John,

That's Hillarious!  Having had dogs before, you never know what they'll do 
next, LOL.



JulieMelton
visit me at
www.heart-and-music.com
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http://feed.feedburner.com/hmradio
Keep smiling!





>From: John Schwery <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Electronic Church <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Fwd: Jasper
>Date: Mon, 22 Jan 2007 15:03:22 -0500
>
>I know Thanksgiving is past but this is still good.  Get out the tissues to 
>wipe your eyes, not from crying but from laughing.
>
>Text of forwarded message follows:
>
>>JASPER.......
>>
>>We have a Fox Terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer 
>>of 2001 from the Fox Terrier rescue program. For those of you who are 
>>unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old 
>>child whom you know nothing about and committing to doing your best to be 
>>a good parent.
>>
>>
>>Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep 
>>on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can 
>>get without actually performing a French kiss on me. Lest you think this 
>>is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you that Perry and I tried 
>>every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate 
>>bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I digress.
>>
>>
>>Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the 
>>project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out 
>>of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family and a lot of friends 
>>that I like more than family most of the time. I was, however, assigned 
>>the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two 
>>Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. (I am still cursing the electrician for 
>>getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in 
>>the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment.)
>>
>>
>>I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wednesday evening to reheat on 
>>Thursday morning. Since the kitchen was freshly painted you can imagine 
>>the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams latex paint 
>>#586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to 
>>rise for 5 hours. After 3 hours, Perry and I decided to go out to eat, 
>>returning in about an hour.
>>
>>
>>An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was 8:30 pm. When 
>>I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole 
>>pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper, and my worst night-mare 
>>became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me.  He looked like a 
>>combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped 
>>up in fur.  He groaned when he walked, even his cheeks were bloated.
>>
>>
>>I ran to the phone and called our vet's emergency number. After a few 
>>seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, 
>>however, I needed to give him Pepto-Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of 
>>the night. God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto-Bismol any 
>>more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice to say that by the time 
>>we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had 
>>to lift him onto the bed for the night.
>>
>>
>>Naively thinking the dog would be all better by morning was very stupid on 
>>my part. We arose at 7:30, and as we always do first thing we put the dog 
>>out to relieve himself. Well, the darn dog was as drunk as a sailor on his 
>>first leave. He as running into walls, falling flat. Most of the time when 
>>he was walking, his front half was going one direction and the other half 
>>was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction. 
>>He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same 
>>time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop 
>>himself and nearly ended up running into the fence. His pupils were 
>>dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon.
>>
>>
>>I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 
>>12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly 
>>and that he was indeed drunk. He assured me that, not unlike most binges 
>>we humans go through, it would wear off after few hours and to keep giving 
>>him Pepto-Bismol.
>>
>>
>>Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and 
>>took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of 
>>the day. My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch (a 10 to 15 minute 
>>drive). The rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and the drunk 
>>dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry 
>>and I, we took off.
>>
>>
>>Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when 
>>I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL 
>>BURP! These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat 
>>any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst 
>>of it. Now he was beginning to fart... and they smelled like baked rolls. 
>>May I be stuck dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the 
>>entire trip to Karee's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she 
>>did.
>>
>>
>>Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, 
>>we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The 
>>dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips 
>>to the garage to witness my drunk dog, each returning with a tale of 
>>Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of 
>>course, as the old adage goes, "what goes in must come out" and Jasper was 
>>no exception. Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked 
>>yeast rolls, I might as well have swallowed concrete.  But, alas a dog's 
>>digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this 
>>was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karee's house.  Having 
>>discovered his "packages" on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car 
>>so we could hose down the floor. This was another naive decision on our 
>>part.
>>
>>
>>The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and it 
>>withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning 
>>to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I 
>>(obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my 
>>hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. 
>>And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state 
>>had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor 
>>that had to be brushed too!
>>
>>
>>Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and 
>>dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at 
>>Perry's sister's house.  I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) 
>>the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament.  He has had a bath 
>>and is no longer tri-color.  None the worse for wear I presume.
>>
>>
>>I am also happy to report that just this evening I found two risen unbaked 
>>yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.  It appears he must have come to 
>>his senses after eating 10 of them, decided hiding two of them for later 
>>would not be a bad idea.  Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to 
>>"How to clean unbaked dough from carpeting."
>>
>>
>>And how was your Thanksgiving?
>>
>>No virus found in this incoming message.
>>Checked by AVG Free Edition.
>>Version: 7.5.432 / Virus Database: 268.17.4/644 - Release Date: 1/22/2007 
>>7:30 AM
>End of forwarded message text:
>
>John
>
>
>--
>No virus found in this outgoing message.
>Checked by AVG Free Edition.
>Version: 7.5.432 / Virus Database: 268.17.4/644 - Release Date: 1/22/2007 
>7:30 AM