I'm praying for you. Also, I understand what you're going through.
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "joysetb4me" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, September 06, 2007 1:10 AM
Subject: What I am going through right now


> Well, I am very depressed and can't seem to find a sane soul that
> understands my heart right now. I am feeling a lil like Job with his 3
> friends that gave him countless words of advise, but no real answers that 
> he
> could grab a hold of. . I am hurting, but trying to allow God to soften 
> and
> change my heart. If you do not want to read the following letter I wrote 
> to
> God, its ok. I just needed to send it somewhere, so someone would know 
> what
> I feel right now at 6:50 PM Wednesday evening. I love you all sweet tee
>
>
>
> Dear Jesus,
>
> I am not sure what I am doing wrong, but I feel pressured by those around 
> me
> to hurry up in the healing you are doing. Lord, you know I am having 
> severe
> trouble with loneliness and depression. I really would like to know how to
> let yo be God and Lord supreme in my life. I am just not sure how to let 
> you
> all the way in, Jesus. I can't seem to get past blaming and resenting 
> others
> for my condition. Even now after so much healing, I feel so empty and 
> broken
> I wish you would let me come home. I mean how will I ever make a 
> difference
> I f I can't conform to the middle class stereo typical Christian? I hate
> their judgments and standards, God. They will not listen to me or change, 
> I
> am the one in error. Mean while they pollute their doctrines on to other
> poor broken hurting people that have trouble meeting their standards. I 
> get
> complaints all the time from these lost sheep of yours that the Church 
> does
> not understand them. But how can I help? I mean I am as poor and broken as
> these you want me to help. According to the powers that be, I am not 
> coming
> up to standards in daily living skills. Lord, I feel backed up into a 
> corner
> and I feel so trapped.
>
> I feel confused about so many things. I am about ready to throw in the 
> towel
> on trying to fit in. So, I quit asking for money, clean my house, go to
> every Church service, you know it will be something else they will have
> issue with. Was I born just to be an outcast or what? Well, I just wanted 
> to
> get all of this off my chest. I know I am having a hard time understanding
> all I need to do. I really hope you will unclog my heart and help me to
> listen, respond and be obedient. I hate feeling resentful. Its just not 
> Your
> way. Please forgive me for all of this self- absorbed chatter and self- 
> pity
> Thank you for allowing me the space just to poor out my heart.
>
> Please come and be near me Lord Jesus. I need you more now than ever. I
> really love you. Love your sweet tee rose.