Lelia,
I don't really have a clue as to the criticisms you are expecting. I can
only assume the in-laws are critical of how you might do things, keep
things, cook, do up your hair, speak, who knows, as a person in general and
perhaps as a blind person as well. First of all don't panic. I know You
might think it sounds easier than it is, and perhaps it isn't first off,
but there are a few things to consider. First for you to feel anxious
about it means you might be feeling a bit self-conscious about what they
might be critical of. Justified or not you are self-conscious of it. Do you
do your best at what you do? Do you do what is reasonable considering what
else life tosses at you to juggle? Are Todd and yourself happy with things
as they are? If so, no need to sweat. What is the worst thing that could
happen? They come over, stay all week and pick pick pick for the week on
how this isn't right, or that isn't right and so on. Then they leave and it
is business as usual. So that might be the worst thing. I tend to look at
things to extremes, or as close as believably possible to them to help me
reason things out and reduce lies and fear, which is a lie anyway in the
form of action. The second thing is you could do all what is reasonable and
appropriate to prepare respectfully for your guests as if it were anyone
else coming over for a visit, and if things start to get picky, you could
just be quite frank with them at the onset of the criticisms. My
father-in-law use to be like that. I remember him telling my wife's
sister's boyfriend once when he was trying to do something ... "Man, if I
gave you a piece of gum, you'd really have trouble with that ". In other
words he was saying "Can't you walk and chew gum at the same time?" He was
pretty well noted for that kind of criticism and belittling. Knowing this,
one day I was with him, and this was before my wife and I were even
marreid, I was helping him hook up his boat trailer and he was standing
behind and over me while I was having trouble with the breakaway chains as
they were kinked up or something and he started that guff with me. I
slammed the chains down, stood up, turned around and looked him straight
in the eye and said... "You do it yourself then if you think you're so
smart" and let him fiddle with it. To this day, and that was over 25 years
ago, to this day he will not give me guff like that. I earned his respect
by standing up to him and showing him I'm not subordinate to him but an
equal and not about to take that kind of crap. Maybe that is the approach
you need to take? When criticisms come to a point of being uncomfortable,
be it the first one or the second to last one of their visit, perhaps you
ought just be honest with them and tell them you don't appreciate it and
just be frankly and if necessary brutally honest yet sternly respectful.
I would bet it would make future visits more pleasurable and less tense
for you. The only one you need to satisfy for lifestyle approval besides
God of course, is Todd and yourself. If you guys are happy, be comfortable
in what you have for a life and if someone else doesn't like it? So what,
they don't have to live it. What does it matter what they think anyway. I
can tell you no matter who you are, how nice you keep a place, how good a
food you cook, no matter if Martha Stewart profiled you on her show, there
will always be someone to say... "You see the way she has that decorated...
how gaudy I can't believe it". So don't sweat it. Do your best with what
you have to prepare for your guests and be secure in your selves. If panic
is present, something needs fixing, either your deceptive perception of
yourself, the in-laws, or the in-laws themselves, or all three . We're told
to be anxious for nothing and even though Jesus had no in-laws, he still
knew what he was talking about *smile* :) Don't sweat it Lelia, you are no
less a person, home maker, woman, wife, or citizen than anyone else in this
world.
Brad
|