"911 calls"
   Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
   Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from
   the brown house on the corner.
   Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
   Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
   Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
   Caller: Someobne broke into my house and took a bite out of
   my ham and cheese sandwich.
   Dispatcher: Excuse me?
   Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the
   kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom,
   someone had taken a bite out of it.
   Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
   Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and
   I'm sick and tired of it!
   Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
   Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't
   have an eleven on it.
   Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
   Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
   Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven
   are the same thing.
   Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
   Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
   Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two
   minutes apart
   Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
   Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
   And the winner is..........
   Dispatcher: 9-1-1
   Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of
   breath. ....I think I'm going to pass out.
   Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
   Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
   Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an
   asthmatic?
   Caller: No
   Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having
   trouble breathing?
   Caller: Running from the Police.