Hi.  Like many people, I suppose, I'm one of those folks who've been
reading and appreciating this wonderful service for a couple of weeks
before making themselves known.  The BIG THANKS is certainly overdue,
but no less sincere!  Ballew Kinnaman, this is an overwhelmingly
valuable service you have made available to people; and to Mary Shomon,
Debbie R., and everybody  else who has ever posted anything here, please
know that your words have been especially helpful to people you don't
know and may never meet - I've printed most of them out to review and
refer to, and to keep as a comfort!

        Now the cautionary tale...  and this may get a little long, so please
feel free to skip ahead!:  (It's interesting how, attempting to make
available to others the precise kind of help I needed can be so very
therapeutic!  There probably won't be anything new here to those of you
who are farther along in your quest for help, but perhaps there may be
something of use in the appreciating of how far you've gotten!)

        This morning I had an appointment with my Doctor, for which I'd already
waited almost two weeks (I got lucky - there had been a cancellation or
it would have been longer).  Let me say this at the outset:  this guy
has been a GREAT listener in the past, and I had (still have) NO
complaints about him!   I had all kinds of hopes for this visit and -
despite knowing better (I used to work in Pediatrics) - had thought I
might actually, finally, get the help I needed with what I still believe
is a faulty or failing thyroid.  I had done my homework before I tried
to make the appointment.  Actually, I'd been doing that homework for
some four years now... only it's been with the discovery of some of the
gifted insights posted by many of you at this ListServe and at a few
other really useful sites available on the Web (for example, check out
http://krispin.com/thyroid.html for a beautifully written piece of
"Support Information") that I felt confident enough to try again to ask
for specific help with it.

        All the symptoms are there and have been for at LEAST four years
(though I work hard to disguise all of those that I can); the "missing
pieces" were filled in by the new information alluded to above;  and
there's an undisputed family history of thyroid failure (my mother died
of the complications of it having been a longstanding and untreated
condition, and there's evidence of her mother showing obvious signs of
thyroid failure as well -- both were Christian Scientists, so I've had
to go on the basis of my experiences with them,  observations, and my
own extensive research.  It's pretty undisputable at this point).  And,
I'm no slacker myself... like everybody else, I've worked hard to find
ways to deal with these things that kept happening to me and with me!
I'm a trained researcher, hold a Ph.D. (in Family Ecology),... I've done
the research in the medical literature, have had and did the
therapy/counseling thing for the depression, fully explored the
Prozac-and-other-antidepressants approach, "gotten my life in order",
had at least three different extensive sessions of "personalized
nutritional counseling" by people of all kinds of credentials, sincerely
worked with every brand and notion of weight loss program ever invented
(including more than a few derived on my own after working with the
nutritionists and various programs), mastered several of the
exercise-program rituals available on the market too, and I can tell you
the layout of Bally International Gym's in three states!, I've gone on
the meditational retreats, done the whole gamut.  Of all that, what HAS
helped has been sound nutrition, Tai Chi, and journaling of all kinds.

        But now, I thought, all the pieces had finally fallen into place!  It
was all so clear!  So obvious!  So, I'd gotten all my documentation
together, organized and highlighted it so that in the few minutes I'd
have with him he could skim through the insights which I thought held my
salvation... and also so that any medical-records-reviewer could see
that there was certainly enough "out there" and in my file to
substantiate a determination that a failing/faulty thyroid logically
explained my documented experiences!  I thought that this time, MAYBE, I
could escape yet another dismissal as "you're just not trying hard
enough", or "it's just your Depression acting up", or "it's only
Menopause", or the truly awful: it's that "Hysterical Woman" thing!
(Yes, I have actually heard those things said to me by so-called
"professionals")  ... I thought he'd be impressed with the documented
material I'd so thoughtfully supplied and which supported my claims and
filled in those blanks.

        What I failed to appreciate is that HMO's don't allow doctors the time
to be impressed.  What I DID do, probably, is simply scare the living
daylights out of the poor man...

