As usual, Brother Phil, I truly enjoyed this e-mail. There is definitely a
lesson there. Guess what! I am officially cancer free! Praise God! I
have to go every six weeks to flush the I.V. port, and I have to have
check-upss every three months, but God still has work here for me to do.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow
!
----- Original Message -----
From: "Phil Scovell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, January 21, 2010 12:51 AM
Subject: You Can Do Better
> I'm pretty certain I posted this awhile back but I hadn't finished the
> article. So, if you read this following testimony, and think you have
> read it before, you likely have. However, I have added a lot to it so I
> thought some might like reading it again.
>
> Phil.
>
>
> You Can Do Better Than That
>
>
> By Phil Scovell
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I was just 20 years of age. My wife and I had only lived in Denver for a
> couple of
> months. That year was an extra harsh Colorado winter for the Denver area.
> At that time,
> in 1972, the snowfall in Denver was 61 inches for the seasonal average.
> That first winter
> we lived here, the weather service recorded over 100 inches of snowfall
> and a dozen
> major storms of 12 inches or more. A couple of blizzards were over 20
> inches. Over the
> years, fortunately, this type of weather has dropped off to the point that
> the annual
> Denver snowfall total is down to about 30 inches. The high country, as we
> call it here, in
> the higher elevations of the Rocky Mountains, still continues averaging 10
> to 30 percent
> above normal seasonal snowfall nearly every year.
>
> I remember these wintry details for many reasons but largely because I
> found
> myself out in this cold freezing, snowy, icy weather during November
> trying to learn my
> way downtown using my white cane. At that time, we lived in west Denver
> and where I
> ended up working was about a 45 minute bus ride with an exchange of buses
> in between
> and that alone, the exchange, I mean, lasted several minutes just by
> itself. I had already
> trained considerably with the use of the white cane for mobility but
> Denver was much
> larger, with more traffic, and streets that were less than the average
> squares created by
> corridors north and south, east and west, which provided for more
> convenient right and
> left turns. I was more accustomed to traveling this way from living
> previously in Omaha,
> Nebraska.
>
> I also quickly learned that places of intersections in the Denver downtown
> area, at
> that time, had four-way stops. That is, all four lights turned read at
> one time and people
> could cross diagonally to any corner they wished. This made crossing such
> an
> intersection, especially since I learned the hard way the first time,
> quite difficult. As a
> white cane traveler, you listen to the people in front of you, or around
> you, and judge
> direction by where they are going. Logically, when the light turns, you
> cross just like
> everyone else around you. Not so fast, Quick Draw! I stepped out, the
> first time I
> learned otherwise, following a man in front of me when he suddenly swerve
> and makes a
> hard left angle turn. I thought, "Where in the Sam Hill is that guy
> going," and fortunately
> I continued straight across the wide street. A tip about this type of
> crossing is to listen for
> the waiting traffic to the side. Cars are pulled up, engines idling,
> waiting for the lights to
> change. This is, by the way, what kept me from following the man who
> curved away
> from a straight walk through the painted white lines of the crosswalk.
> Later that day, I
> mentioned this event to a blind friend and he explained to me what was
> happening and
> indicated streets where this was permitted.
>
> Since I had a considerable bus ride, bus transfer, and several blocks to
> walk to
> work even after leaving the bus, a mobility instructor was appointed to
> come to my house
> during evening hours to teach me where to find the bus stops, going and
> coming from,
> work, and to learn the route in-between. This was extra training just to
> get to work and it
> lasted two weeks.
>
> During this particular November, it was bitterly cold, snowy, and the
> streets,
> parking lots, and sidewalks all had a great deal of ice and snow
> incrustation. After being
> outdoors for two and three hours, we both, my mobility instructor, and
> myself, were
> getting more than a little cold. Such focus mobility in bad weather, for
> a blind person,
> creates, to say the least, extra stress. You are listening at all times
> to your surroundings
> such as barking dogs, are they coming this way, cars backing out of
> residential
> driveways, not seeing you, and nearly running you down, sidewalks at
> intersections with
> cut down curbs level which assist in helping you suddenly find yourself in
> the middle of
> the traffic without realizing it until several car horns begin honking
> louder than a flock of
> geese flying south for the winter, and you scurry back to where you judge
> the sidewalk is
> and pray you don't get run down before you fine the damn street corner.
> Of course, no
> respectable Born Again Christian, spiritual man of God such as I, would
> never think, let
> alone say, such a thing, but it is the way of things traveling blind and
> hoping your white
> cane isn't mistaken for a broom handle or mop handle before a driver
> squashes you, or
> knocks you into next week, which has, by the way, happened to a couple of
> friends of
> mine; one died and the other survived. So we ain't talking about a warm
> Sunday
> afternoon stroll in the park type of relaxation sort of thing, when White
> cane traveling is
> via busy metropolitan streets, if you get my meaning. Additionally, in
> such cold weather,
> wearing earmuffs, a stocking hat pulled down over your ears, or even just
> a common old
> hat can change the acoustical characteristics of the sounds around you and
> coming to
> your frozen ears. If you think feeling around with a white stick with
> your eyes shut is
> dangerous, just let your hearing freeze up and find out now you can't even
> ear where you
> are going.
