Daniel is the name of my son, too. He is 10 and has mild-moderate CP. Welcome to the list.
Do you have a recent SIB-R or other overall assessment of your son's abilities? I find that it can help explain to people why my Daniel lags more in certain areas than others. While my Daniel is affected all over, the affects are greater as you move up from his feet. The area most affected is his head: speech, swallowing, drooling, etc. Some people don't initially understand why he can run around (weirdly but quickly) and yet not be able to button, snap, or clasp-fasten pants. His gross motor functions are around 4-5yrs, but fine motor in the hands is around 3yrs, while mouth stuff is still just under 2yrs.
One neurologist told me that different areas of the brain are affected in each child with CP. He said that while Daniel could "slurp and swallow" when reminded, it might take the concentration equivalent of an adult lacing up a shoe -- something one doesn't do while at the same time doing other tasks. With us, that mouth control is unconscious: not so for people with certain types of brain injury/damage.
This may help your wife understand why your Daniel can do something consciously only. What boy is gonna consciously try to remember spit-related issues every 15 seconds when he's interested in something else?
Virginia
> Date: Fri, 20 Mar 2009 12:50:30 -0400
> From: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Where to get answer, counseling for families of a child with CP.
> To: [log in to unmask]
>
> Hello All,
>
> I just signed up because I am looking for some help and I am having the
> hardest time finding what I need.
>
> I live in Columbia County Georgia and I have a 12 year old son with moderate
> CP. He has impaired speech and motor skills. He is in a wheelchair but can
> crawl. He can speak basic words with effort. He is toilet trained.
>
> To get right to it, I know that the divorce rate is high for families with children
> of disabilities. My wife and I divorced when my son was around 6 or 7. I have
> split custody so I have him 15 days out of the month. I am remarried, and
> that is where my problem is.
>
> My wife loves my son Daniel. But lately she is growing more and more
> annoyed and aggravated with him. It shows in how she talk to him and treats
> him. She is almost always angry when he is over. She has not always been
> this way with him, but it is getting worse and worse. You can almost cut the
> tension in the air when it is his time to be there.
>
> He tends to slump in his chair and hang his head to one side and to keep one
> of his hands clenched in a fist. If you look at him and tell him to sit up he
> will . He will self correct all of those things. He will sit there with his mouth
> open and watch tv or play and he tends to drool if he forgets to swallow. If
> you tell him to close his mouth and swallow he will with no problems. But after
> a few minutes he reverts back and may start to drool again.
>
> This is a huge issue for my wife. She does not understand why he has to
> constantly be reminded. If you look at him he will immediately close his mouth
> and swallow because he knows he should be doing that. But for some reason
> it really upsets my wife that he constantly has to be reminded and does not
> do it on his own. She thinks he knows he should and just chooses not too. I
> disagree. I don't like to see it either, but when I do, I try to lovingly remind
> him to do it. She says I am babying him. Am I? I don't know. I expect him
> to do it, but I don't get angry with him if he fails to.
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