enemy to keep us spiritually unbalanced in many 
various ways.  Additionally, some areas of woundedness will not, 
and cannot, be healed until other areas are first spiritually repaired 
by the Holy Spirit.  This is not to make you a better person, that is, 
the more inner healing we experience is designed to make us a 
better person or even a better Christian; it is designed to make us 
more identified with Christ.  This is, quite simply, Lordship 
salvation.  People will, and do, confuse it with being a better, more 
spiritual, and Godly, Christian.  It is no such thing and the one who 
thinks so, is trapped by pride, legalism, and perpetual works 
salvation in order to maintain a stable, so thought, Christian 
relationship with God through Christ.  Nothing could be further 
from the truth of God's Word.  Plus, such Christian, so called, 
behavior never works in the long run, regardless how hard we try.

 In recent weeks, as I consider the second memory that 
continually was surfacing in my mind and emotions, I simply 
could not see the problem.  Oh, sure.  Lots of things were wrong in 
the memory but it had nothing to do with the present.

         When I was praying recently, the enfant memory of 
the baby being in the basement alone, immediately popped to the 
surface of my mind.  This confused me even more because, no 
matter how I viewed the memories which I associated in later adult 
life, I simply could not find a comparison to this first memory 
except it related directly to the enfant in the basement.  In one, I 
felt safe and secure and content.  In the other, I was frustrated, 
rejected, and totally confused about my Christian identity.  So 
where was the comparison?  Upon asking the Lord that very 
question, the Holy Spirit finally showed me.  The only connection 
between the two memories was based upon the first memory and 
the feelings I had of safety, security, and contentment.  Jesus then 
showed me that He was in both memories and how I felt was how 
He wanted me to feel in the second.  The Enemy, on the other 
hand, clouded the second memory with doubt and fear and 
confusion and thus the presence of the Lord wasn't detected.  Now, 
through prayer, the connection was made and I could feel Jesus in 
both places.  Thus, two totally unrelated memories were, in fact, 
linked and the second could not be healed without the revelation of 
the Holy Spirit imparting the truth found in the first memory.  
What was that truth again?  It was Jesus being in both places at the 
same time.  That's right; twenty years apart.  He was there.  By the 
way, this immediately healed dozens of other similar memories 
along the same lines over decades of time.  Why, because the Lord 
continually, although I examined many other similar memories, 
always took me back to this one place when I was just 19 years of 
age.  Once again, I saw how certain wounded areas of our life can 
only be healed when we allow Jesus to heal only in His way and in 
His time.

 Isn't this a difficult way to live?  On the contrary; it is the 
easiest Christian life one could possibly ever experience.  No, of 
course, it doesn't mean life becomes easier, less stressful, and 
minus heart ache, worries, and concerns.  It means that Jesus 
becomes more and more the Lord of your life; your entire life.  
One thing many people with whom I pray tell me, "I didn't realize 
Jesus was clear back there in my childhood."  Most confess at this 
point, "How could that be?  I wasn't even a Christian until I was 
25 or 30 years old."  Regardless of what you believe, I personally, 
along with many others with whom I've prayed, have seen, and 
experienced, Jesus clear back to our birth; some, as in my case, 
still in the womb.  Yes, I know it sounds weird but I don't care 
what you believe; I know Jesus for whom He is in my life and He 
was at my birth and showed me why.  Read, "I Born happy," on 
my website and you'll understand the particulars of that birthing 
experience.

 I can confirm three amazingly distinct experiences in my 
life the form the beliefs I have to this very day.  My salvation, of 
course, when I was just five years of age, the experiences in, "I 
Flew Kites With Jesus," on my website, and the one I just 
mentioned; "I Born Happy," which is also on my website as 
previously mentioned.  You are welcome to believe, or disbelieve, 
whatever you like but I know Jesus personally in a way I never 
dreamed was possible.  I again stress, this is automatic, that is, in 
my spirit where the Holy Spirit dwells, and I never have to work at 
being a better, more successful, Godly Christian.  Jesus has done 
all of that for me already.  All I am required to do is walk with 
Him in holiness.  Wait just a minute.  Don't I still sin?  Of course, 
but First John 1:9 still works just as quickly and easily and 
smoothly today s it did when John wrote it, or did you overlook 
that eternal promise in God's Word.  The general problem is, 
however, we haven't been healed enough to believe the truth and 
Jesus said it was the truth that would set us free.  He wasn't just 
talking about salvation because He confirmed to His disciples that 
He was sending the Holy Spirit to assist us in our every day life.

 Now, when are you going to allow Jesus to heal you?  Are 
you striving to become perfect?  Is you goal to be Spirit filled, 
maybe speak with other tongues, achieve a spiritual status in the 
church as a Godly man or woman, and maybe even witness, or 
perform, a miracle or two before you die or before the Lord 
returns?  Good luck.  In the mean time, I'm living my Christian life 
as each day unfolds and letting Jesus be the Lord of all my life.  It 
is a lot less work that way.  If you prefer performance based 
Christianity, then God bless you.  I'm just not that good of a 
Christian mimic.

www.safeplacefellowship.com/articles/THE-CLOUD.HTM

You Are Afraid Of Demons Because Of The Lies You Believe;
They Are Afraid Of You Because Of The Truth You Believe.
www.SafePlaceFellowship.com