>
> Another unique experience for a blind person is crossing a street with a
> situation
> of a parking lot, or in my case, a gas station on the opposite corner.
> Since there are few,
> if any at all, reference points in which to allow you safe passage
> traversing such a place,
> it is common, if you aren't staying focused, especially to the traffic
> noise on one side of
> you, to veer off a straight line into the parking lot or gas station. In
> such cases of drift,
> you end up walking into a parked car gassing up, or you'll be introduced,
> somewhat
> embarrassingly, to a gas pump with which you have collided, , or perhaps
> you'll miss
> everything and walk right into the front of the gas station building;
> breaking out a large
> display window with your head. Then there is the likelihood of being run
> down by a car
> pulling into, or out of, the gas station just as you are crossing the
> entrance or exit
> driveways. This was one of those cases. Due to the extreme cold,
> frustration of learning
> a difficult mobility route, I drifted off to my left. I was tired and
> cold and sick of trying
> to remember all the left and right turns to reach the appointed
> destination. In fact, I
> occasionally, to this very day, still have nightmares that harkens back to
> those days of
> watching your step, sort of speak, or be killed on the way to work. The
> mobility
> instructor, who was following at a considerable distance, began yelling,
> no, screaming at
> me, "Think, Phil! Think!" There was something to the tone of his voice
> that angered me.
> In my ears, his words sounded more like, "You idiot. Can't you do better
> than that?"
>
> Many decades later, I was seated in a friend's office as we talked about
> my
> daughter being a meth addict, the stress of closing a church I was
> pastoring, and a dozen
> other things that had finally gotten me down. I was depressed, hardly
> sleeping, hearing
> voices, and was suicidal. A ministry a man was doing is quite similar to
> what I do as an
> intercessor and praying with people, allowed me to make an appointment
> with him. The
> anxiety and panic attacks I was having at this point in my life were more
> than I could
> handle at the time. During our conversation and time of prayer, my friend
> said, "Phil,
> you know what to do; you just aren't doing it." It was true, of course,
> that I knew what to
> do, at least, based upon what he had taught me and that I had learned from
> other Bible
> teachers and preachers. The problem occurred when I found myself doing
> all the things I
> had been taught by such people but it wasn't working for me. "How could
> the Bible," to
> which I was obedient, "not be working for me?" This was pushing the
> anxiety level off
> the meter's scale. I honestly did not know what to do.
>
> Recently, at a low point, these two memories collided in my thoughts. I
> could not
> identify the emotions associated with either of these two memories which
> had caused me
> to instantly conduct my standard automatic (SAD), Search and Destroy
> mission. I felt,
> based upon the Lord displaying both memories at the same time, they had to
> have a
> common theme, commonality, or buried lie, but how and where? I could not
> see the
> connection but I knew it was there.
>
> Several weeks passed and I had, of course, prayed about these two memories
> repeatedly and seemed to make little, if any, headway in understanding the
> memories and
> their relationship. One day, as I sat at my computer, not typing but just
> finishing a task, I
> felt the Holy Spirit say, "So how did you feel in both these memories?"
> Since I was
> finished with that which I had been working, I stood up and walked about 6
> feet to a
> secondary room where I have a reclining rockingchair I sit in when praying
> with people
> on the phone. Sitting down, I allowed my thoughts to instantly focus on
> these two
> memories and straight up, whatever first came to my mind, answered the
> Holy Spirit's
> question. I named things such as rejection, a feeling of defeatism, and
> other related
> emotional feelings but somehow, none of what I felt really touched the
> core of the
> woundedness these two very vivid memories brought to my mind and emotions.
> Then, I
> heard it within the flow of my thoughts, "You can do better than that."
> It was actually a
> more menacing and threatening thought in my mind along the lines of, "You
> can't do
> anything right. You're blind. Blind people can't do anything right. And
> you call yourself
> a Christian." These fiery darts of outside thoughts attempted, and
> accomplished,
> penetration into my mental flow of thinking patterns, (I.E. my mind). .
> Recognizing
> what it was, demonic oppression with a truck load of lies they were
> dumping on me, I
> took every thought captive, praying against it, and authoritatively cut
> off their ability to
> continue trying to gain a spiritual handhold in my thoughts and mind. The
> two
> memories, although different, were linked. Thus, the Christian and the
> secular crossover
> perpetrated a dual mental attack.
>
> In such wounded memories, there is also the truth that is needed to bring
> healing
> to the circumstances and the damaged emotions associated with the pain one
> feels. I was
> stumped as to what the truth might be and turned the memories over and
> over in my mind
> trying to probe for the truth that Only the Lord can give. It eventually
> dawned on me that
> the lie the Enemy was attempting to hide was, "You can do better than
> that." The
> problem was, this type of a lie contains truth. We all can most certainly
> do better. We all
> can achieve personally. We all can succeed in any area of life we desire.
