Along the lines of Ken's last one ...
Joke # 1:
Sarah's grandson is playing in the water, while she is standing on
the beach not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden a
huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly over the spot
where the boy is in the ocean. The water recedes and the boy is no
longer there. He simply vanished.
Sarah holds her hands to the sky and cries, "God, how could you? Have
I not been a wonderful mother and grandmother? Have I not given to
Bnai Brith and Haddasah? Have I not tried my very best to live a life
that you would be proud of?"
Just then, another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on
the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing there, smiling,
splashing around as if nothing had happened.
A loud voice booms from the sky, "I have returned your grandson. Are
you satisfied?"
Sarah responded, "Well ... He WAS wearing a hat."
Joke # 2:
A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling
ill. "Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?" "No." her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!" exclaimed the girl.
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and
throw up behind a bush." said her mother.
After about sixty seconds, the little girl returned to her seat. "Did
you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes," the little girl replied.
"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and
returned so quickly?" her mother asked.
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next
to the front door that says, 'For the Sick'."
Joke # 3:
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had
to leave Rome. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish
community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate
with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could
stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.
Having no choice, the Jews picked a middle aged man named Moishe to
represent them. Moishe asked for one addition to the debate. To make
it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The pope
agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite
each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and
showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one
finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.
Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a
wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope
stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what
happened. The Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent
the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that
there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my
finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded
by pointing to the ground and showing that god was also right here
with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that god
absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of
original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. "What
happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three
days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving.
Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let
him know that we were staying right here."
"And then?" asked a woman.
"I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took
out mine."
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