Blinded By A Doublebind


By Phil Scovell



     She had been just a little girl when her father began
molesting her.  Later, as a teenager, she would learn from her
mother that early in their marriage, sexual intercourse had ceased
to exist because she, the mother, no longer wanted that type of
intimacy from her husband.  The little girl, therefore, became
his unholy sexual outlet.  No, there are no excuses here.  Sin is
sin and evil is evil and crime is crime and this is all of that. 
Today, such a molester would go to prison and the mother would go
free in spite of her sin but both will be judged as accountable
before the Judgment Seat of Christ some day regardless of
societal lack.

     We were praying.  The vivid memory of a teenager came to mind
and she began to cry.  We prayed some more.  "I'm ashamed," she
admitted through her tears.

     "I understand," I said quietly.  "It's ok."

     She confessed the memory was of her mid teens.  She entered
her father's bedroom as he stood in front of a dresser and
prepared to go out.  A mirror on the back of the dresser reflected
their image.  "I'm so ashamed of what I did, Phil.  I don't think
I can tell you."  She was crying nearly uncontrollably now.

     "You don't have to go there if you can't.  Just listen."  I
prayed more and asked for the Lord to show her the way.

     "Oh, I am so ashamed," she repeated.  "I was trying to show
off.  I was trying to get my dad to notice me."

     "Notice you how?" I encouraged; knowing the answer already
but also knowing this was where the Lord had led her.

     "I wanted him to notice me sexually," and now her words,
through her crying, were almost unintelligible.  "It was all so
wrong," she cried.

     I said softly, "You knew it was wrong when you were little,
too?"

     "Yes," she wept and whimpered almost as a little girl.

     "He even tried again years later when you were 13 but you ran
from him.  Right?" I asked.

     "Yes, I did run away from him.  It was wrong and I knew it. 
Then why did I try and show off this time to him?  I knew better."

     "That's a good question," I said.  "Lord Jesus, what is the
answer to her question?  Why did she try and show off sexually to
get her father to notice her in her mid teens?"

     As she cried quietly, she finally said,  as the spiritual
awareness bloomed in her spirit, "I was deceived."

     "yes," I responded, "you were.  Furthermore, you were trapped
in a doublebind."

     She asked what that might be.

     "It is when the Enemy deceives us into believing a lie with
no way out, that is, we are trapped at either end."

     "Then," she said, "how was I trapped in this situation as an
older teenager and my dad?  I knew by this time it was wrong and
even sinful."

     "Of course you did.  When you were 4 and 5 years old," I
explained, your little mind wasn't mature enough to fully
understand all that was happening to you.  Besides, it was your
dad.  Your dad loved you so how could what he was doing be wrong? 
That's what you thought anyway.  Yes, even this concept alone
conceived confusion in the little girl's mind.  Then, when the
little girl grew older, her power of reasoning matured and she
knew it was wrong and she ran away."

     "But I still don't understand," she interrupted, "why I
tried to get him to notice me sexually as an older teenager?  It
was hideously wrong."

     "What was the one word answer the Lord told you when I asked
Him to reveal the truth of that question to you?"

     "He said I was deceived."

     "Right," I agreed.  "The Enemy deceived you into thinking,
because of what happened repeatedly as a little girl who didn't
understand, it was now ok as a big girl because, after all, your
father loved you, and you loved your father.  It was a lie of the
Enemy as a little girl and it was still a lie as a big girl."

     "I see it now," she almost whispered.  The devil lied to me
from the beginning.

     The man said, "But why did I do it?"

     He was referring to a teenage incident where he molested his
younger sister.  There had been no penetration, no skin-to-skin
contact, and no removal of clothing but regardless, it was sin and
he knew it.  The man had lived his entire life with the guilt and
trapped by it's heaviness for decades.

     "I was a Christian at the time, too.  I knew better.  I knew
it was wrong.  I knew it was sin but I still did it.  Why?" he
pleaded.  Although the man was free of the sin, unless he found
the way of escape God had prepared for him, the guilt would return
and he knew it.

     "Lord, why did he do it?" we prayed together.

     The man suddenly sat very still as if something had just
entered the quietness of the room and he were listening.  Then he
sat up.  "I heard it.  I know the answer," he announced
confidently.  "This is it."

     "What was that," he was asked.

     "I did it because I was deceived."

     "You are right," the intercessor answered.

     "I'm free!  I'm totally free," the man proclaimed with
finality.  "It's gone for ever," and so it was.  The man now saw
God's truth and knew it wasn't what he really wanted to do; it was
what he had been deceived into doing.  That is, he was deceived
into committing sin which only a loving God could forgive who had
vicariously died in his place.

     A woman was enjoying the afternoon.  The weather was
beautiful and she had enjoyed her walk.

     "It's a beautiful tree, isn't it?" came the smooth pleasant
silky voice from the exquisitely beautiful shining creature.

     She stopped and looked.  "Yes, as a matter of fact, it is
quite beautiful.  Everything God makes is beautiful," she
commented as she had so many hundreds of times over the years.

     "Have you noticed the fruit?" the voice asked.  "It, too, is
quite beautiful.  It must be delicious."

     The woman said nothing but watched.

     "Why not try some of the fruit?  After all, you deserve it."

     "Oh, no," she replied.  "We are forbidden.  In fact, if we
eat the fruit of this tree, we will die.  We aren't even suppose
to touch it."

     "Oh, come on," the voice chuckled.  "Die?  that's a laugh. 
You are eternal.  You can't die.  Besides, if you eat this fruit,
you'll be like me; like a god.  You'll know everything; good and
evil.  I know good from evil and I am eternal as are you."

     The woman stepped closer.  The fruit was lovely in
appearance.  It certainly would be good tasting as beautiful as it
looked.  Somehow, it even appeared that to eat of such fruit would
increase her wisdom, too, so she gingerly pulled the fruit from a
branch and bit into its richness.

     I'm certain this story is familiar, if you've read the Bible,
because this was what happened to Eve and eventually to her
husband, Adam.  Do you see the doublebind Satan used on Eve just
as He has on others?  If she didn't eat the fruit, she wouldn't be
as a god.  If she did, on the other hand, she would be as God;
wise and eternal and all knowing.  Who wouldn't want that?  Eve
was trapped by the words of the Evil One for such was his plan. 
Deceived by the master Deceiver.

     Are you trapped as well?  Has he also used a doublebind on
you as he has on so many others throughout time?  There is a way
of escape.  It is the Word of God expressed in His voice.  If you
cannot clearly hear His voice, you, too, will be locked in
deceitfulness for ever and carry the guilt of your own sin. 
Jesus died to make His voice clear and to lift the guilt away.


It Sounds Like God To Me.
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