Southern Grammaw	
	


       Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't
       prepared for the answer.



       In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called 
his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He 
approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

       She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've 
known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big 
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you 
manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think 
you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never 
will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

       The lawyer was stunned!

       Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and 
asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again 
replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
       youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking 
problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law 
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he 
cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your 
wife. Yes, I know
       him."

       The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in 
a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she 
knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."


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