Phil,
Do you have a direct path into my mind?  Circumstances are different of 
course, but I believe the Lord told you to post these two articles for me. 
Thank you so much for sharing them with us.
Virgie and Hoshi
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Phil Scovell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, February 01, 2007 5:18 PM
Subject: The Road's End


> Here is another testimony I wrote over 25 years ago.  It speaks for 
> itself.
> I hope it encourages someone today.
>
> THE ROAD'S END
>
>
>                               By
>
>
>                          Phil Scovell
>
>
>
>     I walked the road alone for what seemed to be miles, or was
> it years, perhaps a life time?  Never did I leave the security of
> the hardened surface beneath my feet.  I followed every curve,
> topped every hill, and penetrated every darkened valley without
> hesitation.  The bright green fields on either side of the road
> were lush and aromatic; their scent motivating .  The road,
> however, was lifeless empty, and uninhabited.  I, too, was alone
> but I was never afraid because the road provided direction -
> somewhere to go.  As long as I was on the road, I was safe.
>
>     Suddenly, and unexpectedly, the road ended.  I found myself
> standing in an open field.  I felt conspicuous and looked
> curiously about.  "Where was the road?"  I moved forward; taking a
> few cautious steps.  "No, not there. Maybe over here?"  I looked.
> No.  Somehow I felt strangely.  The air turned chill.  "Turn
> back!"  my heart shouted.  "There's safety on the road."  I obeyed
> my conscience and whirled.  As I did, an arctic fear seized my
> heart.  As far as the eye could see, there was nothing but a sea
> of dark green grass.  No flowers, no trees, no life of any kind;
> no road.  It had vanished completely.  The road, my road, was
> gone.  I felt hopelessly alone.
>
>     Depression has become a common topic of discussion for both
> author and radio talk show host.  The most popular programs in
> recent years are those employing psychologists who encourage
> listeners to call in with their personal problems.  Depression
> always tops the list.  It has even invaded the Christian community
> with such force and effectiveness that many pastors have found it
> necessary to obtain additional training just to handle the
> numerous cases of depression faced by their own church members.
> As surely as a baby is conceived in a mother's womb, depression
> will be born to every person facing the issues of life as an
> adult.  For the Christian, it is a spiritual cancer which
> necessitates a continuous cure since depression is never
> eliminated; changing shape and identity unpredictively.
>
>     My depression became visible in the most common of ways:
> Upset stomach, erratic sleeping habits, ferocious apatite, and
> headaches so severe that relief occasionally only came from
> vomiting.  Fear, Doubt, anger, and even hatred all revealed
> themselves in physical ways.  I had been rejected.  I had seen the
> affects of rejection in the lives of other people but I never
> really expected it to happen to me.  After all, I was a
> Christian!  I was on the road!  I knew where I was going!  When it
> came, I lost what I thought was my most precious possession; I
> lost my ministry and my relationship with God.  "Could God ever
> use me again?"
>
>     At the age of eleven I was pronounced totally blind.  Six
> months, and a dozen operations later, I was left with no
> alternative; I had to face life without sight.  "Could I do it?"
>
>     After attending a school for the blind, Bible college,
> marriage, and three years of secular employment, I went full time
> into the ministry as a traveling evangelist and guest speaker.  I
> overcame transportation problems successfully, I adjusted to new
> surroundings, new people, and new places every week.  Everywhere I
> went I experienced new accommodations in private homes and motels.
> Financial pressure became a way of life.  I even sold personal
> belongings whenever necessary just to pay the rent.  I became
> addicted to God and the ministry.  My joy was full and my zeal for
> the Lord was so captivating that I almost forgot my blindness
> until 1979.
>
>     One day, while traveling, I was offered the possession of
> assistant pastor in a small town.  Not only would this opportunity
> give me the privilege of serving in a local church ministry, but I
> also was given liberty to continue traveling as I desired.  In a
> few short months I fell in love with the ministry of a local
> church.  No more airports, no more strange beds to sleep in each
> week, no new names to try and recall, and no new places to try and
> learn my way around.  As the months passed, I became more and more
> engaged in the ministry of the church and more and more convinced
> of God's true calling upon my life.
