Killing The Spider And Eliminating Anger Management


By Phil Scovell






     A few years ago, I recall hearing about the small toys sold
for personal anger management.  They were soft toys that one
could pick up from their desk, or which they could pull from a
drawer, when they felt anger or frustration, stress or pressure,
and throw them against a nearby wall.  The soft toy would then
say something such as, "Oh, that felt good," or, "What a relief." 
They sometimes just made a noise like breaking glass or a
groaning sound.  This was advertised to assist office workers to
passively diminish, or otherwise, manage their feelings of anger. 
Did it work?  Sure, to a point but the anger never went away.

     My favorite all time Christian joke is about the little boy
who had the right theological idea.  The story goes this way.

     Every Sunday night, the pastor of the small church would
call on elderly Brother Jones to close in prayer.  The man prayed
eloquently, with flowing glowing words of majesty, and then, just
before saying, "Amen," he would say, "And Lord, just clean all
those spider webs out of our lives."  Sunday night after Sunday
night, these exact words by the same Godly man were spoken in his
closing prayer.

     finally, one night Johnny, now 10 years of age, and who had
heard this same prayer for literally years, couldn't stand it any
longer and following the closing prayer by Brother Jones, went to
speak with the elderly man.  "Brother Jones," he said honestly
and sincerely, "instead of cleaning out all those spider webs
from our lives each week, why don't we just find that spider and
kill him."

     I tell this story so many times, the people in my church
grown every time they hear it now.  The story has such great
spiritual application, though, I use it every chance I get
because it proves a very good point.  It also fits this topic of
our problems with anger.

     Anger is a natural, or should I say, unnatural, coping
mechanism.  Throwing a soft toy against the wall that squeaks or
says something funny upon impact, slamming a door hard, smacking
your fist into your palm, throwing something, swearing, honking
the car horn and screaming in your car at someone getting in your
way, giving someone the finger, kicking a chair across the room,
are just a few of the more mild forms of released anger. 
Slapping your child or your wife, driving recklessly, committing
road rage, getting stone drunk, throwing a chair through a
window, kicking the family dog into unconsciousness, punching the
guy out at the ball game because he is in your way, punching a
hole in the sheet rock, for which you'll have to repair later,
unless, of course, your fist hit a stud and you broke your hand,
waving your unloaded handgun around and acting like you are going
to shoot your wife, are a few of the more violent forms of anger
release.  All, however, are indications of something much deeper
and that is exactly where you are going to have to go, that is,
deeper, if you want to be totally free from anger.  That's right. 
I said you can be totally free from anger.

     Now, lest the reader think I am perfect, I have kicked a
door down, pounded my hands on the table top so hard, the bruises
hurt for a couple of weeks, thrown a small hand held tape
recorder across the room, threw a glass of water at the wall,
kicked a few things until they were broken, slammed doors so hard
glass broke, and a few other things I don't even specifically
recall now.  I never thought I had a temper or a problem with
anger either.  In fact, whenever I did such things, the anger
felt good.  I was remorseful afterwards, of course, but I
figured, since I was a Godly Christian, that was a good thing
because it meant I must not really have meant it in the first
place.  Plus, I used to always say, "It takes me a long time to
get mad but when I do, I really get mad.  Once it is over, it's
over and it is ok."  Yeah, sure it was.  Besides, I always
confessed my anger as sin to the Lord so that made everything ok. 
Right?  I was being Biblical, wasn't I?  So, if you said you were
sorry later, it was ok to release a little anger once and awhile. 
Right?  Sure, of course.  Let me ask you a question.  How much is
too much, or not enough, anger?  Of course, you realize I am not
asking you that question but Jesus is.

     Today we have specialists, highly educated professionals,
getting thousands of dollars an hour to come to corporations to
conduct management anger classes.  It almost always focuses on
how to defuse, or otherwise short circuit, the anger when it
begins to surface.  Quite simply, lets side track the anger
before it is released.  Sounds great.  Does it work?  It helps,
most likely, but why not kill the spider so we don't have all
those sticky disgusting spider webs around in the first place. 
At your next anger management class, ask your instructor or
therapist about killing the spider and see what they say.  If
they don't understand, tell them the joke I just told you and ask
them for comments.  You won't like what they say.  The bottom
line is, they don't believe it is that easy and they don't
believe you can be anger free.

