lord dave!  I can't even get past the first sentence!  LOL!
Jenifer gilley 
check out my blog
http://claudastar.blogspot.com/
AIM: jenibear1998
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----- Original Message ----- 
From: "David Stahl" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, December 07, 2006 2:31 PM
Subject: 'twas the night before Christmas


> 'Twas the Night Before Christmas
> 
> - Written by the Government.
> 
> 'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the
> annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout the place of
> residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the
> possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic
> rodent known as Mus musculus (mouse).  Hosiery was
> meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood
> burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure
> regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric
> philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the
> honorific title of St. Nicholas.
> 
> The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their
> respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing
> subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated
> fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums.
> My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head
> coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the
> hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion
> of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of
> dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my
> place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise
> source thereof.
> 
> Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers
> sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar
> brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent
> crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar
> meridian itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical
> sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered
> conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of the genus
> Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient
> and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he was
> indeed our anticipated caller.  With his ungulate motive power
> traveling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous
> velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly,
> expelled breath musically through contracted labia,
> and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective
> cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them
> to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which
> structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of each
> of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
> 
> As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was
> performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant
> achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward leap - entry
> by way of the smoke passage.  He was clad entirely in animal
> pelts soiled by the ebony residue from oxidations of
> carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls
> thereof.  His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely
> to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in
> a commodious cloth receptacle.
> 
> His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his
> submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of
> engaging amiability.  The capillaries of his malar regions
> and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which
> suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the
> coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus
> avium, or sweet cherry.  His amusing sub - and supralabials
> resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their
> ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular
> and columnar crystals of frozen water.
> 
> Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece
> whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput,
> were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly.
> His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed
> audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in
> the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical
> container.  He was, in short, neither more nor less than an
> obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of
> whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort to
> refrain from so being.  By rapidly lowering and then elevating
> one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side,
> he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.
> 
> Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
> aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the
> aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from his
> aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle.
> Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face,
> placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his
> olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of
> leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating
> (in reverse) the smoke passage.  He then propelled himself in a
> short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion
> of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered
> quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a
> movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing
> portions of a common weed.  But I overheard his parting
> exclamation, audible immediately prior to his vehiculation
> beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary
> constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my sincerest
> wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable
> period between sunset and dawn."
>