This is pretty good so I thought you'd all like to share it.  (Sorry if some 
are already on this list.)

--
Carol
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----- Original Message ----- 
From: "The Good, Clean Funnies List" <[log in to unmask]>
To: "Carol Pearson" <[log in to unmask]>
Cc: "The Good, Clean Funnies List" <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, September 19, 2006 9:00 AM
Subject: [GCFL.net] If Noah Had to Build the Ark in 2006


> If Noah had to build the ark in 2006, his story may have
> gone something like this:
>
> And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am
> going to make it rain, and the rain shall not stop until it
> submerges the entire earth and all living flesh is
> destroyed. Because of this, I want you to save the righteous
> people and two of every living species on earth. Therefore,
> I am commanding you to build an Ark."
>
> In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications
> for an Ark. Daunted by this task, but respectful of God's
> wishes, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
> "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete and fill the
> Ark in one year's time."
>
> Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the
> earth and all the seas of the earth went into turmoil. The
> Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping.
>
> "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"
>
> "Lord, please forgive me, " cried Noah. "I did my best, but
> there were big problems.
>
> "First I had to get a permit for construction, and your
> plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an
> engineering firm and redraw the plans.
>
> "Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the
> Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation
> devices.
>
> "Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning
> ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to
> get a variance from the city planning commission.
>
> "Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark because
> there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl.
> I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I really
> needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and
> Wildlife Service won't let me take the two owls.
>
> "The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to
> negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations
> Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now I
> have 16 carpenters on the Ark but still no owls.
>
> "When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal
> rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of
> each kind aboard. This suit is pending.
>
> "Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete
> the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on
> your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the
> idea.
>
> "Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the
> proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe.
>
> "Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed by the
> Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing
> discrimination by not taking atheists aboard.
>
> "The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building
> the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying
> the state some kind of user tax that I owe them and that I
> failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft.'
>
> "And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction
> against further construction of the Ark, saying that since
> God is flooding the Earth, it's a religious event, and
> therefore unconstitutional.
>
> "I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five
> or six years."
>
> Noah waited.
>
> The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas
> began to calm. A rainbow arced across the sky.
>
> Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not going to
> destroy the earth, Lord?"
>
> "No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government
> already has."
>
> Received from SISTER MARY JOSEPH.
>
> --
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