I think this one is a keeper.

Text of forwarded message follows:

>WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, 
>DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN, GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
>
>My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has 
>been completed.
>
>Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, 
>our mission in Iraq is complete.
>
>This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American 
>forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is 
>now to begin the reckoning.
>
>Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of 
>countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. 
>This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, 
>and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
>
>The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the 
>world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be 
>distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
>
>Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to 
>those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The 
>money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the 
>costs of the Iraqi war.
>
>The American people are no longer going to pour money into third 
>world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
>
>Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
>
>In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this 
>money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at 
>home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us 
>and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends 
>from the face of the earth.
>
>Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
>
>I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with 
>France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We 
>are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
>
>I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the 
>many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two 
>unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be 
>stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty 
>pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid 
>tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, 
>Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in 
>the world. I love New York
>
>A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are 
>likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want 
>to try not ticking us off for a change.
>
>Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt 
>government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple 
>extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am 
>going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
>
>Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - 
>starting now.
>
>
>We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling 
>for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs 
>for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this 
>decision , I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move 
>there. They care.
>
>It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own 
>citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by 
>saying, "darn tootin."
>
>
>Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around 
>the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about 
>everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. 
>It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to 
>eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a 
>final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget. To the 
>nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak 
>Arabic. God bless America. Thank you and good night.
>
>If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in 
>English, thank a soldier.
>
>
>
>(If you agree with this suggestion, pass this along.)
>
End of forwarded message text:

John