Phil,
Blindness can come in many forms.  Thanks for sharing this with us.
Virgie and Hoshi
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Phil Scovell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, April 30, 2006 3:01 AM
Subject: Once I Was Blind


> Here is something that happened to me recently.  It is sort of done but I
> likely will make some minor changes before putting it on my website.
>
> Once I Was Blind But Now I See
>
>
> By Phil Scovell
>
>
>
>
>
>     A man had called and scheduled a time of prayer in my office
> for the first time.   When he had made the appointment, I had been
> in the middle of doing something, I forget what just now, and I
> failed, not only to ask for the man's phone number, but I never
> even gave him instructions about where my office was.  I normally
> tell people, especially those coming to my office, about my
> website and if they are on the internet, I recommend some reading
> of the testimonies on my site before they come.  I failed even to
> do that this time.
>
>     Something else I also do when people are coming to my office
> the first time, and I am certain some blind people would strongly
> disagree with this practice, but I inform the person coming to my
> office that I am blind.  Why, you may ask?  Because, I figure it
> is only fair.  I still find people who have never met a blind
> person in their life and I still find people who are uncomfortable
> praying with a blind person.  In fact, I have been told, by more
> than one person, I cannot do what I do because you have to be able
> to see.  Since I have friends who are practicing psychologists who
> are blind, and since I am not even a counselor but just pray with
> people as a pastor, I figure, even as a blind person, I should be
> able to do what the Lord has called me to do, regardless of what
> others think or feel.  I still consider it to be honest to inform
> the person coming to my office that I am blind just in case they
> personally prefer not to come to a blind person for ministry.  I
> failed to do this recently with the man coming to my office for
> the first time.
>
>     A couple of hours before he arrived, I was thinking about all
> of this and praying for him often throughout the day.  What I was
> really doing is praying, that is, exchanging my thoughts with God,
> but I realize some have no idea what I am talking about so that is
> why I said I was thinking about all of this before the man came.
> I thought, "What if he doesn't want a blind person to pray with
> him and he feels so uncomfortable, since I didn't warn him ahead
> of time, that he prefers to leave?"  When this thought crossed my
> mind, I heard myself, inside, laugh.  My answer?  "So what."  For
> the first time in my life, I realized something was different
> inside and I didn't care if I was blind.  Something had
> spiritually changed.  I cannot explain this feeling because,
> frankly, I never knew it existed to tell the truth, so this new
> thought was a big surprise to me.  Yet, I laughed about it and
> that was even more surprising.
>
>     Does this mean, therefore, I was hyper sensitive about being
> blind?  Not that I know of, no.  Does it mean I must have felt
> shame of some type concerning being blind?  No, I know it doesn't
> mean that.  Does it mean, I was sad, mad, angry, upset,
> frustrated, depressed, disappointed, discouraged, annoyed, broken,
> freaked out, miserable, unbalanced, maladjusted, or any other
> negative emotional psycho dynamics you want to identify?  Maybe
> all of the above but I know I rarely ever thought about being
> blind.  So what's the difference now?  Something changed and the
> question in my mind was not mine.  Perhaps I should explain what I
> just said.
>
>     When I say, I exchange my thoughts with God, that means I am
> praying.  When I say, I am exchanging my thoughts for God's, that
> means I am taking ever thought captive and letting the Lord's
> thoughts become mine.  That is called faith.  Well, that's what I
> call it.  Let me identify what I think really was going on.
>
>     I believe the Enemy uses anything, and everything, he can to
> try and keep us from developing a personal relationship with the
> True Lord Jesus Christ.  Blindness, and all of the ramifications
> that go along with it, is just one thing the Enemy can use.  I
> could probably name at least 100 other things he uses but I'll let
> you do the math.  You can start with divorce, sexual abuse,
> homosexuality, pedophilia, gossip, lying, immorality, emotional
> traumatization of any sort, victimization of any sort, grief from
> the loss of a loved one, and there are ten right off the bat.  I
> felt as if I failed God once because the church I pastored folded.
> You don't think the Enemy used that one against me?  It took me
> three years of lost works to recover from that one and another 10
> years before the truth came and set me free.  May I point out, how
> I felt wasn't sin and I had done nothing wrong?  The Enemy even
> uses things that aren't sin to entrap a person.
>
>     By now, I think you already are beginning to think about
> what I am saying and, most likely, beginning to identify other
> areas of your own life which can be used against you for the same
> reasons.  If such is the case, it isn't me, it is the Holy Spirit
> ministering to you because He, the Holy Spirit, wants to bring us
> closer, much closer, to Jesus.  Sometimes we are not able to reach
> a conclusion on our own.  This is where accountability comes in as
> one of the most valuable tools of relationship available to the
> Body of Christ.  Unfortunately, such accountability is rarely
> available in most churches.  I am, though, available, on the other
> hand.
>
>     Let me also expand my feelings about the change which was
> made aware to me by the Holy Spirit.  The next day, when I was
> thinking and meditating on what I had learned, I tried to describe
> the actual emotional feeling I had at that moment of awareness.
> When it came, it almost knocked me over because it was that
> physical in nature.  The feeling I had of "So what," was the
> actual feeling as if I were not blind in the first place.  I know
> that sounds ridiculously weird but it was the identifiable emotion
> at that very moment.  I literally, felt as if I were suddenly not
> blind at all.  What does all this mean?  I have a pretty good idea
> but most people reading this wouldn't believe it even if I
> explained it.  So, instead, let's just let God be God.  He's the
> only one who knows the truth anyhow.
>
>     Now, if you are blind and reading this, your personal
> feelings probably are telling you, "But I've adjusted to my
> blindness."  Me, too.  Sure, I had thoughts over the passed 41
> years of blindness that a lot of things could be much simpler if
> I weren't blind.  If you can show me a blind person who hasn't had
> such thoughts, please put me in touch with them because I would
> like to personally meet them.  At any rate, I had been to the
> rehabilitation organizations and the school for the blind so I had
> been programmed to think unblind just like everyone else who is
> blind.  So, in short, I've been happy throughout the last 40 years
> plus of my life. Even after fifteen eye surgeries.
>
>     My point is, however, being adjusted is not being free.  It
> is somewhat like the sinner.  He may live a Godly life, or attempt
> to, by going to church, reading the bible, praying to the God of
> creation, even worshiping Him, but it does not mean he has ever
> been born again.  In fact, he may live all those good things just
> to attempt to prove to himself that he is God worthy.  It isn't
> his worthiness that counts; it is the worthiness of the True Lord
> Jesus Christ that makes the difference.  If one embraces this,
> according to Scripture, and calls upon the name of the Lord to be
> save, he is set free from works and the destruction of sin.  In my
> testimony I am attempting to explain, the same is true, that is,
> the truth sets us free as born again believers.  In short, the
> person living a Godly life without being born again my feel
> spiritually adjusted but he isn't free of destruction and eternal
> damnation.
>
>     If you are not free and have no one with which to pray, call
> me.
>
> Safe Place Fellowship
> Phil Scovell
> Denver, Colorado USA
> Mountain Time Zone
> 303-507-5175
> 
>
> Has He Ever Crossed Your Mind?
> www.SafePlaceFellowship.com