Brad,
         Very well spoken.  You raised your questions so much better 
than I ever could.  I am not one of those people who have ever been 
completely at peace with my blindness, even though I've been blind 
all my life.  Perhaps it's because I have kids and in some ways, I 
become keenly aware of what I am missing and how much I can't do for 
them.  I would have loved to continue home schooling, but it was just 
so difficult and there were things that I just couldn't do.  I'd love 
to be the family chauffeur and I would love to take a lot of the 
running around off Greg's back.  People tell me how amazing I am or 
what a blessing I am, but I wonder if they are amazed at God, or at 
the good training that I received while I was at school.  Yes, I 
suppose I should ber grateful that the Lord made it possible for me 
to receive my training, but I'm not quite sure how my suffering 
really helps other people.
         It's kind of like the conversation that we had hear a while 
back about wishing that we could learn from other's mistakes.  We 
usually either can't or won't so I don't get how my having to 
struggle with being blind, while it deepens my faith, helps someone 
else grow deeper in theirs.  I'm not quite sure that it does.  I 
think that most people think, "glad that that isn't me," or, "I could 
never!"  The whole thing just doesnt' make sense to me.  Yet, I know 
that there are those, even on this list who are really at peace with 
their blindness.  I've accepted my situation, but sometimes I wrestle 
with, do I really even believe that I could be healed?  I say it, and 
in my head, I believe it.  I want to be a good Christian after all, 
but my heart may be a different matter.  Why is it easier to believe 
that God can cure a back ache or a head ache that can't be seen and 
is totally subjective and not my eyes, which would actually require 
physical reconstruction?
Kathy


At 12:48 AM 1/24/2006, you wrote:
>I have to be completely honest, and perhaps I ought hold my comments as to
>not bring any doubt to  anyone thinking otherwise , that is not my intent,
>but rather  expressing my own issue or perhaps lack of understanding of
>this thinking and someone can straighten out a decade long quandary I have.
>. Why then, if there was glory in the "blindness", didn't Jesus say his
>peace to his disciples, explaining the glory of God in that man and his
>blindness, and walk away leaving him blind to be a witness of God's
>glorification to everyone? Because it was after he was healed that
>glorification occurred. I see the same in all of Jesus' healings. Why then
>should he have healed at all? I almost see the glorification in disease or
>sickness as a way of people copping out and not being able to deal with not
>knowing  the answer to the question of "why?", so they choose to assume God
>made it happen or gets glory out of people having to cope with daily
>suffering or handling of challenges as a result of illness. It is noble, it
>is good, it is a wonderful thing that we who have a disease do yet trust
>and glorify God in our lives, and yes, we can even find areas of our life
>we might not otherwise have come to grips with or been sensitive to having
>had a disease, but the same might be true had we not had a disease but we
>may never find that out. I myself would rather continue to wonder "why" and
>seek answers than blame God through a patronage assumption he wills me to
>be sick. Perhaps I did something to earn it, or perhaps if I had sight I
>would use it for something other than obeying his word and I don't know
>that. James says that some do not get what they want for ill use of it.
>That I can handle and I can actually strive towards God's perfection, but I
>still see his will for me to be whole and it is me that perhaps keeps me
>this way? I don't know, nor do I lay a big guilt trip on myself about it,
>but just try to better my "freewill" aiming it towards God's image and
>leading.  I don't let it consume me as before, but I do continue to wonder
>deep inside. I don't ask this for you to feel you need to answer, it is
>something that has baffled me for years. I no longer subscribe to
>everything Kenneth Haggin said as I, well, let's just say I don't and leave
>it at that. However, there are some teaching on healing I find very valid
>and inspired of God in my opinion, and one thing  he said that I can't
>shake off and that is if God's will and glory is in our sickness, then we
>are bucking God's will going to the doctor to try to heal our sicknesses.
>If that is God's will then we ought let be what is, is and that's it. I
>also don't believe God made me blind.  As scripture says he made all those
>who are blind and deaf, it does say that  but that refers to the person,
>not the sickness. Sickness and disease is due to sin centuries ago, as well
>as what is in the world today, and how is children of god being affected by
>disease or illness introduced by others through sin any different than if a
>half crazed emotionally diseased person were to walk in and shoot me dead
>as I type this? I'm affected by disease just the same even though I am a
>child of God. Whether someone generations ago committed sin enough to
>introduce Retinitis Pigmentosa into the roots of our family tree, or if I'm
>subject to a violent crime founded in result of mental
>illness.    Here  again are more questions to ask God  when the opportunity
>presents itself, but as we say, we'll probably not care at that point
>*smile*. Thus ends the babble.
