Funny but sad.  Sad but funny.

Blessings.
Vinny
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "REVIVAL List" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, November 13, 2008 2:38 AM
Subject: [revival] The "PC" RED RIDING HOOD


> 
> The POLITICALLY-CORRECT RED RIDING HOOD
> -by Bryan Hupperts.
> 
> There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood 
> who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and 
> rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only 
> someone took the time to study them. 
> 
> Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes 
> referred to as "mother", although she didn't mean to imply by this 
> term that she would have thought less of the person if a close 
> biological link did not in fact exist. Nor did she intend to denigrate 
> the equal value of nontraditional households, although she was 
> sorry if this was the impression conveyed. 
> 
> One day her mother asked her to take a basket of organically 
> grown fruit and mineral water to her grandmother's house. "But 
> mother, won't this be stealing work from the unionized people who 
> have struggled for years to earn the right to carry all packages 
> between various people in the woods?" Red Riding Hood's mother 
> assured her that she had called the union boss and received a 
> special compassionate mission exemption form. 
> 
> "But mother, aren't you oppressing me by ordering me to do this?" 
> Red Riding Hood's mother pointed out that it was impossible for 
> womyn to oppress each other, since all womyn were equally 
> oppressed until all womyn were free. 
> 
> "But mother, then shouldn't you have my brother carry the basket, 
> since he's an oppressor, and should learn what it's like to be 
> oppressed?" And Red Riding Hood's mother explained that her 
> brother was attending a special rally for animal rights, and besides, 
> this wasn't stereotypical womyn's work, but an empowering deed 
> that would help engender a feeling of community. 
> 
> "But won't I be oppressing Grandma, by implying that she's sick 
> and hence unable to independently further her own selfhood?" But 
> Red Riding Hood's mother explained that her grandmother wasn't 
> actually sick or incapacitated or mentally handicapped in any way, 
> although that was not to imply that any of these conditions were 
> inferior to what some people called "health". 
> 
> Thus Red Riding Hood felt that she could get behind the idea of 
> delivering the basket to her grandmother, and so she set off. 
> 
> Many people believed that the forest was a foreboding and 
> dangerous place, but Red Riding Hood knew that this was an 
> irrational fear based on cultural paradigms instilled by a patriarchal 
> society that regarded the natural world as an exploitable resource, 
> and hence believed that natural predators were in fact intolerable 
> competitors. Other people avoided the woods for fear of thieves 
> and deviants, but Red Riding Hood felt that in a truly classless 
> society all marginalized peoples would be able to "come out" of 
> the woods and be accepted as valid lifestyle role models. 
> 
> On her way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood passed a 
> woodchopper, and wandered off the path, in order to examine 
> some flowers. She was startled to find herself standing before a 
> Wolf, who asked her what was in her basket. Red Riding Hood's 
> teacher had warned her never to talk to strangers, but she was 
> confident in taking control of her own budding sexuality, and chose 
> to dialogue with the Wolf. 
> 
> She replied, "I am taking my Grandmother some healthful snacks 
> in a gesture of solidarity." 
> 
> The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to 
> walk through these woods alone." 
> 
> Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the 
> extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as 
> an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to 
> develop an alternative and yet entirely valid world view. Now, if 
> you'll excuse me, I would prefer to be on my way." 
> 
> Red Riding Hood returned to the main path, and proceeded 
> towards her Grandmother's house. But because his status outside
> society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-
> style thought, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandma's house. 
> 
> He burst into the house and ate Grandma, a course of action 
> affirmative of his nature as a predator. Then, unhampered by rigid,
> traditionalist gender role notions, he put on Grandma's 
> nightclothes, crawled under the bedclothes, and awaited developments. 
> 
> Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, "Grandma, I have 
> brought you some cruelty free snacks to salute you in your role of 
> wise and nurturing matriarch."
> 
> 
> The Wolf said softly "Come closer, child, so that I might see you." 
> 
> Red Riding Hood said, "Grandma, what big eyes you have!" 
> 
> "You forget that I am optically challenged." 
> 
> "And Grandma, what an enormous, what a fine nose you have." 
> 
> "Naturally, I could have had it fixed to help my acting career, but I 
> didn't give in to such societal pressures, my child." 
> 
> "And Grandma, what very big, sharp teeth you have!" 
> 
> The Wolf could not take any more of these specist slurs, and, in a 
> reaction appropriate for his accustomed milieu, he leaped out of 
> bed, grabbed Little Red Riding Hood, and opened his jaws so wide 
> that she could see her poor Grandmother cowering in his belly. 
> 
> "Aren't you forgetting something?" Red Riding Hood bravely 
> shouted. "You must request my permission before proceeding to 
> a new level of intimacy!" The Wolf was so startled by this 
> statement that he loosened his grasp on her. 
> 
> At the same time, the woodchopper burst into the cottage, 
> brandishing an ax. 
> 
> "Hands off!" cried the woodchopper. 
> 
> "And what do you think you're doing?" cried Little Red Riding Hood. 
> "If I let you help me now, I would be expressing a lack of 
> confidence in my own abilities, which would lead to poor self 
> esteem and lower achievement scores on college entrance exams." 
> 
> "Last chance, sister! Get your hands off that endangered species! 
> This is an FBI sting!" screamed the woodchopper, and when Little 
> Red Riding Hood nonetheless made a sudden motion, he sliced 
> off her head. 
> 
> "Thank goodness you got here in time," said the Wolf. "The brat 
> and her grandmother lured me in here. I thought I was a goner." 
> 
> "No, I think I'm the real victim, here," said the woodchopper. "I've 
> been dealing with my anger ever since I saw her picking those 
> protected flowers earlier. And now I'm going to have such a trauma. 
> Do you have any aspirin?" 
> 
> "Sure," said the Wolf. 
> 
> "Thanks." 
> 
> "I feel your pain," said the Wolf, and he patted the woodchopper 
> on his firm, well padded back, gave a little belch, and said
> "Do you have any Maalox?" 
> 
> (c) Bryan Hupperts - www.sheeptrax.com
> 
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