a little humor to put in.
some of you will get this, if you have not worked in an office you may not.
-----Original Message-----
From: ken barber [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: Monday, September 13, 1999 9:16 PM
To: Andy Gray; Brian and Paula Davis; diane hurd; [log in to unmask];
frank staab; James M Barber; jhoy; Larry Scott; larry.barber; Patricia
Sanders; Rosalind E. Highsmith; Sandy Adams; Stephen P. Barber; Tony
Barber; [log in to unmask]
Subject: a few observations



overheard from my manager:

I guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my
secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an
agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.
She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is four
hundred a week."  I told her I'd give her that much with
pleasure.   She shook her head and replied, "With pleasure,
it'll be $600  a week."

............................................................................
..

                      TRANSLATING MANAGEMENT SPEAK

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: That's very interesting.
TRANSLATION: I disagree.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: "I don't disagree."
TRANSLATION: "I disagree."

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I don't totally disagree with you.
TRANSLATION: You may be right, but I don't care.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You have to show some flexibility.
TRANSLATION: You have to do it whether you want to or not.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have an opportunity.
TRANSLATION: You have a problem.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You obviously put a lot of work into this.
TRANSLATION: This is awful.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: In a perfect world.
TRANSLATION: Just get it working and get it out the door.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Help me to understand.
TRANSLATION: I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't
             think you do either.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You just don't understand our business.
TRANSLATION: We don't understand our business.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You need to see the big picture.
TRANSLATION: My boss thinks it's a good idea.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: My mind is made up. I am adamant on the subject.
                  There is no room for discussion. But if you do
                  want to discuss it further, my door is always open.
TRANSLATION:      crap on you.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I appreciate your contribution.
TRANSLATION: crap on you!

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We're going to follow a strict methodology here.
TRANSLATION: We're going to do it my way.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I didn't understand the e-mail you said you
                  sent.  Can you give me a quick summary?
TRANSLATION: I still can't figure out how to start the e-mail
             program.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Cost of ownership has become a significant issue
                  in desktop computing.
TRANSLATION: We want all of the benefits and none of the costs.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have to leverage our resources.
TRANSLATION: You're working weekends.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Individual contributor.
TRANSLATION: Employee who does real work.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Your project is on hold.
TRANSLATION: We've put a bullet in it.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Wrong answer.
TRANSLATION: You didn't tell me what I wanted to hear.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You needed to be more proactive.
TRANSLATION: You should have protected me from myself.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I'd like your buy-in on this.
TRANSLATION: I want someone else to blame when this thing bombs.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We want you to be the executive champion of this
                  project.
TRANSLATION: I want to be able to blame you for my mistakes.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We need to syndicate this decision.
TRANSLATION: We need to spread the blame if it backfires.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have to put on our marketing hats.
TRANSLATION: We have to put ethics aside.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: It's not possible. It's impractical. It won't
                  work.
TRANSLATION: I don't know how to do it.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: It's a no-brainer.
TRANSLATION: It's a perfect decision for me to handle.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I'm glad you asked me that.
TRANSLATION: Public relations has written a carefully phrased
             answer.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I see you involved your peers in developing your
                  proposal.
TRANSLATION: One person couldn't possibly come up with something
             this stupid.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: There are larger issues at stake.
TRANSLATION: I've made up my mind so don't bother me with the
             facts.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I'll never lie to you.
TRANSLATION: The truth will change frequently.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Our business is going through a paradigm shift.
TRANSLATION: We have no idea what we've been doing, but in the
             future we shall do something completely different.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Value-added.
TRANSLATION: Expensive.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Human Resources.
TRANSLATION: A bulk commodity, like lentils or cinder blocks.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: The upcoming reductions will benefit the vast
                  majority of employees.
TRANSLATION: The upcoming reductions will benefit me.