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Subject:
From:
Kim Etheridge <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
The Electronic Church <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Thu, 19 Apr 2007 21:46:12 -0500
Content-Type:
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Thanks, Secily, if I spelled it right.
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Cecily Ballenger" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, April 19, 2007 9:18 PM
Subject: Re: please pray for me


> Kim, I know how you feel about someone not allowing you to be independent,
> as my mother was that way. I think her main thing was she was afraid to 
> have
> me try to cook or make cookies or do anything like that. Once she figured
> that I could do dishes and dust and rake the carpet, those were my chores.
> She was usually pretty nice to me though. When I told her I wanted to move
> away to become a medical transcriber, she was very glad to let me go. I 
> was
> a little surprised as I didn't think she would let me move out on my own.
> She and a friend helped me move and everything. She knows I can do stuff,
> but she just doesn't like to watch me do it. I'll pray for you. I've never
> been abused in that way, but I know it must be horrible. I hope you find a
> different living situation soon. I am just now reading this message as I 
> got
> somewhat behind. Take care.
>
> Cecily
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: The Electronic Church [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of Kim Etheridge
> Sent: Saturday, April 07, 2007 4:24 PM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: please pray for me
>
> I need you to pray for something. I'm totally blind. I live with an aunt, 
> or
>
> at least I've been trying to live with her for ten years. Sure,
>
> she loves me. She takes me to the doctor, whenever I need to go. She does 
> a
> lot for me, but I'm having to pay too high a price for it. She's verbally
> abusive.
>
> Sometimes, when she's not home, I dramatize on tape. I play the narrator 
> or
> storyteller, and all the characters. You know with drama there's got to be
>
> some expression. If I went to a play and all the characters sounded dull,
> I'd fall asleep. She's saying that I act retarded on tape. She's always
> telling
>
> me that I act either childish or retarded. I've tried living by her
> standards, but I'm to the point where I'm about to say, "Well, to you know
> where with
>
> her." I hate to say that, in light of all she's done for me, but verbal
> abuse is just too high a price to pay. She had the nerve  to ask me the
> other night
>
> where she could put me in order to make me act like a 33-year-old. I said,
> "Why don't you just put me in Sersey, since you think I act retarded." She
> said
>
> that Sersey wasn't for two-year-olds. I've tried several things. I've
> involved my other family members, but they're like, "Don't involve me."
> "Don't let
>
> her get to you." "Pay no attention." But, I've got to stand up for myself.
> If I don't, who will? I've got to think about Kim. I know it sounds 
> selfish,
>
> but I don't have to put up with verbal abuse. I'm considering involving 
> DHR.
>
> I've also tried just going to counseling together, and when I was in 
> therapy
>
> after Mom killed herself, my counselor offered to just have therapy 
> sessions
>
> for both of us, but she turned him down flat. What can I do? I just feel 
> so
>
> alone. I feel like there's just no advocacy agency for the blind around
> here. I mean, I wait till she's not around to dramatize. The least she 
> could
>
> do
>
> is just appreciate that I'm considerate enough not to bother her while 
> she's
>
> here. Of course, nothing pleases her, so it's impossible for her to
> appreciate
>
> me at all. I'm beginning to be sorry I ever came to live with her. I know,
> that's a harsh thing to say, after all she's done for me, but her verbal
> abuse
>
> is just wearing me down. I don't know what else to do. My biggest fear is
> that after I call DHR, that they'll stick me with someone that either does
> what
>
> she's doing, or worse. I don't know what to do. As I said, I'm out of 
> ideas.
>
> So, please Respond
>
> Normally, I wouldn't air dirty laundry like this, in a public format, but
> I'm out of options here. If I call DHR, there's the likelihood they'll put
> me
>
> with someone worse than she is. I just want to use the gift God gave me
> without someone telling me how retarded they think I act. Other than
> vocational
>
> rehabilitation services, there's no advocacy agencies for the blind in 
> this
> area, or at least not to my knowledge, and VRS doesn't deal with verbal
> abuse.
>
> I've tried moving in with other relatives, but that's not an option. I've
> taken independent living classes, but she just won't let me practice the
> skills
> I learn. What good are independent living
>
> skills when someone won't
>
> let you use them? She's controlling, as well. If I'm about to have a 
> family
> member come and get me, so I can spend time with them, she gets all mad. 
> The
>
> way she acted the other night was totally uncalled for. I know she's been 
> a
> great source for transportation and for a roof over my head, but verbal
> abuse
>
> is just too high a price for me to have to pay. I mean, I don't dramatize 
> on
>
> tape when she's here. She ought to at least appreciate that I don't do it
>
> when she's here, or especially late at night. I just want to use the gift
> God gave me. Granted, sometimes, drama can be wild, but if you're going to
> dramatize,
>
> you have to show expression. If I went to a play and heard a character say
> something like, "Watch out, the house is on fire,", I'd go to sleep. If I
> tell
>
> someone the house is on fire, I'll say, "Watch out! The house is on fire!" 
