Jenifer,
My prayers are with you, it took a lot of courage to write this and to share 
it with your Christian friends.  I am glad you shared it with us and I pray 
you will be at peace with your decision.
Hugs and blessings to you and Jeramy,

Virgie and Lady Hoshi

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Jenifer Gilley" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, March 04, 2008 4:43 AM
Subject: my story.


> hi all.
> It took me almost nine years, but  i was finally able to write this down.
> It wasn't easy and i pray that others would benifit.  ***warning*** long!
> The Truth Behind the Walls
>
> Most people don't know what really goes on behind the walls of an abortion
> clinic. unfortunately I do.  I had an abortion on March 18, 1999.  Some
> would criticize me, and call me heartless and say I was going to hell.  I
> would call myself stupid, scared, but forgiven!
>
> It was a dreary kind of cold Thursday morning as I rode to the clinic with
> my parents.  The father of my child didn't go with us. he chose to stay
> behind and deny what was going on.  I was about ten weeks pregnant and my
> life was spinning out of control.  I had just found out I was pregnant 
> about
> a month before, and during that month it seemed like my life was no longer
> my own.  I let my parents tell me that I had no other choice but to abort 
> my
> little girl.  I figured that the father wasn't helping me with the 
> decision
> so what choice did I have?
>
> As we rode the forty-five minutes to the clinic I laid on the back seat
> with my seeing eye dog Claudia next to me on the floor.  I had so many
> thoughts going through my mind, yet I had nothing going through it at the
> same time.  I was scared and at that point I didn't care if the procedure
> killed me.  That's what they called it. the abortion was a procedure, the
> fetus was a pregnancy, and the mother. well she wasn't considered a 
> mother.
> I had to sign a lot of things and listen to some stuff the day before 
> about
> the *risks* of the *procedure*.  They included but are not limited to:
> breast cancer, tremendous blood loss that could lead to a transfusion, 
> liver
> damage, and possibly death.  Who wouldn't be scared?
>
> I knew that the tiny twitch going on inside of me was a person, but I was
> too scared to stick up for her!  The crazy thing?  I had written a story 
> for
> an assignment of my senior year of high school that included a girl not
> going through with her abortion.  Laying there I thought "could I be that
> girl?  Would I have the nerve?"  My parents were talking to each other. 
> not
> about what was about to happen.  They left me to my own thoughts 
> thankfully.
>
> As we pulled up to the clinic door, my mom said to me, "You know. if I 
> were
> in your shoes, I would be doing the same thing."  I seriously wanted to 
> spit
> at her.
>
> As I numbly got out of the car with Claudia, it was like I was a zombie. 
> It
> wasn't me who was doing this.  It wasn't me who was about to go kill a
> child.  It couldn't be.
>
> The first few hours were just waiting.  Then it happened all at once.  The
> doctor-if you could call it that, was late because. get this!-he was
> delivering a baby!  Crazy huh?  So, they found me a new doctor.  I still
> remember her name-dr. lumly.
>
> First was the sonogram.  I remember asking what my baby looked like, and
> they said the fetus looked normal, my mom didn't say a word.  Then was the
> scale where they weighed me.  I remember my weight.
>
> Then they took me to this room.  Claudia stayed with my mom and dad.  This
> lady came in to get the anesthetic ready and I asked her a question.  I
> asked her first if I could ask the question to which she said it was ok.
> Then the question: "has anyone just got up and walked out."  The monster
> didn't answer me!  I swear this, if I could've seen I would've ran out of
> there and found a way for me and my daughter to make it.  But I was so
> horrified and alone. it was horrible.
>
> Then the doctor. murderer. whatever you want to call her came in.  she 
> told
> me to lie back, and they stuck the needle in my arm.  From the minute the
> needle was in I started to cry.  During the whole thing, I just felt like 
> I
> was being held.  I was not alone in that room.  I hadn't came back to God 