>
>
>Brad
>
>
>
>At 11:39 PM 1/23/2006 -0500, you wrote:
> >God Be Glorified
> >Marybeth Whalen, Author, Proverbs 31 Speaker Team Member
> >
> >Key Verse:
> >
> >Exodus 15:26, "I am the Lord who heals you." (NIV)
> >
> >Devotion:
> >
> >My cousin Missie came over the other day to visit and brought her little
> >girl, one-year-old Meghan. Missie and her husband, John, had originally
> >planned
> >not to have children, but unexpectedly decided to have just one after
> >several years of being married. Our whole family was surprised and delighted
> >for
> >them, and eagerly anticipated the birth of their daughter. After a normal
> >pregnancy and birth, the happy couple began to settle into normal life --
> >but
> >it quickly became clear that all was not normal for Meghan. Month after
> >month she did not grow and would not eat. She started to miss her normal
> >developmental
> >milestones. The doctors referred her to specialists, yet none could
> >determine just what was wrong with her. No matter how many developments
> >medical science
> >makes, there are still many things doctors don't understand about how God
> >designed the human body.
> >
> >Meghan now has a feeding tube and is in lots of therapy to help her make
> >advancements. Her skull is already fused and they cannot say what that will
> >mean
> >about her brain growth in the future. She has been tested for several rare
> >syndromes and Missie is consulting with a team from Duke University Hospital
> >on her care. No one but God can say what lies in Meghan's future, and it
> >breaks the hearts of those who know her and care for her and her parents.
> >But
> >that is just the back-story of my visit with my cousin the other day.
> >
> >During our visit, Missie and I talked a lot about Meghan's care and her
> >future. As the mother of a child who was also born with a rare syndrome that
> >required
> >special care, Missie often talks to me about the different concerns she has.
> >But this conversation was different. Instead of me inspiring and comforting
> >Missie, she was the one who comforted me with her resolve and dependence on
> >God's will for her little girl. She told me that she very rarely allows
> >herself
> >to ask "Why?" But one day, she gave herself permission to have a pity party
> >and ask God, "Why?" "And do you know what I feel like He told me," she
> >asked.
> >"I felt like He was saying to me that I am not supposed to understand what
> >is going on with Meghan. I am just supposed to know that Meghan's life is
> >for
> >God's glory. And when I realized that was His answer, it was enough. If
> >someone else comes to know God because of Meghan then that will make all of
> >this
> >worthwhile."
> >
> >Her words to me reminded me of the Scripture where Jesus' disciples ask Him
> >about the blind man. John 9:1-3 says, "As he went along, he saw a man blind
> >from birth. His disciples asked him, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his
> >parents, that he was born blind?' 'Neither this man nor his parents sinned,'
> >said
> >Jesus, 'but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his
> >life.'"
> >
> >Jesus was quick to assure the disciples that the only answer to that, "Why?"
> >question is, "For God's glory." Missie has accepted that whether Meghan is
> >healed or not, God will be glorified. As people are led to pray when they
> >receive the email updates Missie sends, God is glorified. As doctors glimpse
> >the faith and courage of this young mother, God is glorified. As Meghan
> >makes little improvements as a testimony to His healing power, God is
> >glorified.
> >As her medical bills and needs are miraculously covered so that Missie and
> >John don't have to worry, God is glorified. As Missie's heart is drawn
> >closer
> >to her home and her special little girl, God is glorified. As you read this
> >devotional and are challenged in your faith because of Meghan's story, God
> >is glorified.
> >
> >All day I reflected on the lesson that Missie and her daughter taught me.
> >They are living out a challenge and I was blessed by their example. I
> >thought
> >of the trials I face in my own life. Do I shake my fist towards the heavens
> >and ask, "Why?," or do I look for the ways that the work of God can be
> >displayed
> >in my life, in and through my trials? Do I live out my faith by accepting
> >what God allows to come into my life -- trusting that He has allowed it
> >according
> >to His perfect plan and His glory? I am ashamed to admit that too many
> >times, I have spun my wheels wanting to know "why?" instead of anticipating
> >what
> >God is going to do as a result. The next time I am tempted to do that, I
> >plan to think of Missie and Meghan and spend time in prayer -- thanking God
> >for
> >allowing me a glimpse of His glory, even when I don't understand.
> >
> >My Prayer for Today:
> >
> >Dear Heavenly Father, I ask for Your healing of Meghan and that You would
> >comfort Missie and John at this time. I thank You for the example they have
> >shown
> >me, and ask that You help me to apply this example in my own life. I thank
> >You that You work all things according to Your glory, as Your Word says.
> >Please
> >comfort me during trials and help me to glimpse Your work being displayed
> >through my life. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
> >
> >Application Steps:
> >
> >If you are going through a trial right now, spend today focusing on specific
> >ways that the work of God is being displayed through what you are going
> >through.
> >
> >Consider keeping a journal to record specific examples so that later you
> >will have those to reflect on and share with others.
> >
> >Spend time today praying for those you know who are going through trials.
> >Call them or email them to encourage them.
>
>Brad
>
>    A successful relationship isn't finding the right person; it's being the
>right person