[log in to unmask] wrote:
>This is a great poem and can be taken in different ways. Thanks for the
>link.
>
>I frequently refuse help when offered and people, including other pwd have ,
>told me how wrong I am and that I should be thankful. I'm polite until help
>is forced on me or just assumed to be in order and then I'm more vocal. I
>feel censored though - like all I'm supposed to say is "why, yes you angel,
>please save me. Bless you." What I'd like to say to some of the more
>offensive people is f*** you.
>
>Sorry to be the crabby one on this list.
>
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>
>
You're not the only one who feels this way, believe me! Humans helping
other humans is part of the social contract we all are part of, but I
object to people who insist on `helping' me when I clearly don't need
help, simply because they assume that having CP makes me incompetent,
and because they want to feel better about themselves - you can tell the
difference, if the people offering help see you as a fellow human being,
they will *ask* first, and listen to the answer, and when you say,
politely "Thanks for the offer, but I'm fine, I can manage", they won't
take offence. And if you say, yes, thanks I could do with some
assistance, they do whatever it is calmly, maturely, and if it actually
involves physical contact with me or my assistive devices they *listen*
to me when I say this is the best/easiest/least painful way of doing
it. And they are happy with a simple "Thanks very much, really
appreciate the assistance, have a great day" or other appropriate
response. Help from those people is a pleasure.
If the people offering have some idea of themselves as `ministering
angel', 'helping the unfortunate cripple', then they just barrel in,
grab, push, whatever without asking - which can be dangerous, and if
they do ask, and you refuse - politely (I stress that - because I'm
always polite the first time, unless I'm physically grabbed without
warning, then I scream bloody murder with *no* apology), they get sooooo
offended - how *dare* I not let them help me, never mind that sometimes
I'm just sitting there sometimes, and there is literally *nothing* they
can help me with, even if I *wanted* to let them help me. (I was
sitting in the mall one day, in my scooter, enjoying the sunshine,
reading a book - guy comes up to me out of nowhere "Can I help you?",
Me, very puzzled thinks help me with what? I'm not *doing* anything, do
you want to turn a page for me?. "Um, no thanks.") We have the same
right of refusal of assistance than any able-bodied person does. And
it's the attitude of the person offering, I'm a human being, not some
mindless cipher for someone else to project their fears and assumptions
onto.
I could go ooooooon, but my hands won't let me! But I also feel
censored a lot of the time, about this sort of thing, and get berated
and attacked (who would have though expecting people to treat you like a
human being would result in such attacks!) by some as well. I will not
coddle able bodied adults, they need to think about how they treat
`Others', and I expect them to behave like the adults they are and
*think* about their attitudes. It's not rocket science.
Rayna - ending rant!
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