Hi.

My computer has been down for a few days so I am just getting the threads 
from January 11 now.  This is a perfect example of people being abrupt and 
thin-skinned.

Many times, it is not what is said but the way it is said, and the 
differences can be very subtle.  For example, people will receive a message 
differently, if it opens with a greeting, rather than if it opens with a 
statement of dissent.  On the other hand, the initial message didn't look 
like it was intended to be a personal attack, but was apparently received 
that way.

Regardless of all that, because of the way that each party responded to the 
other in the dispute, it became quickly distasteful, and something that the 
restof us didn't need to read and have cluttering up our In-boxes.  And, 
before you start, don't you dare lecture me about the DELete key, because 
I've practically worn mine out on stuff like this.

I took two things from this exchange in the way of lessons on personal 
communication.  They are this:

1.  Regardless of how annoyed you might be with someone's post, when you 
get to the point where you are no longer civil to people.  If you must 
criticize about something, criticize actions, not people.

2.  Second, if someone crticizes an action, rather than a person, don't 
take it as a personal attack, but remember that someone is in disagreement 
about that particular matter, that they might be trying to point out 
something, and that in any case, you are free to disagree.

Where I thought this exchange went over the line is when people started 
attacking the other person.  I am a list owner of one list, and as a list 
owner, personal attacks are one thing I will not tolerate.  That will get 
the offending party or parties on moderated status as soon as I detect it.

This list seems to run with a freer hand than that, and I'm not criticizing 
the policies of the list in anyway, but I am asking the people who are 
tempted to engage in verbal assaults to step back and treat the person the 
way they would want to be treated, even if you privately can't stand their 
guts.  And, by the way, there are people that I have filtered because of 
obnoxious responses, and it is not necessary for me to inform them that 
they've been filtered, because that is just another way to inflame someone.

But, if you feel you must engage in a verbal sparring match, kindly do it 
directly so the rest of us don't have to read or delete it.  That just 
conserves disk space on the part of all of the mail servers that are 
involved, it conserves time for those of us to which it doesn't pertain, 
and it doesn't publicly humiliate the people involved.

I'm sorry that I felt it necessary to comment on this, because I find even 
that to be distasteful.

I participate in these lists to be informed and to unwind, not to have my 
stress levels elevated.  If I see a lot of this kind of stuff, I'll 
unsubscribe.  It's as simple as that.  And, no, I'm not under any illusion 
that anyone will miss me, but at the same time, I don't think that most 
people on this list set out to drive other people off the list.

Maybe, when you are tempted to fire off a nasty one, you could just type it 
up, throw it into your Drafts folder for a few hours, come back and read it 
and see if on reflection you still want to send it.  Just a suggestion.

73 to all, de Lou K2LKK



Louis Kim Kline
A.R.S. K2LKK
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Work Telephone:  (585) 697-5753