Angel,
Oh boy, do I remember the headaches. In my case, it was
from crying so much and always feeling under the gun, so to speak,
from Chris's outrageous behavior. You're situation is very hard. At
least I had, and still have, Greg to step behind when it gets
tough. You don't have that, but need to be the front person. My
only advice would be to keep your life as simple and stress free as
possible. You don't need more things in your life to stress you
out. For me, learning to knit was a big blessing. If I couldn't
handle the stress of being yelled at by Chris, I could bury myself in
counting stitches. My mind would completely disengage and take a
vacation from the situation. Then, I would fill the void with
memorized scripture or prayer. That would keep me from reacting to
whatever Chris was doing and help me stay calm. I don't know what
will work for you, but you need to create as much of a peaceful space
as you can so that your whole life isn't taken up with the
craziness. Also, you are right to practice tough love whenever you
can. Your son needs that, even though he is fighting you over
it. You know, he is probably very angry over the situation with his
father. While other fathers are there to relate too and do things
with, unfortunately, your husband cannot be there for you or your
son. If you can, you may want to try to give him an opportunity to
vent over the fact that his Dad has dementia. It just might become
something that will bind the two of you together rather than continue
to push you apart.
You are in a really tough spot, Angel. There's no doubt
about it. Get out of whatever stress you can and let the Lord carry
as much of it as possible. He is willing, believe me. He is willing.
You are in my prayers.
Blessings,
Kathy
At 06:50 AM 1/21/2006, you wrote:
>Thank you so much for your support. I just will have to trust God will turn
>things around for the better ass soon as I would like. I know he will but
>how soon is the question? I get so tired at times. It is hard not to sink
>to his level when arguing. He loves to bate me and watch me go into
>emotional meltdown. This surge of emotions causes me to have horrible
>headaches the day after such an argument. I had to go to work today after
>such an argument yesterday. I told him I was sick and he said he was going
>to clean up the yard. and he would return in half an hour. He was suppose
>to help me take the dog to the vet to have the vet look at her broken leg.
>He left and failed to come home for hours. I was so sick I couldn't even
>look for him. I barely got home from work. I swear if I don't learn to
>control my own emotions concerning our issues I shall give myself a stroke
>or something. I must go to the doctor soon, and I hate them, as these
>headaches may be a sign of high blood pressure. Sometimes I think he just
>doesn't care at all what happens to either of us and that hurts.
>----- Original Message -----
>From: MV <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Thursday, January 19, 2006 4:14 AM
>Subject: Re: A question about how to talk to Chris
>
>
> > Angel,
> >
> > Sorry to hear about your husband's worsening condition, that has got to be
> > terribly difficult. As well your son's behavior. Perhaps those times of
> > being spoken to properly and your positive response to that will show him
> > by experience how much more pleasant things can be. The leverage is been
> > removed or reduced though society and law for a parent to be able to
> > properly discipline or raise kids. So much disrespect is among kids today
> > compared to years ago they grow up not knowing any differently watching
> > their peers get away with it. For most of us, if we spoke a cross word to
> > one of our parents growing up we'd have gotten a "what for" somehow and
> > would have known it was coming the minute we spewed it out of our mouth.
> > From that leverage came the threshold of what you could get away with,
>and
> > ability to build positive relationships. It is very difficult to get that
> > leverage back once it is turned backwards, but with God you don't know how
> > he can turn it around at any time. With dad being unable to perform his
> > role as parent, that unfortunately leaves you with both, at times being
>the
> > strong bold one, and yet being the compassionate and soft spoken one.
> >
> > Brad
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