MARY.

HOW AWFUL... BUT PRAISE GOD THAT HE IS HELPING YOU, HEALING YOU... AND HE'S
NOT DONE YET.  MY HEART BREAKS FOR YOU... AND KNOW I AM PRAYING FOR YOU.
CLING TO OUR SAVIOR!  HIDE UNDER THE SHADOW OF HIS WING!  GIVE IT ALL TO
HIM.  HE IS THERE... AND I PRAY YOU WILL FEEL HIS PRESENCE LIKE NEVER
BEFORE!

IN CHRIST JESUS'S NAME.


Jenifer Gilley
Christ came that we may have life everlasting!
 Email:
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check out my blog!
http://claudastar.blogspot.com

-----Original Message-----
From: The Electronic Church [mailto:[log in to unmask]]On
Behalf Of MariJean
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2007 8:46 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: my prayer session


On Saturday night, Jesus took me back to my rage, which, by the way
gave birth to one of my helpers when I was yet a child.  I carried
this rage for at least 50 years.  It was so familiar that I
integrated it into part, (the largest portion) of my personal identity.

I had to go back and feel it again, the murderous, destructive,
powerful rage, mostly directed against my brother who was the 2nd of
my sexual perpetators from the time I was 12 until I was 16 years old.

But, it was not just the molestations, but it was the fact that,
along with taking my body whenever he desired it, it was also the
fact that he drew it and sharred these drawnings with his school
mates.  I only knew this when I overheard a conversation between my
brother and his best friend as they talked and laughed about the drawings.

My brother was a gifted young artist, and, his renderings of my nude
body and, of course, my sexual organs must have been pretty good.

As I returned to the place where this rage, both against my father
and my brother, a wave of nausea swept over me and, I wasn't sure if
I would cry, or vomit.  It turned out that I was suffering from
abreaction, which Phil had seen many times before.

In the long and the short of it, I ended up giving up the murderous
rage and, later only discovered that I also carried guilt because, as
a twelve-year-old girl, growing into a woman, not only did my body
enjoy the first few encounters, I had given him permission for these
first encounters.  Later, when the enjoyment wore off, he had to use
threats and intimidation to continue this sickening behavior.

Now, to where I am now.  This rage formed a goodly part of my own
personal identity and, when I gave it to THE LORD, now, I feel as if
I have lost a huge chunk of myself and I feel empty and sorrowful.

Jesus showed me how he viewed me, though I still believed myself to
be a twenty-cent whore.

There is also the further complication of the aniversary of my
parents death which is on the twenty-fifth of this month.

Please, my loving family, please pray for me.  I feel in deep grief
at present.  I know that THE LORD JESUS THE CHRIST is with me because
he promised this, but pray, pray, pray for me during this deep
grief.  I know that I will be a much happier person, free of the
weight of the guilt and the rage when all is said and done, but I
need your support.

I am sorry if this subject has offended some, but writing at least
some of it is very, very important.  I need to shed light on this
all-too-long darkened and self-destructive part of my life and my personage.

Thank you for reading this.

LOVE IN CHRIST THE RADIANT AND GLORIOUS KING,

Mari