Rhonda,
Amen to that one!
Kathy


At 04:43 PM 1/1/2006, you wrote:
>Thanks, I am  still praying for you and family too!!!! We sure need each
>other don't we?
>Rhonda
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Echurch-USA The Electronic Church
>[mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Kathy Du Bois
>Sent: Sunday, January 01, 2006 4:01 PM
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: when someone you love is depressed!
>
>Oh Rhonda,
>My heart really goes out to you.  I"m glad that some music
>helped.  Maybe your new church family will be able to help in other
>ways, eventually as well.  I just keep praying for you guys.
>Kathy
>
>
>At 03:49 PM 1/1/2006, you wrote:
> >I see your point, it is a major loss.  I think that a lot of it is not
> >feeling useful anymore,  a man puts a lot of his self worth on being a
> >provider, and since Ben doesn't have a job anymore he feels badly about
> >that.  But the Social security disability check comes from money he has put
> >in the system from 20 years of working! I do try and encourage him, and yet
> >allow him some time alone at times.
> >I do so hate it when Christians who mean well say "Give thanks in
> >everything" as if someone should be truly greatful for all he is going
> >through!  Sure God has a plan, and He hasn't left us when we feel
> >discouraged, or depressed, but putting someone under condemnation doesn't
> >help at all!
> >Thanks for your message.  I'm feeling better today, church was  good, music
> >always makes me feel better.
> >Rhonda
> >
> >-----Original Message-----
> >From: Echurch-USA The Electronic Church
> >[mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Kathy Du Bois
> >Sent: Sunday, January 01, 2006 3:43 PM
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: Re: when someone you love is depressed!
> >
> >Rhonda,
> >          This could be discouragement, it could be depression or it
> >could be grief over all he has lost.  You two have gone through so
> >much this past few years.  You've moved more than twice.  Ben has
> >changed jobs and lost the last two in ways that are really hard for a
> >man to take.  then, on top of all that, there are the medical
> >issues.  There is a lot to grieve over here.  You guys are carrying a
> >very heavy load.
> >          I guess that what jumped out at me immediately is the idea
> >that there is grief here.  You know, in our American culture, we do
> >not allow people the time that they need to grieve their loss and
> >readjust.  I'm not saying that you are guilty of this, but in
> >general, it is true.  Someone loses their spouse and often too soon,
> >their friends are trying to get them back into the dating scene.  I
> >think that the older and more eastern cultures had it right when they
> >made a widow dress in black for a year and take the time to really
> >mourn the loss.  If we lose a limb, or grow old, we're just supposed
> >to buck up and deal with it and not think about what we used to be
> >able to do and miss it.  We're just supposed to keep moving.  Often,
> >this expectation is the worst in Christian circles where people
> >misquote 1 Thessalonians 5:18 and tell the sufferer to give thanks
> >for all circumstances instead of "in all circumstances."  There is a
> >big difference, you know.
> >          You have lost a lot too.  It would be really hard on our
> >family if Greg suddenly lost his sight.  It's nice to have someone
> >who can drive a car, especially because I live in an area that does
> >not have affordable, mass transit.  Life would be so much harder than
> >what it already is and I'm sure that it has become much harder for
> >you because you have actually had to face that situation head on.
> >          Also, men like to be providers.  Ben probably feels very
> >inept in that department right now.  Is rehab  a possibility for
> >him?  Is he interested in going back to school for anything?  I do
> >think that it would be good if Ben could focus on the things that he
> >can still do, but he may not listen to you as well as an outsider on
> >this point.  I"m not saying anything against Ben here.  I just know
> >that people often listen to outsiders more seriously than they do
> >their own family members.  Even Jesus recognized that one.
> >          I hope that Brad comes out of lurk mode soon.  He may have
> >some really good suggestions for you since he has experienced
> >something somewhat similar here.  I just know that sitting and
> >stewing and dwelling on himself is probably the worst thing that Ben
> >can do.  Maybe you guys could just start taking walks
> >together.  You'd be surprised at how exercize can really help.
> >Kathy, who is done being a cheer leader now!    I'm really praying
> >for you guys, Rhonda and I pray that life starts turning around for
> >you soon!  Honest!
> >
> >
> >At 05:49 PM 12/31/2005, you wrote:
> > >Maybe it's a little of both,  some days it seems to bother Ben more than
> > >other days that he can't see well enough to drive, or go anywhere  by
> > >himself, or just the two of us.  I feel sad sometimes too,  while I
>gained
> > >back a man I love and am glad to  be with, his sight was also mine...
> > >We've been through a lot these past few years,  bad times, and good,  I
> > >guess this is just an adjustment, a major one at that.
> > >It's just hard to see someone you care about feeling so down,  the thing
> > >they want most, the thing they desire most is to be able to see enough to
> > >drive and work like they did before, and I am powerless to do anything
> >about
> > >that.  While it is true I have always been blind, sometimes I too wish I
> > >weren't.  Guess the major difference is I didn't choose this,  diabetes
>is
> > >such a bad disease, if it is not strictly controlled it can cause soooo
> >much
> > >damage.
> > >Rhonda
> > >
> > >-----Original Message-----
> > >From: Echurch-USA The Electronic Church
> > >[mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Phil Scovell
> > >Sent: Saturday, December 31, 2005 3:01 PM
> > >To: [log in to unmask]
> > >Subject: Re: when someone you love is depressed!
> > >
> > >Rhonda,
> > >
> > >It is best to try and figure out first, if the feelings are really
> > >depression or deep, or strong, discouragement.  Discouragement is
> > >circumstantial and depression is retrospective.  Discouragement can look
> > >like depression so it can be confusing about what to do.
> > >
> > >Phil.