Brad,
You make good points here, but one of chris's problems is that he has
convinced himself that he isn't doing anything wrong unless he either
gets caught or can't get out of the consequences.  when he was in our
home, he was constantly getting away with stuff because we couldn't
stop him.  I couldn't stop him physically and if Greg had tried to
stop him physically, the system would have come down on Chris's
side.  All it takes is a charge of abuse and in today's court system,
the parent is automatically wrong.  Now Chris is thumbing his nose
at, not just us, but the legal system.  Sure, a police man can't tell
just by looking that Chris is driving illegally.  I understand that,
but I know and I have a really hard time just letting someone get
away with something illegal, especially when it seems to feed into
his belief that he's doing nothing wrong.  I don't know what we'll
do.  We haven't even heard from him all week so we don't know what
his plans are.  I wish that he would just let Greg pick him up on the
way home from the post office on Saturday.  That would solve
everything, but Chris has this thing about not wanting to be
dependant on us any more to prove that he can make it in the big
world.  Funny, he's almost totally dependant on Nicki's  family and
we know it, but I guess that that doesn't count.
Kathy


At 03:39 PM 12/19/2005, you wrote:
>Kathy,
>
>Item 1. I'd still not report him. Driving without insurance on a car, if
>you in fact know that is the case isn't good no but doesn't impair his
>driving ability, and I thought he had his license but was listed as wrong
>address? That is not illegal. If he doesn't have a license due to
>infractions, I don't know that I'd still report him. Why protect him from
>what he might reap getting stopped from a cop you hadn't talked to? Then
>he'll really feel he was in the wrong, or at least should. If you report
>him, he'll only look at it as you set out to beat him down, and in his
>mind, in "real life" he'd not have gotten caught. So it could work against
>you as well. Saying you support him to do better but then go out of the way
>to report him. Now theft of your property would to me be not going out of
>the way.   Driving drunk doesn't quite reap the same dangers as without a
>license, wrong as they both are, one is a danger to others , the other
>isn't. It isn't about cutting him slack, it is about letting him boil his
>own pot and deal with the boil over. This too is just my opinion which in
>actuality I probably ought keep to myself but didn't. No one knows the
>situation as you guys do or what is best so I best zip me yapper *smile*.
>
>Brad
>
>
>
>At 07:45 AM 12/19/2005 -0500, you wrote:
> >Brad,
> >The only point at which I disagree is the first one.  I have a hard
> >time turning my back on illegal activity, knowingly.  We are going to
> >be talking to a police officer this week about just what our
> >responsibility is, if he is driving illegally.  I mean, come on, are
> >you saying that, if someone was driving drunk you would do nothing
> >because they may not be your responsibility?  Illegal is illegal,
> >whether it is driving without a license and insurance or driving
> >otherwise impaired.    I would have a real hard time not doing
> >something about that one.  I think that that is one of our big
> >problems with Chris.  He wants us to ignore his shannanigans and let
> >him get away with stuff.  Well, on the streets of Bangor, I can do
> >nothing because I don't know, but in my driveway, that's a different
> >matter entirely
> >
> >Also, to the second point, he cannot move back home.  He hasn't
> >earned that.  I don't see chris as being repentant.  While Chris is
> >not our responsibility any more, the peace and security of my house,
> >and my two younger children are my responsibility, so rather than do
> >nothing, we will probably make some sympathetic noises and wish him
> >well on working out his problems.
> >
> >Finally, if he wants to leave after receiving his presents, we'll
> >pack him up, drop him off and get on with enjoying the rest of our
> >day.  That is doing something I guess, isn't it.
> >Kathy
> >
> >
> >At 04:05 PM 12/18/2005, you wrote:
> > >Kathy,
> > >
> > >I've got some answers for you if you care to consider them... You asked...
> > >
> > > >Question #1: what should we do if Chris shows up in a borrowed car next
> > > >weekend when we know that, in order to drive, he was doing it illegally
> > > >since he doesn't have insurance and he hasn't replaced his license.
> > >
> > >
> > >Answer: Nothing. He's not your responsibility. Offering a solution will
> > >only crank the aggravation machine.
> > >
> > >Question #2: what do we do if, next Sunday, after dinner, he tells us he
> > >has no place to go because he hasn't paid the rent?
> > >
> > >Answer: Nothing. He's not your responsibility. Offering a solution will
> > >only crank the aggravation machine.
> > >
> > > >Question #3:   I'm wondering how I will deal with my anger
> if  he wants to
> > > >leave as soon as he gets his presents, or if he is ungrateful because we
> > > >didn't get him what he wanted, or didn't spend enough on him.
> > >
> > >Answer: Nothing. He's not your responsibility. Offering a solution will
> > >only crank the aggravation machine.
> > >
> > >There seems to be a pattern here *smile*.
> > >
> > >Brad
>
>Brad
>
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