>
>     One day the pastor called me into his office and told me that
> God was calling him to leave his church.  He and I agreed the
> church would no doubt call me as their next pastor.  The joy in my
> heart was almost more than I could bear.  One month earlier I had
> been ordained by the church and began calling churches looking for
> a pastor.  My greatest dream was coming true.  What more could a
> man ask?  I was in love with small town life; a wonderful place
> for the raising of my children.  I was in love with the people,
> the church, and with God.  Now I was going to have the privilege
> of fulfilling my heart's desire by pastoring one of God's precious
> flocks.  Though I was totally blind, I had finally achieved God's
> perfect will.
>
>     In less than four months I found myself forced to sell my new
> home and return to a city in which I had hoped I would never again
> have to live.  I had been turned down, eliminated, rejected.  They
> did not feel that someone blind was capable of being their pastor.
> The results of spiritual paralysis, however, would not reveal
> itself for several months.  I began to be turn down time and time
> again by churches uninterested on having a blind pastor.  Finally,
> my will to go on was broken.  My spirit was wounded.  The church,
> the ministry, the Bible, and even God Himself became as cold as
> ice.  After three years of spiritual failure, financial loss, and
> rejection from church and friends, I realized my road had come to
> an end.  Hope is a poor substitute for faith and I had neither.
> Rejection became characterized by loneliness.  Those who had once
> encouraged me in the ministry now said perhaps I was out of the
> will of God and even suggested I had failed.  "It's obvious," they
> said, "because God isn't using you any more."  It was even
> suggested that if I had not married a wife who was also blind,
> perhaps things would be different.  Although I had given up, my
> body and mind had not.  They both continued to punish me
> physically and emotionally for being a failure; not only as a
> preacher but as a Christian.  All of the preaching and teaching I
> had done now provided no comfort.  Out of desperation I did the
> only thing left; I learned to pray.
>
>     During the summer of 1982, I set my heart to learn how to
> pray.  I focused my thoughts on God and His Word every waking
> moment of my day.  I even fell asleep at night and woke in the
> morning meditating on God's Word.  I explored His Word and
> discovered many new prayer forms which allowed me to commune with
> God continually.  Nothing happened at first.  Eventually,
> however, I began to notice something different.  I was becoming
> aware of God's presence.  Additionally, financial needs began to
> be satisfied.  This, however, becomes the most dangerous area of
> concern for most Christians.  When we begin to seek God out of
> desperation, eventually circumstances begin to shift favorably.
> Stress is reduced, pressure is released, and often we loose our
> vision for spiritual truth.  In the absence of such pressure, we
> often reduce our desire to pursue God.  When this occurs, we are
> thus robbed of spiritual maturity so desperately needed when
> facing true depression.  I, however, was not satisfied with just
> having my financial needs met, I wanted God!  After two months of
> saturating my life with the prayers of my heart, God entered my
> prayers with His eternal presence and Holiness.
>
>     In the many years which have followed, my awareness of God
> has increased and I have perpetually reached new levels of
> spiritual intimacy never dreamed possible.  I always thought such
> intimacy with God was reserved for those who offer God talent and
> ability.  I thought achievers were those who received the greatest
> blessings from God.  Now, however, I know it is those who learn to
> worship God that experience the deepest stages of spiritual
> intimacy.  If I would have learned how to worship God those many
> years ago as I mentally stood in the open field of defeat at my
> road's end, perhaps depression would not have had such an dramatic
> effect upon my life.  You see, if at my road's end, I would have
> simply looked up, I would have seen God.  For the Christian, a
> road to follow is not as important or necessary as the leadership
> of the Holy Spirit who always directs us in the love of God.
> Then, and only then, is it possible to hear the voice of God,
> "This is the way, walk ye in it" (Isaiah 30:21).
>
>
>                 ==============================
>
>
>