     A few years ago, during a very desperate time of my life,
thinking I was going crazy due to anxiety and panic attacks that
were off the scale, I had a single session with a psychologist. 
She told me, whenever I felt the anxiety attack coming, to
picture a huge stop sign in my mind and focus on it.  Did it
work?  What do you think?  Do these government and private
industry anger management classes help?  That is, do their
management coping techniques work?  Sure they help.  The real
question is, does it kill the spider?  Maybe the question should
be, which do you prefer; coping or eliminating your anger?

     Back in the late seventies, I was an assistant pastor in a
small town in western Colorado.  Just before moving to this small
town, someone gave my wife a box of canning jars all packed very
nicely.  In the small church we were working in, a lady called me
one day and asked if I would find that box of canning jars for
her.  She said she would come over, they didn't live far away,
and pick them up and do some canning for my wife and I.  I went
out into our attached garage, dug around until I found the large
box and as I began pulling it free in order to carry it into the
house, my hands came in contact with some spider webbing.  It
felt totally different than any spider web I had ever felt.  It
was tough, strong, and when I tried pulling it off the box and
away from my fingers, it felt almost as if it were made of
elastic.  I thought nothing more about it.  The box had hand
holes cut into the side of either end so sticking my hand into
one end, I pulled the box free and carried it into the house.  I
sat the box on our counter top and a few minutes later, the lady
stopped by and picked up the box.  About a half an hour later,
our phone rang and I answered it.  Jo Ann said, "Phil, I am
unpacking the canning jars.  Did you know there was a black widow
spider inside?"  I told her about the spider webbing I had pulled
away from the box and she informed me to stop screwing around
with stuff in the garage because those types of webs were
characteristic of black widows.  I was indeed careful from then
on.  Let me ask you this question.  Do you think just knowing
there was a spider got rid of it?  Of course not and just knowing
you have anger, and ripping away the cobwebs won't make the
spider go away either.

     Anger isn't the problem.  Anger means something hurts some
place deep down inside.  The display of outward anger allows for
some emotional relief but anger, carefully guarded, suppressed
and repressed, and held in, can, and does, create physical
problems.  In other words, the anger dumps into the body
somewhere and there are physical responses to that anger.

     A few years ago, I was attending a small church.  The pastor
invited me to sort of work as his assistant pastor.  I did so. 
As I got to know him, I really grew to love him.  His preaching
and teaching was as good as any I had ever heard and he seemed to
like people.  He was humorous and enjoyed having a good time even
in church.  He could sing well, was excellent at leading worship,
and I felt he should have been pastoring a church of 500 people
instead of 20 or so we had in this particular church.  He had one
problem, though, and that was anger and he didn't know it.

     As I got to know him and learned about his early life as a
child, I learned why he was angry.  He used his anger to push
people away.  Yes, it worked every time.  His anger was right
down alarming at times.  He had taken a church of about 100
people and in 12 years, he was down to about 6 members.  The
church bills were not being paid, the pastor wasn't getting
enough to live on, and he began blaming his own church.  He also
experience horrible back pain at times which would, on occasion,
take him out of ministry for several weeks at a time.  Was this
due to anger?  I know it was for a fact based upon things he
would tell me personally.

     Eventually, since he was using me as a sounding board for
his anger and he was literally naming individuals in the church
to me privately, I felt, as his brother in the Lord, the need for
accountability.  During one of his angry displays one day, I
pointed out to him what he was doing to him and his own people. 
This man prided himself on knowing the Word.  In order to allow a
place for anger to exist in his life as a pastor, he insisted
upon arguing from a strictly Biblical standpoint.  Let me
illustrate what I mean.

     during one of his down times due to his back being out, I
was taking his place.  He had called and told me to tell the
handful of people we still had at that time, that we needed about
250 dollars for church expenses.  His wife played the piano and
she was there that day.  I felt led for all of us to gather
around her and to lay hands on her to pray for her, the pastor,
and their physical and financial needs.  I think she had a cold
herself that day.  I then said, after we prayed, that I had 160
dollars left from my income tax return that I would put toward
the church financial need.  Others began saying what they would
put in.  My youngest son and his wife, for example, spoke up and
he said he would cover the balance.  Others spoke up and said
they would put in certain dollar amounts and we ended up with
over 300 dollars.