> I
>
> have an appreciation for drama. The other night she had the nerve to ask 
> me
>
> where we could put me, so I'd act the way she wanted me to. I just snapped
> and asked why not put me in an institution. She said, "Sersy isn't for
> two-year-olds."
>
> I just broke down. It was bad enough, her talking about this when I didn't
> feel good to begin with, but for her to practically ask me something like
> that
>
> was just one wrong word too many. Plus, she had the nerve to tell me that 
> I
> could forget living with a certain family member, when she allegedly 
> didn't
>
> even want me there on the weekend. This family member she was referring to
> is a respectable person. I turn to her a lot, and to hear my aunt say
> something
>
> so cruel just pushed me to the breaking point. I just need prayer and 
> advice
>
> on this. I've told her time and
>
> time again how she makes me feel, but she doesn't listen. I've involved 
> the
> family, but some of them just don't want
>
> to be involved, and others would like to help, but they've got their own
> lives to lead. When I was in therapy shortly after Mom's suicide, I
> addressed
>
> the issue with my counselor, and he offered sessions where she and I could
> just sit down and just talk about our problems, but she refused. I was on
> Xannax
>
> for anxiety, but she'd either let other people take my medicine, or she'd
> give some of it away. I'm at a loss.
>
> As I said, other than VRS, there aren't any advocacy agencies for the 
> blind
> in this area, that I'm aware of. Besides, rehab doesn't have anything
>
> to do with where a person lives. If I lived by myself, I'd have to 
> microwave
>
> all my meals, since I can't cook on the stove or in the oven.
>
> I've tried at least three independent living programs, and although 
> they've
> helped somewhat, I just wasn't able to use the skills I acquired because
> someone, and I believe you can figure out who, wouldn't let me label the
> stove or anything else. I'm lucky that I can make tea in the coffeepot, 
> but
> short of microwaving and that, I'm useless. I'm nothing.
>
>
> It's just that I feel like a failure, because my skills have gone
> South, if you know what I mean. I'm blessed to know how to make tea in the
> coffeepot, but when it comes to the George Foreman or the oven, or
> especially the stovetop, I feel so helpless and so useless. Sometimes, 
> it's
> so awful I just feel worthless. I know I wouldn't say it, but it's just 
> the
> way I feel. And just today after the awful episode, I found myself 
> wishing,
> God forbid that I'd just gone home with Mom when she died. I don't mean 
> gone
> home, like going to her house. I think you can put two and two together. 
> Now
> that I'm calm enough to be rational, I'm thankful I didn't die when she 
> did,
> or in the way she did, because as a result of some seizure medicine she 
> was
> taking, she committed suicide. Still, I need lots of prayer, support,
> friendship, a few shoulders to boost me back on to the mountain, and some
> patience. I don't mean to sound like a whiner.
>
>
> I was in counseling at one time, shortly after Mom's
> suicide. I finished the program, finally, and my counselor offered to
> counsel me and my aunt, but she refused. Apparently, she doesn't believe
> either of us need counseling. I need something.
>
>
> Oh Lord, you won't believe the turmoil we had last night. My aunt's nose 
> was
> hurting, because she's got a Rison or something up in there, and I laughed
> at something on TV, and she accused me of making fun of her because she 
> was
> in pain. She got up in my face and told me to go to my room, like a
> three-year-old going to time out, and when I tried to come back and 
> explain
> that I hadn't made fun of her, she said that she didn't want an apology
> from me. Please pray, as I don't know what I've done to deserve such
> treatment. I can't live with her after this. I don't know what to do
> anymore. I prayed last night, that God would soften her stone cold heart. 
> I
> just can't deal with her any more. I've prayed, I've talked to family
> members, but now I'm just at the end of my rope. My last nerve snapped 
> last
> night. I've finally hit rock bottom. Pray as you never have before, 
> please,
> and tell Dot to pray. Last night, for the first time in a long time, I
> thought of suicide, although I know it's not the answer. The devil's 
> trying
> to get the best of me, and I'm trying to use the authority Jesus gave us
> Christians against the enemy.
>
>
> I need all the help I can get. After last night, I don't know if I
> want to live here.
> She scares me. I'm just scared that if I continue to live in this torment,
> that she'll end upp hitting me, as I stated earlier. Do forgive me, 
> please,
> but I'm just nervous.
>
>
>
> -- 
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