Mari,
You have my continued prayers.
Stand on that signature line! - Jesus Himself!
He will fill you again with joy and peace in believing!
--
Carol - Reading, UK
To you, o Lord, I lift up my soul;
In You I trust, o my God. . . .." PS25:1-2 NIV.
----- Original Message -----
From: "MariJean" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2007 1:46 PM
Subject: my prayer session
> On Saturday night, Jesus took me back to my rage, which, by the way gave
> birth to one of my helpers when I was yet a child. I carried this rage
> for at least 50 years. It was so familiar that I integrated it into part,
> (the largest portion) of my personal identity.
>
> I had to go back and feel it again, the murderous, destructive, powerful
> rage, mostly directed against my brother who was the 2nd of my sexual
> perpetators from the time I was 12 until I was 16 years old.
>
> But, it was not just the molestations, but it was the fact that, along
> with taking my body whenever he desired it, it was also the fact that he
> drew it and sharred these drawnings with his school mates. I only knew
> this when I overheard a conversation between my brother and his best
> friend as they talked and laughed about the drawings.
>
> My brother was a gifted young artist, and, his renderings of my nude body
> and, of course, my sexual organs must have been pretty good.
>
> As I returned to the place where this rage, both against my father and my
> brother, a wave of nausea swept over me and, I wasn't sure if I would cry,
> or vomit. It turned out that I was suffering from abreaction, which Phil
> had seen many times before.
>
> In the long and the short of it, I ended up giving up the murderous rage
> and, later only discovered that I also carried guilt because, as a
> twelve-year-old girl, growing into a woman, not only did my body enjoy the
> first few encounters, I had given him permission for these first
> encounters. Later, when the enjoyment wore off, he had to use threats and
> intimidation to continue this sickening behavior.
>
> Now, to where I am now. This rage formed a goodly part of my own personal
> identity and, when I gave it to THE LORD, now, I feel as if I have lost a
> huge chunk of myself and I feel empty and sorrowful.
>
> Jesus showed me how he viewed me, though I still believed myself to be a
> twenty-cent whore.
>
> There is also the further complication of the aniversary of my parents
> death which is on the twenty-fifth of this month.
>
> Please, my loving family, please pray for me. I feel in deep grief at
> present. I know that THE LORD JESUS THE CHRIST is with me because he
> promised this, but pray, pray, pray for me during this deep grief. I know
> that I will be a much happier person, free of the weight of the guilt and
> the rage when all is said and done, but I need your support.
>
> I am sorry if this subject has offended some, but writing at least some of
> it is very, very important. I need to shed light on this all-too-long
> darkened and self-destructive part of my life and my personage.
>
> Thank you for reading this.
>
> LOVE IN CHRIST THE RADIANT AND GLORIOUS KING,
>
> Mari
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