> at
> that point, but I feel that He knew my heart and He was with me.
>
> When it was over I found myself in this room. it sounded like a big class
> room wide open etc.  I was still crying when I woke up.  My parents said
> that when they were told how I was doing, they had to physically pick
> Claudia up so she wouldn't bolt.
>
> I don't remember leaving the place.  I remembering making my parents pull
> over several times because the anesthetic they gave me made me throw up
> several times.
>
> When we got home, I couldn't believe where I was.  Everything was normal.
> My brothers didn't have a clue.  I remember feeling so horrible because my
> brother Eric, who didn't have a clue. a few weeks earlier we had been
> playing around and he hit me really hard in the stomach.  I thought to
> myself, "maybe he'll kill my baby so I don't have to."
>
> The months after my abortion I think I was suicidal.  Well not really
> because I don't think when it came down to it I would've done anything
> really.  Then I found the Left Behind Series.  I was addicted.  Growing 
> up,
> I never knew the God that they talked about.  Sure, I'd been baptized, but 
> I
> don't think I ever knew God.
>
> I was baptized and re-dedicated on 10/01/02.  And for almost 3 years I was
> in love with God.  I still struggled, I was still in pain.  My
> boyfriend-Skyla's (my daughter's) father broke up with me and found 
> someone
> else.  But God was with me through it all.
>
> Then, my father was killed in a motor cycle accident.  I still deal with
> issues of anger towards someone who doesn't even know I'm angry with him
> because I didn't go see my father the weekend before he died.  But I know
> that I'll see my daddy again.  I'm limping back to God because I know He 
> is
> the only one who cares, that you can cling to, that you can lean on!  I 
> know
> my daddy knows I forgave him, even though I never came out and told him. 
> I
> know he's up there right now holding my little girl.  My daddy and Skyla
> Ilene will be the first people I will see.  I know that my little girl has
> forgiven me.  I don't know if the father has ever dealt with it, and all I
> can do is pray for him.  He is not my responsibility any longer.
>
> I write this now because in two weeks, will be the 9th anniversary of my
> abortion.  I've never let Skyla go, and I've learned that I don't have to.
> She'll always have a piece of my heart.  But now that Jeremy and I are
> trying to start a family, I have to acknowledge that fact that I don't 
> have
> to let her go.  I can keep her and know she is in the best care possible.
> She's my first-born, my little angel, and with her papa.
>
> Skyla Ilene barr (name given by god)
> Due date-(confirmed by god) September 25, 1999
>
> Whispers From Heaven
> Mother, dear, dear Mother,
> could we talk, you and I?
> When I look down from Heaven,
> sometimes I see you cry.
> I want so much to hug you then
> as tight as tight can be,
> Because I think the tears you shed
> are sad, sad tears for me.
> Dear Mother, I forgive you,
> O please believe I do!
> It must have been so difficult,
> so very hard for you.
> They told you things would be all right,
> your life would just go on,
> But never said how much you'd weep
> and grieve when I'd be gone.
> Yet we can still be very close
> and love each other, too,
> For though I'm now with God,
> I'LL ALWAYS BE A PART OF YOU.
> So Mother, won't you NAME me, please
> and from my Home above
> I'll hear you and I'll come each time
> you call to me with Love.
> I'd like to be the faithful friend
> in whom you can confide;
> Your sentinel before God's Throne,
> the Angel at your side.
> So TALK to me and SING to me,
> and PRAY with me, please do!
> And when you send a smile to me,
> I'll send one back to you!
> So don't be sad, Mother,
> you'll be fine, I know,
> For I'll be there in Spirit
> where're you may go.
> And when God brings you home to me,
> my heart will know true bliss,
> As I run up to greet you
> with a great big hug and kiss!
> Love,
> Skyla Ilene Barr-was due 09/25/1999
>
> ***author unknown***
>
>
> Jenifer Gilley
> Christ came that we may have life everlasting!
> Email:
> [log in to unmask]
> msn-no email please:
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>