Have you asked your son why he does this? I remember as a young child I would "forget" to wipe my chin and mouth when at meals, and it irked my mom. She'd say, child, can't you feel anything on your chin?! eventually I learned that it is not socially acceptable to let food/saliva run down my face.
My mother was a perfectionist and after a few years she began abusing me when she got frustrated with my speech. She would make awful faces and awful sounds saying this is what you sound like, this is what you look like! As if I were not trying hard enough! That made me ashamed of how I looked when I spoke, and so I always would hang my head, and not look at people when I spoke. It took many years of counseling to overcome it.
There was always enough tension between us that you could cut it with a knife... Even my significant other said it was like invisible arrows between us! and that was when I was in my 30s! so, yes, your family should seek a therapist.
Thanks,
Tamar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tamar Mag Raine, Commissioner,
Oakland Mayor's Commission on People with Disabilities
[log in to unmask]
http://www.zazzle.com/TamarMag*
www.cafepress.com/tamarmag
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
----- Original Message ----
From: Kathy Pink <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: Saturday, March 21, 2009 5:06:22 PM
Subject: Re: Where to get answer, counseling for families of a child with CP.
Hello Allan:
Welcome to Cerebral Palsy! (I am trying to be serious .) My name is
Kathy Jo Pink . I was born with Cerebral Palsy. please feel free to
e-mail me off-list. I know what you must be going thru, Allen.
On 3/20/09, Allan Olive <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Hello All,
>
> I just signed up because I am looking for some help and I am having the
> hardest time finding what I need.
>
> I live in Columbia County Georgia and I have a 12 year old son with moderate
> CP. He has impaired speech and motor skills. He is in a wheelchair but can
> crawl. He can speak basic words with effort. He is toilet trained.
>
> To get right to it, I know that the divorce rate is high for families with children
> of disabilities. My wife and I divorced when my son was around 6 or 7. I have
> split custody so I have him 15 days out of the month. I am remarried, and
> that is where my problem is.
>
> My wife loves my son Daniel. But lately she is growing more and more
> annoyed and aggravated with him. It shows in how she talk to him and treats
> him. She is almost always angry when he is over. She has not always been
> this way with him, but it is getting worse and worse. You can almost cut the
> tension in the air when it is his time to be there.
>
> He tends to slump in his chair and hang his head to one side and to keep one
> of his hands clenched in a fist. If you look at him and tell him to sit up he
> will . He will self correct all of those things. He will sit there with his mouth
> open and watch tv or play and he tends to drool if he forgets to swallow. If
> you tell him to close his mouth and swallow he will with no problems. But after
> a few minutes he reverts back and may start to drool again.
>
> This is a huge issue for my wife. She does not understand why he has to
> constantly be reminded. If you look at him he will immediately close his mouth
> and swallow because he knows he should be doing that. But for some reason
> it really upsets my wife that he constantly has to be reminded and does not
> do it on his own. She thinks he knows he should and just chooses not too. I
> disagree. I don't like to see it either, but when I do, I try to lovingly remind
> him to do it. She says I am babying him. Am I? I don't know. I expect him
> to do it, but I don't get angry with him if he fails to.
>
> What should I do here? I am at a total loss. This has really become a
> problem between my wife and I. Is there a medical explanation as to why he
> constantly does that? Can he not be expected to remember to do those
> things on his own?
>
> Are their support groups for families that struggle with these issues? Is
> counseling available from people who have been there and understand? Are
> their on-line resources available that may help me?
>
> Thanks in advance for any response.
>
> -----------------------
>
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>
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>
--
Kathy Jo Pink
e-Mail Addresses: [log in to unmask], [log in to unmask],
[log in to unmask], and [log in to unmask]
Pogo Usual ScreenName: PerkPinkPerky
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