     Later, the pastor was complaining to me over the phone that
people were not giving enough and that was our problem.  Our
problem wasn't that at all.  You cannot have six members in your
church, three of which are in their seventies and living on
social security, and have big Sunday offerings.  The problem was
we were not reaching anyone with the Gospel.  The church, in
other words, was spiritually dead.  Yes, can you believe that?  A
spiritually dead Charismatic church?  By the way, the number of
people you have does not determine if your church is alive or
dead.  We have had Holy Ghost worship and praise and shouting
times in the living room of my home many times.  You don't even
need, for that matter, a church building.  Why?  Because, if you
are born again, you are a part of the Body of Christ and where 2
or 3 are gathered together, Christ is in their midst.

     During this angry outburst my pastor was experiencing, he
said, "Nobody even came and offered to pray for me and anoint me
with oil."  The tone to his voice was harsh, bitter, and hostile. 
He said this right after he complained that we, the church, were
not giving enough to the church financially.  I pointed out to
him his attitude was wrong.  I told him that I personally thought
of asking my son to drive with me out to his home, which was 30
minutes from the church, to anoint him with oil and to lay hands
on him but I didn't for two reasons.  First, he, the pastor,
never asked.  Secondly, I didn't think, even if I went, he would
allow me to pray for him based upon his attitude.  Yes, I told
him both things.  He wanted me to prove what I said from the
Bible so read the following instructions given to us by James.

"14  Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the
church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the
name of the Lord:  15  And the prayer of faith shall save the
sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committee
sins, they shall be forgiven him.  16  Confess your faults one to
another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The
effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much,"
(James 5:14-16).

     Do you see it?  If you are sick, you are to call for the
elders of the church.  Our pastor was too proud to call for the
elders of his church to anoint him with oil.  I pointed out to
him that it was his responsibility to call for us to come and
pray for him and not the other way around.  He backed down and
admitted that was Biblically right but his pride kept his anger
in place.

     That is another aspect of anger which is rarely seen, that
is, pride.  You will always find pride under anger.  How do I
know?  I have experienced it myself following an almost fit of
rage I had one evening arguing with my youngest son.  I said
things, and thought things, that were so unchristian, when my son
left, I sat in my office and cried like a baby and tried to
figure out why I had exploded in cataclysmic rage.  As I prayed,
sobbing, begging God to show me what was wrong, He told me it was
caused by pride.  I was so emotionally upset, I was unable to
pray about this one by myself.  Two days later, as I sat in a
man's office and we shared a prayer session together, the Lord
healed me in many places I never knew existed.  If you want to
read about this experience of healing, read my personal testimony
called, "I Flew Kites With Jesus."

     I have learned from both personal experience, and through
praying with others, anger is used to cover the truth.  What
truth?  The truth about how we really feel about ourselves, the
fear that frightens us so much, we has suppressed it almost out
of our consciousness, The doubts we have about how others see us,
the guilt that we maybe just aren't good enough and God isn't
happy, and the fear the somebody, maybe even in the church, is
going to find out what we are really like and if they do, they
won't like us.  The fear generated by rejection alone is Titanic
and we will do anything to keep that from happening.

     Fortunately, there is a way of living free from anger and
from the fear of anger.  No, there is not a single answer because
everybody is different.  Yes, there are common elements to anger
and frankly, most people, when prayed with, discover they have
anger that they never knew was there.  Like me, for example.

     How about you, now?  Isn't it time you let Jesus show you
the truth about who He is and who you are so you can be anger
free?  Let Jesus show you how to kill the spider creating all
those webs in your life that are trying to hinder your intimate
relationship with Him.


It Sounds Like God To Me.
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