Chris, good thoughts.

At 02:18 PM 1/14/04 -0500, you wrote:
>Hellin
>
>
>i sit here now, literally with tears in my eyes reading your post.
>
>
>hellin.... I... i don't...  I don't know what to say...  I'm choken up...
>You know what?  I have never! in my life seen anyone! on this list who has
>taken up for me as you did.  I want to say thank you, however, I don't feel
>that even saying that is adiquit.  Hellin, your mail to Paul, has touched me
>so deeply...  I don't say that outta sarcasm either.  I never knew or would
>of expected that I had a sister in Christ, who loved me so much to take such
>a blunt sance.  I somewhat feel I should be saying all this to you off list,
>however, I feel that God's really leading me to thank you publicly.  i must
>say that by you saying what you did has honestly made my day.  i do not hold
>any anamosity toward Paul, nor anyone on this list.  In some respects, paul
>was correct in what he said, in that, yes, I realize that you all are not
>trained councelors, and thus, cannot do but so much...  However now that I
>know that he origionally had a large part to play of me being banned a while
>back, (I mean he openly admitted it, or so it seemed)  i feel somewhat as
>if, his comments yes, hellin, as you stated were extremely unjustified.
>Granted, I do give him the hand of forgiveness.  not because it's
>necessarily my duty, as much as it is through the grace of God, that I sit
>here typing to you all right this minute.  Do you realize folks, that if it
>were not for that, I long would be dead now?  No!  I kid you not!  That is
>faaaaar! from an exageration.  you see:  When I was in the eighth grade at
>middle school, I was sent to the school for the blind in my state.  BTW:  I
>know some people get offended by the word quote:  blind:  and prefer
>visually impaired:  me being one of them...  So please I ask:  don't think
>that I am calling any of you blind.  That isn't my ententions in the
>greatest of least.  Anyway, back to my point:  I had a bad tempor problem,
>and still do, as many of you all have seen.  I'm openly willing to take the
>blame for that and I'm also willing to responsibly and honestly, yet openly
>publicly admit it.  i'm not perfect.  Heck, none of us are!  Smile.  It was
>because of this tempor, that my mother indicated one day to me during my
>seventh grade year, that if i did not stop with the tempor issues, she was
>gonna have to send me off somewhere, to quote unquote:  keep from beating
>me.  Some of you may or may not have been physically abused as a child.  if
>you wish to confide in me, you can, and it'll remain confidential, however,
>I am not the type for forcing myself down anyone's throat.  That is just so
>ungodly unfair to others.
>
>
>Anyway, so I ended up going.  my parents now will not even admit to confess
>they made that origional comment, even though I know darn well they did.  It
>hurt, even to this day, my dignity so severely, that all through eighth
>grade, I was very suicidal.  i was even hospitalized in a children's psych
>ward for approximately 2 weeks or so...  i didn't really receive the
>sufficient help then I needed, not because they didn't know how to treat me,
>as much as I was so sick, that i was very unwilling to cooperate with
>anyone, and open up.  I mean think about it...  It's like you telling me, I
>have something medically wrong with me, but I'm not gonna admit to you that
>i think I may be internally bleedingt, or himmeraging.  See what I mean?
>OK, what's the point in me saying this when it's irrelavent to hellin's
>post.  Well, yeah, I agree, it has nothing really to do with it.  The reason
>that I am telling you all this now, and didn't in the past, was because I
>couldn't come to term with myself, or it, or even you all, to admit it.
>Yes, Paul's right.  I need far more help than any of you all on here could
>give me, on or, off list, and i'm looking into now, getting some residential
>treatment long term, thanks to some extremely kind and extremely patient
>members on this list who have stayed up literally speaking night after night
>after night all through the night literally from about midnight till 6 A.M.
>You know who I'm refering to, that is, the one who has done this...  I'm not
>gonna quote your name, I promise, so don't worry about that...  what you and
>I discuss is totally confidential, however, you yourself know who you are,
>and to that individual who last night convinced me finally! to get
>treatment, thank you.  I mean from the bottom of my heart when I say this:
>i humbly wish so badly that there were more people in this world like you.
>I obviously don't mean this inappropriately but, you are so precious to
>me...  I really mean it...  If it weren't for you, and the love and grace of
>God, both put together, especially the love of God, I don't know what I'd
>do.  Don't ever lose that shine, don't ever lose your kind heart, and know
>that if no one else on this earth ever said one kind word to you:  I as a
>brother in Christ would still love you from the pit bottomn of my heart.  i
>would like to ask Vickey, if she hasn't already done this, that you please
>take my permission if it's all right with you, and others of corse, to
>please let Paul remain on the list.  and a corse, should he choose.  I
>honestly think what he said was totally out of anger, and frustration.
>There was no excuse in him taking this out on you all, instead of just me,
>however, we cannot dwell on the past.  God forgets past sin.  once forgiven,
>as I have to Paul, it's gone, it's over, it's forgotten and done with.  His
>harsh mail to me now is literally as far as east is from west.  Nor do I
>find it necessary for him to apologize specificly to me by name.  No, I
>certainly don't think he meant completely well with the way he worded
>things, however, I do feel that Satan probably got ahold of him last night,
>and he probably was so angry that he didn't think.  Same as I often do on
>here.  i think we need to be very patient with him, as i think our brother
>may be going through some rough areas.  I don't know this, as he's not
>confided in me, and again, I'm hnot going to force him to...  however, if he
>does, it will not be presented on the list, it would be in strict
>confidence.  I am a very firm believer too, of confidentiality.  Unless a
>person tells me that they're either gonna hurt themselves or someone else, I
>won't say anything.  That would be the only two exceptions.  The point
>firstly is, Hellin, I really appreciate what you said, and I do mean it.
>I'm not excusing Paul's mail by any regard, and I wanna make sure I'm making
>myself very perfectly clear when I say this.  I think the point he was
>trying to make was valid, however, the way he worded it was totally
>unacceptable behavior on or off list.  I have had some time this morhning to
>pray not only for this issue, but even more so, for Paul directly by name.
>I will continue doing so...  And I will also continue praying for each other
>of you all...  We have something beautiful here!  Christ's love.  Let's all
>come together unitedly as one in the body and blood of our precious and dear
>savior jesus Christ, and let's pronounce to clame God King of Kings and Lord
>of lords.  Amen, and Amen!
>
>
>
>Chris.

John

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