Hi all,

I have a few things I'd like to share primarily for your prayers but would 
welcome any comments on what I share.

First, as a part of the background to what I share later and so you know how 
it is with me now, to those who don't know, I've been battling with a real 
bad sleep problem for years and years but primarily in the last year.  My 
sleep was nothing for so long that I became quite mentally unwell, or that's 
what it would seem, and I went through all sorts of peculiar neuro problems, 
showing themselves in a sort of form of mini stroke and sometimes I would 
clearly be on auto pilot, talking and having coffee and knowing nothing 
about it.  Finally, with increased meds, I became more and more sleepy but 
felt unwell, so we decided I'd come off them all!  I got almost down and had 
a horrific reaction with awful nightmares etc and depression/doom and gloom 
which I've not known before.  My GP is still talking about being off the 
meds in the next month and maybe we'll try Melatonin.  (Medication and I 
just don't seem to mix these days!)

Anyway, amidst all this, I try to keep going and, I have to say that the 
fact that I am still in my home and appear fine a lot of the time to some at 
least of our callers is a testimony of God's goodness to me.  However, I'm 
also battling with additional physical problems, including a very painful 
arm and muscle damage over some months, a pretty wrecked shoulder, a back 
that never goes away and legs now that are taking a lot of the pain from my 
back.  In addition I've been having some arthritis in my wrists and thumbs.

Now your thoughts and prayers:  I've been asked to play the piano at a 
wedding in three weeks' time.  I used to play a lot until 15 years ago and 
have had little opportunity since that time.  (I only have a small 
electronic piano which is fairly hard to play so don't find I even play 
around on it too much.)  Anyway, I have been practising on and off but keep 
ending up with very stiff wrists and pains and yesterday just couldn't play 
through the items.  I am really wondering whether I'm to pull out of this 
one.  I know others who are going who are far better pianists than I am, but 
it's not because I won't play in front of them that I'm thinking I should 
pull out.  I need my wrists and hands for reading, writing etc. and these 
seem more important to me right now than playing the piano when others could 
do it, even though the bride and groom, for some unknown reason, are very 
keen that I should do it.

My thoughts and feelings are all over the place in this one, sometimes 
thinking I can and should and at others feeling it's just another thing I 
can't do right now.

With three weeks to go, I either have to pull out for good next weekend or 
go ahead.  The current pains and stiffnesss in my wrists and thumbs have 
really knocked me back over the past couple of days to the point where I am 
getting very stressed about it all.

Please stand with me in this, that I will do what He wants and, even more 
important, that I will know just what that is.


--
Carol
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