Hi Kathy, 
This is great news.  I am praying that Chris continues doing well.  
Merry Christmasto you and everyone on the list.  
Virgie and Hoshi  
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Kathy Du Bois" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, December 24, 2006 2:04 PM
Subject: Re: Chris may be moving home temporarily


> Brad,
> So far, just to let you know, it has been okay.  He went out with his 
> friends last night, which is fine.  I just reminded him that, if he 
> was partying, please stay there.  We woke up in the middle of the 
> night and Greg went down to his room and he was home, sleeping.  He 
> has been trying hard to get along with us.  I appreciate his 
> effort.  I'm still tense, and on guard.  Greg is as well, but so far, 
> it has been much better than I feared.
> Kathy
> 
> 
> At 09:38 PM 12/23/2006, you wrote:
>>Kathy,
>>
>>I have to admit, I was a little concerned given the temper Chris 
>>displayed a while back. It sure is hard not to give 'em another 
>>chance. Some time ago, my son, who looking back, may well have been 
>>on something, sat at our counter and we were drilling him quite hard 
>>on that fact and he swearing he wasn't. My wife offered, in so many 
>>words, a drug test in which he said "Sure I don't care it's your 
>>money but I know how it will come out and I'm not on anything". On 
>>and on we went and to a point he was in tears, my wife was upset at 
>>both him and me. I was standing by watching the show go on and felt 
>>a strong sense to just trust him, whether or not he is telling the 
>>truth right now, I needed to give him the trust. If we never ever 
>>give the trust to be trampled, it can never be re-earned. And so I 
>>stood my ground and said, enough is enough, no more fighting, we 
>>need to trust what he is saying is the truth, and made it known to 
>>him that whether or not he was or wasn't  on anything at this point 
>>wasn't the case, and what we thought about it was not the case right 
>>now, right now we are talking trust and honor among blood relatives 
>>and if he wants to abuse that, that is his choice.  I have always 
>>stressed that honor and trust is the most valuable among family and 
>>friends too but particularly family, and if you don't have that, 
>>there isn't much to share but pleasantries and a facade of a 
>>relationship. Was he on something? Could well have been cause he had 
>>a drunk driving arrest after that time and admitted to toking the 
>>wacky ta-backie quite often. Thing is you can't smell it on him. I 
>>know he was smoking too around that time and I'll be danged if we 
>>could ever smell it on him. takes after his gramma I guess, she 
>>smokes cigarettes and you can't smell it on her anywhere. Anyway, 
>>the point being it is difficult to give out the chances to trample 
>>the trust without feeling stupid or unwise, and yet just like love, 
>>you can't enjoy it if it isn't out there to be trampled if one 
>>chooses to do that to you. Enough trampling and one pulls the head 
>>in the shell for a little reprieve, but sooner or later, the trust 
>>issue will come out and once again is laid on the chopping block. 
>>Each time it is chopped at, we feel a bit foolish, stupid, like 
>>we've been had again, and yet  we can't not offer it again 
>>eventually. It is easier with so called friends, we can choose to 
>>lose them, but family is much harder to ever do that. However, in 
>>all the trusting, that does not equate to being  unwise  by offering 
>>a blank check handed out without consideration. Because just as it 
>>is right to offer it, it is also right to be good stewards of those 
>>who may hold it. If one knows it will be abused today, just as it 
>>was yesterday, then wisdom takes play until some tangible results 
>>are shown to prove the earning of it again. Anyway, I hope those 
>>tears Chris shed were not a crock, or crocodile tears as you said, 
>>but genuine appreciation for his parents  and that he continues to 
>>move on with a place of his own and does not put you and Greg in a 
>>position of having to boot him out again.
>>
>>Brad
>>
>>
>>Brad
>>
>>
>>on 07:12 AM 12/23/2006, Kathy Du Bois said:
>>
>>Thanks Vinny,
>>He did come home Thursday evening.  Yesterday, he spent about six 
>>hours looking for another place to flop, but ended up here again 
>>last night.  I suppose that he's not real crazy about some of the 
>>rules, the extreme restrictions that we've placed on the computer, 
>>we won't let him drive the car, for now anyway, until he can insure 
>>himself, he has to smoke outside and we've told him that he can't 
>>have any of his current friends over, but he is accepting this, so 
>>far, with understanding.  We've told him that he can stay here while 
>>he looks for a full time job and then think about providing his own 
>>roof over his head.  He is talking as though he is truly 
>>appreciative, but it is definitely not a permanent   solution.  I"m 
>>sure that he is anxious to be out on his own again, and we are 
>>anxious that he not get too comfortable.  Also, if he goes out 
>>partying, we are planning on telling him not to bother coming home, 
>>but to sleep it off where he is.  This evening, we are going 
>>caroling with some friends and he wants to come along.  I have no 
>>clue if he will be in church tomorrow.  He may come to the evening 
>>service.  It's my favorite service of the year with tons of singing 
>>and candles.  It's just cozy.
>>
>>Last night, while Greg was bringing him home in the car, He said 
>>that he wished that we would trust him and Greg told him flat out 
>>that we don't trust him and that he has done a lot of damage to our 
>>relationship with him.  Last night, for the first time, that finally 
>>seemed to sink in.  He was in tears last night when he thanked us 
>>for taking him back in.  Whether those were crocodile tears or 
>>genuine, only God knows.  We don't trust him and we are staying very 
>>cautious and alert, but we love him and we want to see him succeed, 
>>so we continue to proceed with God's wisdom and pray for the best.
>>
>>thanks for praying Vinny.  I'm a little scared, but I am trying hard 
>>to claim God's peace in the situation and also to remember that this 
>>is my home and I am the authority, under Greg, of course.
>>Kathy
>>
>>
>>
>>At 09:58 PM 12/22/2006, you wrote:
>>Oh Kathy,
>>I'm praying.
>>Vinny
>>----- Original Message ----- From: "Kathy Du Bois" <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>>Sent: Thursday, December 21, 2006 12:51 PM
>>Subject: Chris may be moving home temporarily
>>
>>
>>Yep, you heard right.  Chris may be moving home for a few weeks, or 
>>days, depending on how it goes.  He is in the process of talking to 
>>different art institutes, looking for the right one for him.  I've 
>>been honest with him that I am nervous about this possibility and I 
>>think that he is too.  If things went his way, he would begin 
>>college January 8, but he just doesn't realize the amount of paper 
>>work and everything else involved.  We choose  to just let him find 
>>out on his own rather than say anything that might sound like a 
>>discouraging word.  At least he is motivated to take a fresh step 
>>and that is a good thing.  I don't know when this will happen.  I 
>>know that he will be staying here at least Saturday and Sunday 
>>nights, but he might need a place already tonight, so we'll 
>>see.  Nothing like adding stress to a laid back Christmas 
>>season.  Truthfully, I don't think that he really wants to come home 
>>either, so that should help in the moving him out department.  At 
>>least I pray so.
>>Kathy