        I'd hoped and half-expected that on the basis of my scholarly research
and carefully prepared packet of deliciously pertinent writings and
findings, that we might not have to wait.  ...That *I* might not have to
wait.  BUT IT'S TRUE... I suppose; history and symptoms are not enough
to start medication.  (...Funny though, it's all that was needed before
and with serious stuff like Prozac, etc!!?!)  Even so, my head tells me
that it's right to wait on the tests. There's probably a "Quality
Assurance Policy" somewhere in the institution that says so too.  We
have to wait and see if the TSH numbers show anything, and if there are
numbers that show menopause is happening instead, and if there's
possibly anything else going on.  "It will be obvious in the numbers" he
says...  but I'm not confident of making that grade and I just want to
feel better NOW, because it's been so long... and I'd already found what
I thought were ENOUGH of the answers...    I couldn't help it, tears
started to come. (I won't say "I started to cry" because that was the
LAST thing I wanted to do!  The tears felt like yet another betrayal on
my body's part and they were a complete surprise to me. That I'm
generally not one to cry in any circumstance only made the whole scene
all the more frustrating to me at the time!)  And it probably scared him
all the more at that point, for this to happen...   But, at least he
didn't challenge my answer that, "NO - I don't believe there's anything
that talking to somebody about in a counseling situation might help"...
Done that; Been there; Bought the T-shirt...   ...though I understand
where that response on his part came from.

        OK.   Even though I'm not a stranger to this doctor, and there was (1)
a physical and a blood test a year ago (at my request and which came
back "normal" for TSH - it may or may not have mattered that I was on
birth control pills at the time), (2) the documented research I'd found,
and (3) the fact that my symptoms had recently become much more
problematic (they were all checked off on the endocrinology list, right
there!) -- AND (4) my conviction that I knew what was wrong and what I
wanted in order to fix it -- these were not enough to overrule what
REALLY HONESTLY IS sound medical practice.  Basically, no matter who you
are or what you've done, you still gotta dance the dance with "The
System".  So, at this point: the blood test for this first go-round is
on it's way to the lab, I was embarrassed and humiliated (I'll live),
and we've taken what feels like a very VERY little baby-step in a
marathon race I had thought and hoped was nearly over.  (I begged for
the antibodies to be done too; but no, we'll have to wait and see what
the TSH is first.)

        THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS THIS:  As much as they can be a problem,
there really is/are good reasons behind all those rules and processes
and procedures.  Obviously, from "The System's" point of view (as well
as that of any medical-records-reviewer), there IS a chance that
something else is going on which can explain all this, and he's right to
wait for more confirmation of it than that which I walked in with. It
does make for a sound medical record, I suppose, to have the numbers
before you take the action.  And I HATE that even as I KNEW all that, I
still couldn't keep from crying as I made the follow-up appointment and
had the blood drawn. He IS right - from his and "The System's" point of
view, which is equally as valid as mine is when you consider how the
world is basically set up.  (I firmly believe that we are all -each of
us- deeply embroiled and fully involved in the middle of our very own
"Soap-Operas", ya know?! Even the Doctors and Medical-Records-Reviewer
people are, too!)
        SO:  IF BEING PUT OFF UNTIL THE BLOOD TESTS COME BACK happens to you,
YOU ARE GETTING GOOD MEDICAL TREATMENT!  BUT EVEN SO, as you dance that
*&@#$% (pardon the language) dance, IT'S GENERALLY NOT TOO SMART TO
SCARE YOUR DOCTOR TO DEATH.  If I could have held out a little longer,
he might have been able to (a) talk with me a little longer, and (b)
relate to the human being in here who was trying hard to figure out how
to feel better AND how to make his job easier, RATHER than his feeling
the need to make a very hasty retreat from a woman who -- was still in
full control -- but who had tears rolling down her face.  (Actually, I
don't know too many men who deal well with tears anyway.)  THERE MAY BE
TIMES LATER ON WHEN SCARING YOUR DOCTOR TO DEATH WILL BE MORE
PRODUCTIVE!  (For example, see Mary Shomon's totally awesome posting
here April 1997, week 4 (#12)!)

        In the mean time - I want to ask about something without endorsing or
recommending it in any way...   I'm wondering if anybody has had any
experience with BORAGE SEED OIL???  I found this stuff by accident (1000
mg capsules) about a year ago and have used it time and again on those
days I knew I was going to have to REALLY be on my toes (so to speak).
Other than to say it helped tremendously, I know nothing about it and
can't find anything about Borage Seed Oil ANYWHERE - which is why I'm a
little afraid of it.  Borage-the-plant, or Borage-the-leaves, yes - but
not Borage-the-Seed Oil.  I'd love to know anything anybody may have
heard about it or might know from experience (however far removed...),
especially if there are problems or what the consequences may be with
use over time.

Many many thanks for "listening"!!!   I've gone on too long.  All best
wishes,  Jan Pritchard