> In short, there
> is no limit to what we can do but even great achievers in life often
> suffer from depression
> and overwhelming thoughts beyond their control. So what's the truth?
> Usually doing
> better means based upon someone else's standard, that is, "Do it like me,
> and as well as I
> am doing it, and you will not only be ok, you'll be like me." WRONG! I
> want to be like
> Jesus and I am, so buzz off. This attitude, though normally unspoken,
> creates an endless
> and impossible level of accomplishment because, quite simply, everyone is
> uniquely
> created differently. So, in short, in an earthly sense, there is no human
> standard of
> success or failure. In this case, Jesus answered my question concerning
> the truth and He
> said, "I have already done all that needs to be done. I accept you as you
> are. You don't
> have to become a better person to impress me. I am already impressed with
> you just as
> you are now, and this is because you are just like me. I have made it
> so."
>
> If you try and improve upon this concept, you will discover you can never
> do
> enough; you can never achieve adequately, to the point, that you are
> fulfilled or satisfied
> with yourself. You will be that little cute hamster in his wheel;
> running, and running, and
> running, and spinning, and spinning, and spinning, yet without ever
> reaching your goal
> and satisfaction that you have done well in the sight of the Lord. You
> will, in short, spin
> yourself into what I call, (CQG), Christian quasi genericism simply put,
> performance
> based Christianity.
>
> Aren't you sick of living like all your Christian friends? Haven't you,
> by now,
> exhausted about everything the pastor has told you to do to become a well
> behaved good
> little Christian? Haven't you read one too many Christian books telling
> you how to live a
> successful, productive, Godly Christian life? Hasn't legalism, in all it
> various shapes and
> ugly forms of phony spirituality, gotten the best of you by now? When
> will you ever
> achieve the best you can be and how will you know you have spiritually
> arrived? My
> answer is simple. Whatever I can't do, Jesus already has done. Why
> should I reinvent
> the theological wheel, whipping up a denomination in the process, or in
> order to maintain
> a good strong hold, that is, control, just have one big megachurch with
> thousands of
> Sunday-go-to-meetin' folk and thousands more on television that send me
> money. Boy,
> ain't we having church now!
>
> Recently, a good Christian buddy of mine tried reaching me three times
> over the
> weekend. I don't know where I was but it wasn't where I could hear my
> office phone any
> of those three times. He did record each time, a voice mail message,
> leaving strong
> words of encouragement and instruction. How did he know I needed to hear
> his
> encouragement? He knows how to pray and how to hear the Holy Spirit.
> It's easy;
> anybody can do it who learns how to pray. In his direct words of
> challenge, it included
> mild rebuke for trying too hard and forgetting to let the Lord do all the
> heavy lifting, plus
> confirmation of his personal love and concern for me as friends and
> Christian brothers in
> the Lord. He also told me a story you also need to here, so I'm going to
> tell it to you. It
> is more than worth retelling.
>
> A good old boy is walking down a dusty old road in the summers heat with a
> 100
> pound see bag toss over his shoulder. During his long walk into town, an
> old beat up
> pickup, with bald tires and rusting paint, slowed and stopped next to him.
> "Say, son," he
> called out the open window which handle had busted off three years before,
> hop in the
> back and I'll give you a ride right on in to town. I'd let you ride up
> front but got my wife
> and two young-uns already up front, if-en, that is, you don't mind ridin'
> yonder in back."
>
> "Naw, sir," the young boy replied. "I'm much obliged and I surely thank
> yaw
> kindly."
>
> The boy, with his heavy feed sack, climbs into the back and sits down with
> his
> seed sack still hanging off his right shoulder.
>
> As they drove on in toward town, the driver of the pickup looks back and
> notices
> the boy is still trying to hang on to that heavy feed sack tossed over his
> back. Since the
> back winda of the truck had been blowed clean out accidentally by the
> farmer's shotgun
> discharging last fall when he had been hunting rabbits and squirrels,
> blowing the winda to
> Kingdom Come, nobody hurt, praise be to the Lord, the farmer said, "Say,
> son. I knowed
> this here truck ain't much but she's strong and big enough to carry that
> feed sack you be
> trying to carry. Drop the load, boy, and enjoy the ride."
>
> Do you see it? Even as Christians, and I don't care if you have a radio
> or
> television show, have written 50 books on how to be a magnificent specimen
> of Jesus
> Himself, are a millionaire and give a 20 dollar bill each week in the
> offering at church, or
> even if you've been saved and healed from disease, bowlleggedness, bald
> headedness, an
> athlete's foot, if you are still dragging that heavy sack around when
> Jesus has done
> already done all the heavy lifting, you best be getting your head examined
> real soon like.
> And if you cannot understand plain English, you ain't never gonna be free
> in Jesus. If
> you need help finding out how to get rid of that heavy old sack, you all
> give me a ring.
> Yaw hear? Better yet, get Jesus on the horn and talk it through with Him.
>
> It Sounds Like God To Me
> WWW.SafePlaceFellowship.com
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