How to treat a pastor.



A pastor  of a large  church stood up to  preach one Sunday.   He
began by making an announcement.

"I have been  given an opportunity to accept the position of head
pastor at..."

Before he could finish, a large man stood to his feet.  His voice
was loud and echoed through the large auditorium.  "Pastor, before you
make your decision final,  I would like to make you an offer.  I build
homes for a  living.  If  you and your family  will stay, I  will, for
free, build you  a nice two story, six bedroom,  four bathroom, triple
car garage, with a full sized swimming pool on ten acres of land.

Another man jumped to his feet.  His voice boomed louder than the
first  man's.  "Pastor, I'll add to that  offer.  As everyone knows, I
own the Cadillac dealership in town.  I'll give you, free of charge, a
new Caddy  of  your  choice  each  and   every  year   that you  stay.
Furthermore, I will  give your wife the  Cadillac SUV so she  can take
your children to school every day in luxury."

A third man stood to his feet and said, "I am the chairman of the
board and if you'll  stay, pastor, we will triple your salary and give
you eight weeks of paid vacation."

About this  time, a little old lady by  the name of Mrs. Johnson,
the oldest member of  the church at 95 years of age,  struggled to her
feet.   Her voice  was loud  and sharp  and everyone  could  not  have
helped  but listen.   she said, "Pastor,  I've talked it  over with my
husband and I will offer you sex every night for the rest of your life
if you will stay."

You could have heard a  pin drop by the time the pastor found his
voice.   He said, Mrs. Johnson,  what ever in the  world caused you to
say such a thing?"

She  smiled and said, "Well,  pastor, I leaned  over and asked my
husband if we could do something to encourage you to stay and he said,
'Screw him.'"