Meir,
I'm not much of a theologian, and definitely not a Torah scholar, but
IMHO, G-d allows some of the challenges we face as a "test of our
mettle." I don't think he (for lack of a better inclusive pronoun)
causes them, but when they happen, we are faced with choices about how
to deal with them. Some may do better than others, and I think he's
pleased with those who do well.
The "great souls" theory is a bit much for me, although there are
lessons we and our families and those we meet can take from the
obstacles presented by disability and other challenges. I refuse to
believe that my soul (or yours, for that matter) is any greater than
my brother's or my sister's - and I use those filial terms in the
broadest sense possible.
As far as "special" children being given to "special" families, this
is a stretch for me as well. Working in the disabilities field for
over twenty years, I've seen families that deal well with disability
issues and families that don't deal well with it. The hope that I
have for children and families (and again, I mean this in the broadest
sense possible) that are touched by disability is that they find a way
to grow together to meet it to the best of their abilities.
As far as the things Chana Weisberg suggests as helpful, I'm afraid I
don't have the background in Hebrew to know what most of them are, but
I think they all boil down to "doing good in the world." I would add
to those by encouraging parents of children with disabilities (and
people with disabilities themselves) to allow your child, our
yourself, to live as full a life as possible. In closing, one of the
best things I've ever read on dealing with disability was written by a
well respected former member of this list, who is no longer with us.
Bobby, we still miss your wise counsel.
http://www.tell-us-your-story.com/_disc98b/00000005.htm
On 7/22/07, Meir Weiss <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> http://www.chabad.org/library/article.asp?AID=541123
>
>
> Printed from Chabad.org
>
> Are we to blame for our son's brain dysfunction?
>
> Question:
>
> My son was diagnosed with a form of brain dysfunction. Please let me know if his parents or grandparents did something to deserve this punishment. Should we blame ourselves for his illness? Also, how can we help him?
>
> Answer:
>
> I am sorry about your son's diagnosis. It can be a difficult time for parents to reach an acceptance of why things happened this way. Often, they will incorrectly blame themselves or fault themselves for a child's sickness.
>
> We do not know why G‑d runs His world as He does. We do not understand why there is suffering, sickness, poverty, hunger or the many seemingly unfair challenges and tribulations in our world.
>
> We are told that sometimes very great souls need to descend to this world. These souls are so lofty that the physical realm cannot contain them, so they come into a body that "shatters" from its impact. Your son's brain might be somewhat dysfunctional because of the great holy soul that is enclothed within it. Many parents of special needs children vouch for this, explaining how despite the child's many needs, these children have a certain purity to them, or a certain power to them, in helping others to accept them because of who they are, not what they can give to this world, or to their families. Such children teach us the power of real love--a love that is not based on any preconditions.
>
> As far as your question if you did anything to "deserve" this: Special children are most often given to very special families, who can see beyond their external dysfunction to the beauty of their soul. No, I do not think you should blame yourself for your son's sickness.
>
> As far as what you can do to help him--as with any area of our physical world, its source is in the spiritual worlds. You can obviously help this child by doing mitzvot in his merit. You can choose any mitzvah that you like--extra charity, extra prayers, helping someone in need, mezuzah, kashrut, etc.--and keep it in his merit. You will thus be strengthening him spiritually and hopefully physically too.
>
> While G‑d listens to all prayers, the supplications of a tzaddik, a righteous individual, are especially potent. I would advise you to write a note to be placed on the Rebbe's gravesite, asking him to pray on your child's behalf. Click here <http://www.chabad.org/article.asp?AID=36248> to find instructions on how to do so.
>
> Wishing you success and blessings,
>
> Chana Weisberg for Chabad.org
>
>
>
>
>
> <http://www.chabad.org/images/new/feedbackTL.gif> <http://www.chabad.org/images/new/feedbackTR.gif>
> Chana Weisberg is a noted educator and columnist and lectures worldwide on issues relating to women, faith, relationships and the Jewish soul.
>
> All names of persons and locations or other identifying features referenced in these questions have been omitted or changed to preserve the anonymity of the questioners.
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--
Kendall
An unreasonable man (but my wife says that's redundant!)
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one
persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all
progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-George Bernard Shaw 1856-1950
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