I need you to pray for something. I'm totally blind. I live with an aunt, or 
at least I've been trying to live with her for ten years. Sure,

she loves me. She takes me to the doctor, whenever I need to go. She does a 
lot for me, but I'm having to pay too high a price for it. She's verbally 
abusive.

Sometimes, when she's not home, I dramatize on tape. I play the narrator or 
storyteller, and all the characters. You know with drama there's got to be

some expression. If I went to a play and all the characters sounded dull, 
I'd fall asleep. She's saying that I act retarded on tape. She's always 
telling

me that I act either childish or retarded. I've tried living by her 
standards, but I'm to the point where I'm about to say, "Well, to you know 
where with

her." I hate to say that, in light of all she's done for me, but verbal 
abuse is just too high a price to pay. She had the nerve  to ask me the 
other night

where she could put me in order to make me act like a 33-year-old. I said, 
"Why don't you just put me in Sersey, since you think I act retarded." She 
said

that Sersey wasn't for two-year-olds. I've tried several things. I've 
involved my other family members, but they're like, "Don't involve me." 
"Don't let

her get to you." "Pay no attention." But, I've got to stand up for myself. 
If I don't, who will? I've got to think about Kim. I know it sounds selfish,

but I don't have to put up with verbal abuse. I'm considering involving DHR. 
I've also tried just going to counseling together, and when I was in therapy

after Mom killed herself, my counselor offered to just have therapy sessions 
for both of us, but she turned him down flat. What can I do? I just feel so

alone. I feel like there's just no advocacy agency for the blind around 
here. I mean, I wait till she's not around to dramatize. The least she could 
do

is just appreciate that I'm considerate enough not to bother her while she's 
here. Of course, nothing pleases her, so it's impossible for her to 
appreciate

me at all. I'm beginning to be sorry I ever came to live with her. I know, 
that's a harsh thing to say, after all she's done for me, but her verbal 
abuse

is just wearing me down. I don't know what else to do. My biggest fear is 
that after I call DHR, that they'll stick me with someone that either does 
what

she's doing, or worse. I don't know what to do. As I said, I'm out of ideas. 
So, please Respond

Normally, I wouldn't air dirty laundry like this, in a public format, but 
I'm out of options here. If I call DHR, there's the likelihood they'll put 
me

with someone worse than she is. I just want to use the gift God gave me 
without someone telling me how retarded they think I act. Other than 
vocational

rehabilitation services, there's no advocacy agencies for the blind in this 
area, or at least not to my knowledge, and VRS doesn't deal with verbal 
abuse.

I've tried moving in with other relatives, but that's not an option. I've 
taken independent living classes, but she just won't let me practice the 
skills
I learn. What good are independent living

skills when someone won't

let you use them? She's controlling, as well. If I'm about to have a family 
member come and get me, so I can spend time with them, she gets all mad. The

way she acted the other night was totally uncalled for. I know she's been a 
great source for transportation and for a roof over my head, but verbal 
abuse

is just too high a price for me to have to pay. I mean, I don't dramatize on 
tape when she's here. She ought to at least appreciate that I don't do it

when she's here, or especially late at night. I just want to use the gift 
God gave me. Granted, sometimes, drama can be wild, but if you're going to 
dramatize,

you have to show expression. If I went to a play and heard a character say 
something like, "Watch out, the house is on fire,", I'd go to sleep. If I 
tell

someone the house is on fire, I'll say, "Watch out! The house is on fire!" I 
have an appreciation for drama. The other night she had the nerve to ask me

where we could put me, so I'd act the way she wanted me to. I just snapped 
and asked why not put me in an institution. She said, "Sersy isn't for 
two-year-olds."

I just broke down. It was bad enough, her talking about this when I didn't 
feel good to begin with, but for her to practically ask me something like 
that

was just one wrong word too many. Plus, she had the nerve to tell me that I 
could forget living with a certain family member, when she allegedly didn't

even want me there on the weekend. This family member she was referring to 
is a respectable person. I turn to her a lot, and to hear my aunt say 
something

so cruel just pushed me to the breaking point. I just need prayer and advice 
on this. I've told her time and

time again how she makes me feel, but she doesn't listen. I've involved the 
family, but some of them just don't want

to be involved, and others would like to help, but they've got their own 
lives to lead. When I was in therapy shortly after Mom's suicide, I 
addressed

the issue with my counselor, and he offered sessions where she and I could 
just sit down and just talk about our problems, but she refused. I was on 
Xannax

for anxiety, but she'd either let other people take my medicine, or she'd 
give some of it away. I'm at a loss.

As I said, other than VRS, there aren't any advocacy agencies for the blind 
in this area, that I'm aware of. Besides, rehab doesn't have anything

to do with where a person lives. If I lived by myself, I'd have to microwave 
all my meals, since I can't cook on the stove or in the oven.

I've tried at least three independent living programs, and although they've
helped somewhat, I just wasn't able to use the skills I acquired because
someone, and I believe you can figure out who, wouldn't let me label the
stove or anything else. I'm lucky that I can make tea in the coffeepot, but
short of microwaving and that, I'm useless. I'm nothing.


It's just that I feel like a failure, because my skills have gone
South, if you know what I mean. I'm blessed to know how to make tea in the
coffeepot, but when it comes to the George Foreman or the oven, or
especially the stovetop, I feel so helpless and so useless. Sometimes, it's
so awful I just feel worthless. I know I wouldn't say it, but it's just the
way I feel. And just today after the awful episode, I found myself wishing,
God forbid that I'd just gone home with Mom when she died. I don't mean gone
home, like going to her house. I think you can put two and two together. Now
that I'm calm enough to be rational, I'm thankful I didn't die when she did,
or in the way she did, because as a result of some seizure medicine she was
taking, she committed suicide. Still, I need lots of prayer, support,
friendship, a few shoulders to boost me back on to the mountain, and some
patience. I don't mean to sound like a whiner.


I was in counseling at one time, shortly after Mom's
suicide. I finished the program, finally, and my counselor offered to
counsel me and my aunt, but she refused. Apparently, she doesn't believe
either of us need counseling. I need something.


Oh Lord, you won't believe the turmoil we had last night. My aunt's nose was
hurting, because she's got a Rison or something up in there, and I laughed
at something on TV, and she accused me of making fun of her because she was
in pain. She got up in my face and told me to go to my room, like a
three-year-old going to time out, and when I tried to come back and explain
that I hadn't made fun of her, she said that she didn't want an apology
from me. Please pray, as I don't know what I've done to deserve such
treatment. I can't live with her after this. I don't know what to do
anymore. I prayed last night, that God would soften her stone cold heart. I
just can't deal with her any more. I've prayed, I've talked to family
members, but now I'm just at the end of my rope. My last nerve snapped last
night. I've finally hit rock bottom. Pray as you never have before, please,
and tell Dot to pray. Last night, for the first time in a long time, I
thought of suicide, although I know it's not the answer. The devil's trying
to get the best of me, and I'm trying to use the authority Jesus gave us
Christians against the enemy.


I need all the help I can get. After last night, I don't know if I
want to live here.
 She scares me. I'm just scared that if I continue to live in this torment, 
that she'll end upp hitting me, as I stated earlier. Do forgive me, please, 
but I'm just nervous.